Too Far Gone

“Mom, please wake up! MOM, PLEASE!” I wake up with tears in my eyes. My body was shaking and my breathing felt shallow. This memory has been haunting my sleep for a week now. Why won’t she leave my head?! Why can’t I just forget?

When I woke up that morning, something felt different. Something didn’t feel right. I felt kind of weak and tired, but I thought it was my anxiety. I got up and got ready for school. I put on some of my makeup and got dressed in some shorts and a cropped shirt. I didn’t feel like going to school. I just didn’t feel like myself.

When I looked in the mirror, I noticed that my skin was pale. What was going on with me? Why did I look this way? Why did I feel this way? I took a deep breath and headed out the door to get to school. The clouds were out, and the day just felt very gloomy. I got in my car and I got nauseous for a moment, but I had to attend school. I couldn’t afford to miss another day of school.

I got to school and just dazed at the floor as I walked. The sound of lockers opening and closing filled the hallways, but I zoned it out. I got to my locker and entered my combination. My locker opened and I started to grab my books. The room started to spin a little bit. I felt like I was going to fall over. It almost felt like the floor was falling beneath my feet. All of a sudden, a voice appeared behind me.

“Hey Maya, I hope you’re doing fine.” The voice sounded familiar, but I was too light-headed to recognize it. I didn’t respond. I felt like I couldn’t produce the words to do so. “Maya, are you okay?” They sounded concerned. I felt them pull on my wrist, making me face them. I stumbled. “Oh my, are you okay?” It was Jaxton. He was one of my best friends. “Yeah, I am fine.” I knew that wasn’t the truth, but I couldn’t worry him. In reality, I felt like my body was going to fall apart, but no one needed to know that. “You seem off. Are you sure you’re okay? ” He looked at me with a concerned face. It was almost like he could see right through me. “Yeah, I’m fine!” I snapped a little bit. Where did this sudden anger come from? This isn’t me. “Sorry, I don’t know where that came from.” I stared at the floor, hoping the awkwardness would fade. It’s fine. I shouldn’t have pushed you. I think I am going to go to class. The bell is about to ring,” he said.

He walked off, and I closed my locker behind me. I just wanted to leave. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to go home and sleep, but I couldn’t. I felt like I was fighting myself to stay awake, to be here, to be present. If anything, I felt blank. It felt as if I was here, but I was not at the same time.

I arrived at the classroom and sat in my seat. The memories kept flooding back, as if they were happening again. “Maya, you need to focus on your work.” It felt like my mom was pestering me again. Maya, you need to do more with your life. Music won’t get you anywhere. ” Her voice was so stern. I didn’t want to remember it. I wanted to forget everything. It was too much for me.

The teacher walked in the door and the class had started. I laid my head on my desk, hoping my dizziness wouldn’t return. As he spoke throughout the lesson, I couldn’t keep my focus. I started to fall asleep through it. I fought myself to stay awake and to at least try to pay attention, but I couldn’t. My body felt heavy, and so did my eyes. I was anxious for the school day to end, but it was going by slowly.

The last bell rang for the day, and I headed out of school. I sat in the parking lot, debating whether or not it was safe enough to drive. After contemplating it for a minute, I decided it would be okay to drive home. I didn’t want to bug Jaxton to drive me, so I just started the car and made my way home.

Walking in the door, everything was dark. I flipped on the light switch and plopped onto the couch. I lay there in complete silence. My head was pounding and I could feel the dizziness creeping in again. “Not this again.” I whispered to myself. I hugged the couch pillow tight, and laid, curled into a ball. My heavy eyes slowly closed and I fell asleep.

I woke up around six in the evening. The sun had started to set, and the natural light was fading. I sat up slowly, and although I felt a little better, I still didn’t feel good. I got up and headed into the kitchen to get some orange juice. I slowly sipped on it, hoping it would help my body fight whatever was going on in it. Little did I know, that wouldn’t be the case.

A little while later, I called the doctor and made an appointment for the next day. I had hoped they would know what was going on and could help me out. I was tired of feeling like this, so maybe they could help me. At least, that’s what I assumed.

