Kill Kill
The world stopped spinning. The people stopped talking. The earth stopped breathing. The waters stopped running. The sky stopped falling. But me and you… that’s a different story. Me and you kept dancing. Me and you kept laughing. Me and you fell in love. Me and you fell deep into the rabbit hole we’re in right now. The world stopped spinning, but me and you never stopped living.
I don’t really know how it started. I can’t remember the exact moment, but I think I know who it was. It was me who said the things first. I don’t do that anymore. I’m shy and quiet, scared of strangers, scared of what they think. Scared of the thoughts that go through their head. I was at my grandmother’s house, sitting on the carpet of her old living room (well it wasn’t old, it was just outdated badly), on my phone. It was like any other day in Arizona, hot and dry, and you could feel the rage coming off someone’s body. It was a draining place to live in, you couldn’t do anything without having sweat drip out of every pore. The heat drained you and people around you, it was impossible to do anything without getting in a bad mood. We were having some sort of party later and the kitchen was being stormed by an angry boomer and her daughter, who was continually changing her Spotify playlist. My sister was doing something outside, probably playing in the mud, while Mishka was running around like a dog. Well, she was one, but everyone considered her as a human (send help for them please and thank you), so no one really called her out for jumping over couches and whatnot. I was texting Aria, who was on the freeway headed towards the house to join us, kept telling me how there was this new circus thing going on less than a 10-minute walk from the house. Hesitant at first, but I slowly wrapped my head around the idea that I would finally have a time where I was outside of this house. Aria and me were going to stay for a sleepover here, except I wasn’t sure at what time the whole circus thing was. Yelling continued from the kitchen as I rolled my eyes and told Alia that I would text her back in a couple of minutes. I sat up from the wall I was leaning against since the outlet was right there and laid (well I guess you could say I sort of threw the phone) against the itchy and uncomfortable carpet. Making my way to the kitchen I got dizzy from so much time of swiping through TikTok and whatnot, so I stumbled on one of the stupid dogs toy and cussed lightly under my breath. “Mishka, c’mon!”, I whispered. I made my way up the small little steps leading to the kitchen and sat down at the nearest seat. “Bella, seriously get away from the table.” Suddenly the yelling died down as the 2 people in the kitchen looked at me and set their attention to my bored face. “Why can’t I sit near the table? I’ve done it millions of times before.” I looked at my aunt in annoyance and there came the stupid (and well known) scoff of my grandmother. “Mija, get away from it, let’s not cause problems because of you again.” Because of me again? A reference to what I did last year was uncalled for, no one even remembers. “Fine. I’m doing it because I don’t want mom to get back from the store and figure out that you guys were fighting again.” I get up and push the chair back in as I go down the steps again. “Linda, we weren’t fighting. I was just telling this ‘Monotonta’ how to do stuff she should already know how to do.” There was some silence and then Brianna laughed and threw the rag she had in her hands to the kitchen island. “Oh, de verdad? You always put the blame on me, your ego centric narcissist. I’m sick of this, I try to host parties and you always end up mad.” Brianna leans against the fridge as my grandmother picks up and gently folds the rag she threw. “Ay si, I end up mad, you end up drunk as hell, your sister ends up crying, and these chamacas end up talking to strangers online. This family is screwed, and you know it. I don’t have the blame for it. It’s embarrassing- ““Oh yeah, I’m sure its embarrassment for you, as well and sadness and blame and guilt, you’re always the victim of everything that ends up happening! Take some responsibility for the love of God!” I leave the area as I pick up my phone from the outlet and go to the guest room where my sister already is laying on the bed looking at the roof. “You doing, okay?” I asked as I come into her view. She’s only a couple inches taller than me, her being 4 years older than me. She’s beautiful; curly brown hair and tan skin, slim but built, and her personality is- “I’m okay. Are you? I think Nadia mentioned your stuff from last year. I don’t want that to bother you anymore. You learned your lesson and she’s being a bitch if she wants it to sting you again. She doesn’t let go.” She sits up and pulls out her phone and pats the bed for