Chapter 1
The sun was shining, and the air was like a warm cuddle as I got out my car, standing in front of me, was my childhood home. 12 Churchill Grove. The house had memories of joy and sadness associated with it. It was the place where some of the best days of my life happened. Yet, it was also the place Mum died.
I can remember that day as if it was yesterday. Dad and Grandpops were by her side and I was laid next to her, it was the day after I got my A-Level results and an unconditional offer to my first choice university. The oncologist said a month before that Mum only had weeks to live, if that. I can remember Mum trying to put a brave face on, whilst Dad couldn’t help but cry as they told me what the prognosis was. I remember thinking, she had suffered years of chemotherapy, doctors who were once her colleagues poking and prodding her like she was an animal, years of pain and illness.
Whilst we laid together on the bed, Mum kept her arm around me, holding me close, as Dad and Grandpops were both talking to her. My older brothers were in the room, but they couldn’t talk. They were too heartbroken. Dad was insistent there should have been another way to save her, that they just needed to talk to other doctors, but Mum shot him down. She knew her time had come and she was at peace. I remember feeling numb and not wanting to ever let go of her because I know once I did, I wouldn’t be able to hold on to her again.
“I don’t want this to be our last day” I remember whispering to her. I could feel her squeeze me and kiss my forehead. The feeling was like nothing else I had ever felt, it was emptiness, as I knew what was to come. For the next few hours, I laid by her side, occasionally getting up to get her what she asked for. The doctor had been by to give mum some more medication to help her with the pain. As she got sleepier, I clung to her, tears stinging my eyes. She held onto me and I could feel the bed dipping, and felt Dad’s hand on my own. He kissed my forehead and stroked my hair and then proceeded to do the same to Mum.
He stroked her pale cheek and she looked at him, a look of affection. “You can let go, Charlotte” He whispered, brushing her hair out her eyes. I felt a tear fall down my cheek.
“Not yet, you have to promise me, Chris, Dad, Ben, Harry and Nathan, to look after Ella” she whispered, getting breathless, her voice was breaking, “she’s about to start her journey to become a doctor without me, and I need you to all look after her”
I can hear Nathan clear his throat and I looked up to see him next to Grandpops, he took mums other hand, he kissed it, tear stains over his face. “I promise you, Mum. We will look after her, beat down any lads who break her heart, be her cheerleader when she has exams” His voice was hoarse.
“And Ella, my sweet Ella” Mum spoke and I looked up to her, she stroked my cheek with a shaky hand. “I promise I won’t ever leave you, I will always be with you, and I know you will do amazing things, just like your father, I am so proud of you, my sweet Ella” her words were making the inevitable flood of tears start.
“I love you” I whispered to her, as I started to sob, I could tell she was getting more and more tired. Dad kissed her head, the tears running down his face as his arm wrapped around me. I gazed to Grandpops who was sobbing quietly. Mum spoke to him, telling him it was ok, but I couldn’t register her words. My oldest brother Ben joined me and Dad, holding my hand that was holding Mum’s.
As she passed, she was peaceful, she didn’t look, for the first time in 8 years ironically, in pain. I remember Dad just held me, he refused to break down because he wanted to support me, even though the pain on his face said it all, he had just lost his wife, his childhood sweetheart.
I am brought out of my haze to the ringing of my phone, I grab hold of it and see its Dad. I accepted. “Hey Dad, I just arrived home” I utter, as I go to the boot of my car.
“Hey sweetheart, that’s good, I am just finishing up some prescriptions and reports, then I will be home. How does a chippy tea sound?” Dad’s voice sounded excited when he said a chippy tea.
“Yeah that would be good dad, can I have a small cod, chips and curry sauce, please” I ask.
