So Wrong It's Right

To say I've been threw a lot in the past four years would be an understatement!

There's been a lot of ups and downs mostly downs.

Let me start at the beginning and what led me to where I'm at now!!"

It all started with my first love," Don't it always thoe?" I was in 5th grade when I fell for my first love..

and even though I was young I knew at that moment I loved him, And that no matter what he'd be someone that in all my life I'd never be able to live without.

It was innocent back then, you know when your sitting with your friends and get all excited about just holding hands, everything was a big deal even our first kiss at the basket ball game behind the bleachers in 6th grade was like a monumental day.

You remember every little thing about that moment and the seconds leading up to it, The butterflies in your stomach, The way your knees buckled and you felt one of the biggest rushes of your life shoot threw your whole body like a million shockwave's zapping you all at once, it's so strong you legit feel like your legs are gonna give out from under you, And it's that moment you think to yourself I never wanna loose this person because it would kill me, just the thought of not having that person in your life anymore makes your heart ache.. And you try to brush that feeling off thinking well that's never gonna happen, Because it's us we love each other , that one kiss marks the beginning of something you will cherish forever!!

It is the start of many "NEW EXPERIENCE'S" yet to come!!

Like in 8th grade when you loose your virginity to that person!!

You thought the first time you held hands, the first kiss, or the first time you were touched by that person sexually was a big deal!! Well it's nothing compared to the first time you have sex with that person and for me it was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.. he made everything about that moment so special. He was gentle , loving and, caring, Jason McCann was my everything and we were gonna be together forever!!...... "Right?" ..

"I mean it couldn't possibly ever end we were meant for each other after all we've been together since 5th grade , you can't just forget all the moments and memories of our delinquent lives together.. To just let all that go would be stupid.

"He loves me and I love him, We're different then other couples!!

Everyone's said that... We were even labeled the power couple, every body wanted "NO SCRATCH THAT" " DREAMED"...of having the relationship me and Jason had.. nothing can take that away!! I was so confident about us and that we were gonna beat the odds when it came to your first love being your last love..

I guess I was just being nieve , Because once we got to high school 9th grade everything changed. And what I thought would never happen... "Happened"

I lost my first love.. And not because we cheated or wanted to be with other people.. Like most couples end up doing. At least I didn't.. but Jason was a different story and before you ask no it wasn't another girl, It was a group of his friends that were bad news, Jason was becoming someone I didn't recognize anymore, drinking, skipping school, experimenting with drugs, and breaking the law. And when he got arrested for the first time I couldn't handle it he needed to stay away from all that negativity and get his shit together or I couldn't be a part of his life anymore I had my priorities in life all mapped out for me, I wanted to be someone and graduate I wanted to make something of myself.. And all the stress with Jason was taking a toll on me. If we weren't arguing, I was up all night waiting for him to call, Ir worrying about what he was doing if he was ok. I lost sleep, my grades were dropping and I was emotionally drained.. so I gave Jason a choice.. You either stop hanging with the crowd your hanging with, or I'm done, I told him to choose..

And he chose them.. I was so hurt and broken I thought I was gonna die, That pain was a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy!! I felt as if I had been gutted. I felt lost and empty inside and the weeks after the break up only got worst. Seeing Jason every day and watching him laugh walking down the halls with his friends and different girls ignoring me, or giving me glares became to much for me to handle so I left I left LA, I left school, I left my old life and my first love, behind me and move to Canada with my aunt.. at first I was severely depressed but my aunt was always there to comfort me threw the sleepless nights, console me and wipe every tear I shed.. She was literally my life saver and she pulled me out of the darkest point of my life, She helped me find the light again,

So you can imagine the pain I am in now that she's gone!! All the hurt I felt 4 years ago times ten. Life was about to change for me in ways I never imagined. My aunt was dead and I'm forced to return to L.A. to finish my senior year! I'm forced to face the one person I never wanted to face again the person who completely broke me and face the fact that the one person who was there threw it all was no longer here to comfort me anymore..

And I honestly didn't think I'd get threw it all!!

above all that , I would NEVER" be prepared for the news I got after returning to LA and my life therefore after!!

But that's later on in the story first I have to get threw my aunts funeral tomorrow!!