me to sit next to her. I’m still at the door entrance so I close the door quietly before kicking off my shoes. One hits the wall and echoes a bit, but luckily no one hears it because they’re still arguing in the kitchen. Evelyn rolls her eyes but still scoots over for me to sit. It’s warm, but not hot enough for us to be uncomfortable. She looks through her pictures, camera roll and then shows me a picture of myself from last year. As any normal teenager who’s insecure, I cringe and make a sort of whimper noise from the back of my throat. “Y-you showed that to me for what? I don’t even remember when that’s from.” She looks at me before she rolls her eyes again. “Last year, at your choir concert, Madison Heights.” “Oh. Yeah… I remember that now. It went pretty badly.” Evelyn laughs and looks at me. “Pretty badly? That went horrible, you messed up the songs twice and fell off the stage. It went horrendous.” I laugh nervously and close my eyes as I fall against the pillow. It’s soft and warm, almost to a point where it’s soggy, but it takes my mind off the slow dying voices in the kitchen. “Hey, I know you and Aria are planning to go to that… circus things, but I want you to be careful. I was going to join you guys, but I have better things to do. Just be safe. There’s normally some more older people there, so just keep an eye out for, you know…” “Pedos.” The silence kills the mood as I sit up from my soggy sickly pink pillow. “Pedos… Yeah…” “Aria is going with me; I’ll send you and mom my location in case anything happens. I’m fine, I promise.” Evelyn shakes her head slightly before giving in. “I know you’re fine. The thing is mom and dad aren’t sure about that. It’s what everyone says before never being seen again.” I tense up at the mention of our dad. He’s never around, he wouldn’t know about how me and Eve are doing. “I know… I’m doing everything I can.” Evelyn nods as she gets a notification from messages. “Mom is here. She says I must go help her getting the groceries out of the car. I’ll be right back unless you want to help.” She shoots me a questioning look as I nod. There’s not anything else I need to be doing. The garage door opens and I hear the car doors opening. We get out of the room and head towards the garage, which is right next to the guest room. Mom says hi quickly and enters the house as she tells us to unload the 7 bags she got from the grocery store. Me and eve divide the bags, and she manages to get the seventh bag. I hear my phone ring and rush to the living room.
Ari <3 :
Hey, I’m here now. Waiting for u outside.
Oh, come in. My mom needs to talk to you rq.
Alr. Be right there ig.
Some knocking happens, people greet each other, me and Aria hug and say hi to each other, Evelyn says her greeting and heads out when she gets a call from someone, and we’re back in the loud enviorment. Drinks are served, beers are popped and chugged, meals are suddenly being plated, and the chair I was sitting on earlier is moved around from place to place. Me and Aria head to the entrance and sit on the stairs outside. “Things have been worse, I think. Marcus left earlier this evening, Bella. Shit’s happening and it’s happening faster than I thought it was going to. My dad left 20 dollars for us to get from for the week. 20 dollars. That’s like, less than a happy meal with a Flurry at McDonalds. Shits rigged; you know?” I hum, taking in her life and comparing it to mine. Aria’s life is messed up, and here I am, complaining about mine. “Don’t do that, bee. Don’t compare it. You’re tough, but don’t do that to yourself. C’mon let loose babe…” The silence takes over as the pet name is used, not sure how to address it. “I’m sorry, I know you’re not good with those names.” Aria stands up and stretches like a cat, her skirt going up and revealing her clothed thighs. She’s pretty and sometimes I want to let her know that, but Aria has a thing against compliments. She says they only feed one’s ego and use that against the world. It’s true, but letting loose occasionally doesn’t hurt, right? I grab her hand and pull her back in. “Pfft, I wasn’t going anywhere, kitty.” I laugh a bit and shake my head when she opens her mouth to apologize for the name and she just shrugs it off. “You’ll be fine,” I start to comfort her, “things don’t get better, they just get bearable. I believe in you. Sort of.” Aria playfully pinches my cheek as she laughs quietly. “I know.” There are some rabbits on the street across from us, Aria forms a finger gun and looks at me. I get the hint and form a finger gun as well. She aims for the one on the right, her side, and I aim for the one on the left, where I’m seating. She flicks her hand back as she whispers, ‘kill, kill’. I aim and flick my wrist back as well, and think in my mind, ‘kill, kill.’ The rabbits run off in the distance.
