Before Us

It’s only been a month since I moved away from my family in the hopes of finally having a relationship with my father. I don’t know why I felt like it was so crucial, he left me when I was young, he didn’t call or write. I actually thought for a few years that he was dead, that was until his sister hired a private investigator to track him down. Even after all of the pain he put me through I still wanted to try and get to know him. The effort on my behalf is confusing, I don’t even have a good relationship with the family I already have, between the drugs and abuse I’m surprised I still talk to them.

“Lily?” I hear Rob’s loud voice from outside my closed bedroom door. I jump at the sound of my name, it’s going to take me some time to get used to these living arrangements.

I open the door just enough that I can see a worried, no sad, look on my fathers face. “Lily.. your..” he begins to say but abruptly stops as the cellphone he is holding starts to ring.

“Hello?... no, I was just about... Do you want to tell her? Okay, I have to go.” His grey eyes dart up to meet mine.

“Tell me what?”

“Lily, your grandma.. she’s gone.”

That’s all he has to say, I know what he means. I’m not that surprised, she was diagnosed with lung cancer two years ago and was given at most three years. I slam the door shut, I hate crying in front of people, it makes me feel weak.

I slide down my bedroom door until I’m sitting on the ground with my legs stretched out in front of me. I can’t help but look at this room in disgust. It doesn’t feel like my room, it doesn’t feel like home but neither did my mom’s house. We have never been close. She always chose drugs and other men over her daughter’s. I like to tell myself I don’t care. At this point my eyes are burning from the tears I am trying to hold in. I can’t tell if it’s my grandmother’s death or the bad memories of my childhood that are causing them.

My suspicion that Rob is still standing behind the door I slammed in his face a few minutes ago is confirmed when I hear him on the phone “Hi, yeah she knows... about as well as you would think... no, it’s fine. I’m going to send her in a cab once she’s ready.”

I really shouldn’t be ease dropping, even though the conversation is about me. Maybe I should apologize to him for my rude behaviour but I guess I have to start packing.

“I’ll be ready in forty-five minutes.” I call out in hopes he will hear me so I won’t have to open the door and risk having to have a heartfelt discussion.

“Okay. Do you need anything Lily pad?”

I shudder at his nickname for me. “No, I’m fine.” I say rather curtly.

I don’t plan on staying long, just until the funeral is over so I pack light. I’m only taking the essentials with me; my white converse and my worn out Wuthering Heights book. I think about bringing along Jane Eyre to keep me occupied as I know I will finish the rest of Wuthering Heights by tomorrow but there is no room left in my burnt orange backpack. I will just have to try and make conversation with my family to pass the time, hopefully because of the circumstances we can go a few days without fighting. I swing my backpack over my shoulders and walk towards my bedroom door, not realizing my life is going to change by the end of this week.