“Course you can, sweetheart. I’ll see you soon, around 6, love you” He utters and I tell him I love him back before I hang up. I grab my suitcase and my bags, taking them to the front door. I unlocked the door and I walked into the house, it sounded eerily quiet, so I was guessing my brothers were either out or napping. I go back out to the car to grab my last bag, and I take a moment to just take in the street. Across the road was beautiful greenery, with a little park to the side. Children were playing in the park, laughing and shouting. People were walking their dogs. I turned to the other houses, they were identical to mine on the outside, bricks and mortar. The neighbour to the left, Hazel, had clearly been buying more plant pots, her porch looked like a rainbow with the flowers she had outside the house. I sighed to myself before making my way into the house.
The hallway was as spotless as ever, the coat hanger had a few coats on, there was a mirror to the side that Mum wanted so she could check how she looked in the mirror before leaving the house. Under the mirror, sits a small round wooden table with an ornament and next to it was a picture of us all. Ben would have been 21, Nathan 19, and I was 15. Mum and Dad were sitting next to each other, with me clinging to my dad’s side, smiling. I put my hand over the picture before deciding it was time to take my stuff upstairs.
By the time I had taken my stuff upstairs and unpacked, it was coming to 6. I made my way downstairs and to the kitchen and I got the table mats and plates out, the door opened.
“It’s just me” Ben called through the house, then there was a small moment of silence before he came into the kitchen.
“Hey, are you having dinner with us?” I ask him as I go into the cupboard, getting out the salt, pepper, vinegar, chip spice and HP sauce, because my dad loves HP sauce with his chip shop chips.
b“Yeah, Dad is at the fish shop now, ordering” he responds and I nod, grabbing a extra plate and table mat. I feel my brother staring at me, and I look up, confused as to why.
“Is there something on my face?” I ask, frowning at him and he shakes his head and just stares at me.
“You are Mum’s double, in every way” he comments and I feel a lump rising in my throat at the mention of Mum, I look down at my hands. Mum’s engagement ring was given to me when I left for university, and unless I really have to, I rarely take it off.
“So you tell me, everytime I come home” I respond with a smile. I gaze at him for a moment and he opens his arms and I walk over, my arms wrap around him. Having a big bro hug has always been something that gives me comfort, even before Mum died. Between my brothers, I would definitely say Ben is the best one at giving hugs.
“How is medical school?” he asks. Like pretty much everyone in our immediate family, apart from Nathan and Harry, is a doctor. He has chosen to go into general surgery and is currently doing his core training year 1.
I think for a moment, I passed my fourth year of medical school, did well in all my assignments and exams. “It was quite alright, thank you” I utter, “4 years down, 2 to go” I say. We stayed in the hug a bit longer. Grandpops, Dad, Ben and Nathan all agreed that I was Mum’s double, and all said having me around was like having a bit of Mum around. I had her blonde hair and brown eyes so anytime I hug any of them, they like to hold on a bit longer than normal. I gently pull away as we hear the engine of Dad’s car. I go into the cupboard, pulling out three glasses.
Dad walks in the kitchen, his coat and work bag in one hand, a bag of fish and chips in the other. Already, I can smell the greasy goodness of it. He pops the bag of food on the table before he puts his other things down. I don’t even need to be asked to give him a hug. I hug him for a few moments.
“I’ve missed you, Ella Bella” . His voice was gentle as usual, he kissed my forehead. Anyone would look at me and my dad and think of a typical dad and daughter relationship. Only daughter and youngest child so must make me the favourite, in all honesty, they would be right. But, given the fact I have almost died about 3 times in my lifetime, my mum and dad argued I was their miracle baby, their blessing. We hug a bit longer before Ben clears his throat, I pull away from dad’s hug and I turn to my brother.
“Dad, can we start dishing out? Some of us are hungry” Ben stuck his tongue out at both me and Dad. He was tapping his, lack of, nails on the kitchen work top, looking almost like an inpatient child. He honestly may be 27 but he is such a child still. We all dish up, and I notice their is more food.
“Nathan and Harry having some?” I ask Dad as I pick up the two polystyrene containers out the bag.
