Chapter 1
you were grabbed from behind. you were choking. you hold at your neck trying to get air and grasping trying to get the hands from around your neck. you turn around and no one is there.
you are at one end of a hallway at a hotel. It's dark with limited light. there are no doors or windows in this hallway, no signs of people, animals, life, or hope. The floor is black tile with cracks and pieces missing there is grey filling in the middle. There is a dark blue carpet overlaying the tile. The carpet is torn in various places and has mold growing on it.
The walls are made of tan wallpaper that is flaking and ripping. It has scratches like claw marks and the occasional bloody handprint. The roof is solid white plaster that is caving in and leaking the roof is also molding and is falling. The building reeks of dried blood, musty clothes, and mold.
The lights flicker and dim as if the building was living like it was trying to regain lost air. The building feels like it is getting smaller and smaller by the minute.
You start down the hallway taking one step at a time walking slowly stopping every few steps to listen, to make sure you hear every noise. This hallway feels like it doesn’t end. You hear a low grumble from somewhere within the building. You stop and slowly turn around and see fog slowly filling the hall.
Inresting plot to begin with. There are significant grammatical errors, especially with first and thir person. The chapter is very small, which may not give an idea of the story.
Interesting, but unfortunately it does not flow. I understand what you are trying to to but it reads like one of those books that you need to make a choice at the end of the page. Is that what you are trying for? If not, I would recommend writing either in 1st or 3rd person because your descriptions are good, jumbled, but clear but the way it is presented at the moment does nothing for me. But keep playing around with it and never give up.
I liked it. Keep working and congratulations on the story!