It was eleven at night, and I just lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling fan spinning. I had nothing better to do. My body was starting to feel weaker and I was starting to grow tired. Whatever was going on, I hoped they had an answer. Once again, my eyes closed and I fell asleep.

When I woke up the next morning, it was around eight in the morning. My appointment was set for 9:30 in the morning. I sat up for a moment and looked at my phone. I had a few missed texts, but I didn’t have the energy to respond to them.

I set my phone on the bed and went into my closet. I chose an outfit, got dressed, and grabbed my phone on my way to the kitchen. I grabbed one of the protein bars and went off to my doctor’s appointment. My anxiety was building up on the way there. What could it be? Is it something bad? I was about to find out.

They put me in room three. I was sitting there waiting for the doctor to come in. He came in about 10 minutes later and started to introduce himself. “Hey, I am Doctor Stevens, and I will be providing your care today,” he said. His voice was kind of deep and he had brown eyes. “May I ask you why you’re here today?” He seemed calm in a way. I told him what was going on. So for a while now, I have been having some health issues. I have had a lot of dizziness, my stomach has been hurting, and I have been throwing up. About a week ago, I found this weird-looking lump on my stomach, and I have been very fatigued. ” I tried to remain calm, but my hands were shaking. I was nervous about what it could be.

He examined the lump and asked if it was painful. I told him it had been, and it wasn’t a light pain either. He felt it for a second, and came up with his conclusion. “You have a bruise on your stomach, which is causing you stomach pain.” His answer took me by surprise. That didn’t seem right. My gut was telling me differently. So that’s it? No scans or anything? You just got one look and just barely a feel of it and you came up with the conclusion of a bruise? ” He takes a breath and tries to explain it to me. “I did the examination and you seem fine. I didn’t feel anything that would make me concerned enough to get a scan. ” I grew annoyed. I took a deep breath, and he released me.

When I got home, my anger had slowly faded. My thoughts were all over the place. Was he right? Was it just a bruise? He was in medical school, so he had to be right.

Two weeks had passed and things only got worse. The pain was worse; my attention was short-spanned, I was tired all the time. I missed multiple school days, and I felt unfunctional. I woke up that morning, and I had to go to school despite how I felt. I got in my car and headed off to school. I walked into school, and something felt more off than normal. I felt sicker. I was making my way to class when, all of a sudden, things went black.

When I woke up, I was in a room. Not a classroom, but a hospital room. Why was I here? What just happened? My thoughts were racing. Jaxton was in the chair, looking distressed. “Jaxton, why am I here? What just happened? ” My voice felt weak. It was all so confusing. Why was I here? I could see his eyes filled with tears. “I love you, Maya. I have loved you since the first day we met. My love for you never disappeared. ” What was going on? Why did he seem so upset? “Jaxton, I love you too.” I felt at peace.

He lays in bed next to me and holds me. A tear runs down his face. “Maya, you have stomach cancer.” His voice fades into his sorrow. I felt speechless. I didn’t know what to say and I didn’t know how to respond. “Maya, I don’t care how long we have together, I just want you to be mine. I want you to be my girlfriend. He seemed so sure about it. Like he didn’t have a doubt in the world. “But Jaxton, I don’t know how long.” He stops me. He leans in and our lips meet. My eyes closed to the soft touch of his lips against mine. I didn’t want to forget this feeling.

He held me and I held him. I didn’t want him to ever let go of me. Most of all, I didn’t want him to leave me. I wanted to soak up the last few moments we had together. He was all I had left. My mom and dad were gone, so I only had him. He stops kissing me and stares into my eyes. It felt like time had stopped and all that was left was me and him.

For a moment, the noises of the hospital disappeared. It was almost as if everything would be okay. “Maya, I love you,” he whispered into my ear. He brings me close to him and holds me. I started to feel weaker. I laid my head on his chest and stared at the door. My eyes felt heavy and started to close. This wasn’t like all the other times, but I knew my time had come to an end. After that, I never returned.