Prologue
One random night, I opened my phone and thought of making friends or even catching up with some old ones as well. Then, I remembered that I was not allowed to be friends with other strangers or be yoked with them. Dismissing that thought, I kept looking until I found a match that would fit my preferences. Two fine men had hit me up on this message saying ”hey, wyd?” Not knowing who they were but given the profiles, I didn’t hesitate on chatting with them. Despite the men hitting me up, I still had my heart on my high school crush up till today when I’d randomly be comfortable and flirt with him, but my feelings currently were off and I needed someone to spark it again.
First man, a.k.a Nero
I never had anyone out from my country to talk to, it was more on locals. I just felt lonely while being on the other side of the country. I needed someone to talk to. One good thing with the internet was that I felt at ease of not letting other people see my face as I thought I am not good enough like those rich girls in town. One summer night, I came through meeting the first man that I’d ever be with. Not romantically, but mutually inclined to each other. We were best friends towards one another and sometimes the benefits come as well. Not to brag, but we’ve been sleeping with each other through the phone and would have small friend dates that didn’t feel as if we were friends. Like couples mostly do: Movie dates and sometimes a random one on one session were the things that made me fall for him. As he was from another country around Asia, We would make plans on what we’d do when we meet and the things we’d do under the ceiling and I would feel comfortable with him if it were really real. If only someday, I’d meet him face to face to give him my best regards and how much I missed him as we grew apart due to undeniable circumstances: college and the distance.
Second man, a.k.a Shiloh
When I first met him at the age of 13, around my first year of high school. He went straight up in front of my face doing a kabedon like a bad boy as if he were serious about making out, but he was only trying to hide his true self from others. But since I was new in that school, I was pretty astonished at how he didn’t hesitate to open himself towards me and kept things going with whatever he and I were doing. Our relationship was like a pact to the point that He and I promised: to keep in contact every day and come over to his place to refresh my mind whenever I felt I was so confused or stressed about the simplest things. I’m glad that I met him because he was someone who’d make me feel secure in what I would choose or take. Times passed and we’d randomly connect to disconnect with each other, like why do you have to keep me when you looked like you were ready to let me go. I just wished we were closer than ever or never met in the first place.
Third man, a.k.a Yunjo
He was one of a kind, the most sweetest and loving man on our campus. I met him around my 2nd year of college not knowing that we were both alumni from our previous schools. He and I had been two years apart and I would never ever forget his quirky smile towards me. I remember that I stood far away together with my friends talking about academics and how stressed we were nearby a window. As I was looking through the window daydreaming about his cute smile and how aesthetically pleasing his style was, I randomly announced “Oh Lord, is this fate?” across the hall. I was embarrassed to the point I could just cover myself with a lot of issues like a mummy, but my friends just shoved me a sandwich to stop me from shouting. How funny that sometimes I’d think that I was his and he was mine, but I wonder if He also likes me for who I am despite all of my flaws, my mistakes, and the current things stuck inside my heart... Is he going to be fine with my condition? All my butterflies came to a point I wouldn’t hold much longer as he was holding my hands during my birthday since I wasn’t a good skater like him. At the end of the day, I hugged him one last time before I reach the door to my apartment because I was so scared of losing a guy like him who had me in a daze for a long time now. I almost had everything, but not him.
They were all so fine. In fact, I couldn’t resist them whenever I’d see them as if I was a bird that couldn’t pass through a window. How my confusion works, I don’t think I will be secured in myself. Well, I guess taking initiative will help me express what my feelings are and how much I love being with them during this timeline. I would just wonder on which trap should I fall into. Hmmm, I guess a simple reply like ”heya : >“would do to keep them up and coming.