“Nathan is at Tasha’s house tonight and Harry is out with his mates, I got us some extra food, chicken nuggets and some doner meat” Dad explains, with a grin on his face. I shake my head and look at both my dad and brother.
“You know for a pair of doctors, you are both hypocrites” I chuckle and they both look amused, “all this healthy eating crap, and this stuff is not healthy in the slightest”
“Excuse me, Miss know it all, you are a future doctor, so don’t give that crap” Ben frowns at me, and throws a chip at me. Didn’t I tell you he was such a child, in the body of a 27 year old. I stick my tongue out and Dad gets himself some doner meat and I grab a chicken nugget.
“Speaking of this future doctor, how did you find the fourth year?” Dad asks and grins, “I mean you clearly passed it, because you are going onto your fourth.” A lot of people think my dad is a bragger that his oldest and youngest children followed in his footsteps, and to be fair to them, they are 100% right. He is a bragger. But, not in an annoying way, he just is a proud father, because two of his children did follow in his footsteps, and also because he likes to think he gave us the so-called smart gene. Mum would lovingly argue back and say we followed in her footsteps, because she was also a doctor.
We all ate the takeaway in a comfortable silence, occasionally passing comments about things. It felt good to be home, I missed my dad and brothers when I was away at university. The laughs, the precious family time we spend together, I think we all cherish it just that little bit more now Mum has gone. I know I miss having Dad around when I am getting stressed with being a medical student.
About an hour later, after I showered, and washed my hair, I sat on my bed, looking through some photos, just taking some quiet time to myself. I sip on my hot chocolate I made myself. I smile as I flip to the pages of the ‘Kendall Camping Adventures’ as my dad calls them. There was so many pictures of me and Dad cooking on the BBQ, swimming in lakes and genuinely having a lot of fun. I cringe at the photos in there that are of that slapper Ben dated a few years back, she was not girlfriend material.
I am that engrossed in looking, I jump when I see a shadow in the corner of my eye. I look up to where Dad is, smiling.
“I didn’t mean to make you jump, sweetheart” he says and I look up to him. He comes into my room and I make room for him on the bed.
“I was just looking at photos from camping trips” I utter. Dad decides to flip through some more pages, full of camping pictures.
“This was your mums favourite” he points at a totally cringeworthy picture of me and one of my school friends, Keiran posing together. I remember that day we pretended we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Neither of our parents believed it, I guess with my anxiety and lack of friends, they could never see me having a boyfriend.
“I remember how you and Mum laughed at us when we told you we were boyfriend and girlfriend” I comment, and dad chuckles
“It was rather absurd” Dad replies but then he looks at me, brushing some hair out of the way “but you know, I think one day, you should open yourself up to being loved by someone who isn’t family” Dad paused and I looked at him.
“You mean you want me to find my person?” I ask him. I remember how many times Mum said one day, everyone meets their person, the person they are meant to be with for the rest of their lives.
“I think you should, because you deserve to be loved by someone the way Grandpops loved Nanny” Dad responds, his voice tender and I gaze up at him.
“Or the way you loved Mum” I whisper, and he smiled, a slightly sad smile. He kisses my forehead.
“Or the way I loved your mum, yes” He utters and we sit there together for a moment.
“It would be nice to one day have a boyfriend I guess” I think out loud. Dad stands up and he walks towards the door to my room, I watch him.
“Who knows, you may find the guy who takes your breath away this summer or when you return to medical school” he jokes, turning around and I shake my head. I am sure it isn’t that easy.
“Who knows Dad” I shake my head at the absurd idea, there’s more chance of me falling on my ass.
Dad looks at me, as if he is about to say something but chooses not to. “Good night, my sweet Ella” he says and I smile.
“Night Dad” I whisper, and dad leaves my room shutting the door, he leaves me with my thoughts. Could I really meet someone this summer? No. It’s absurd. Don’t be silly Ella. But, I do start to wonder what it would be like to meet someone special.
