Chapter 1
Breathe
(v.) To draw air into lungs and expel. A simple yet significant action. We all do it instinctively. We have all once been told by a cynical biology teacher that “All living organisms need to breathe to live”, a redundant statement wired into our heads. Yet, this mundane task is a struggle for me to complete.
The leaves were turning from an earthy green to yellow and red. The warm weather turned chilly, and the trees were almost bare. Fall was beginning. Forrest sat in the back of the classroom with his headphones in his ears, watching the leaves fall. The window was open, letting in the crisp scent of the new season.
Forrest watched as the squirrels scurry up the tree with their cheeks full of acorns. It never ceases to amaze Forrest how the squirrels always knew what to do. No time needed to decide. Nuts, tree; always the same.
He could never decide. There were always too many things swirling in his mind. All the other things he could choose and what would happen if that was what he decided. Even if he was a squirrel, how was he supposed to choose which acorns or where to bury them? What if he forgot where he hid them? What if some other squirrel came along and stole them?
Breathe.
He let the thought go and the piano music in his ears was the accompaniment to the world he was observing, separate from him in the room.
As his music serenaded him, Yann Tiersen, “Comptine D’un Autre Été” came to a halt. The boy was ripped out of his thoughts. He looked up to see that Mrs. Bird, his English teacher, had stormed up to his desk and pulled the headphones out of his ears. The wires dangled from her fist.
“Could you tell the class what Oscar Wilde often compared man’s beauty to, Mr. Edwin?” Her round glasses slid down the bridge of her nose as she glared at him, her brown eyes hard and cynical. “Don’t just look at me, Forrest. I need an answer.”
Forrest felt the scrutinizing gazes of his classmates. He felt like one of those butterflies pressed in glass. He could feel the eyes of everyone on him. His skin crawled and the hair on the back of his neck stood.
Heat rose in his face, and he knew he was turning red. The blood rushed to his ears and his heart pounded against his ribs. His hands went clammy and his feet tingled. “Um…” He tried to speak, but time slowed and suddenly the faces of his classmates were hazy. The world seemed to zoom out.
They’re looking at you.
They’re looking at you, and they know you don’t know the answer.
“I’m waiting, Mr. Edwin” she sounded distant, yet the impatience was clear in her voice. Forrest stilled. He willed his mouth to move but couldn’t get any word out. His blue eyes shot to the wooden clock, hoping the clock would tell two, yet the ticking seemed louder than his own breath.
There was a loud crash.The sudden shatter had echoed through the classroom, causing the students to stir. Mrs. Bird’s attention now trying to find the source of sound. It was the blue and white vase which often held lilies that Mrs. Bird would get every morning from the local florist; it added color to the bleak and dull classroom. “Stand away from the glass,” she spoke as she scurried to the opposite side of the classroom, ushering students to get away from the shattered vase.
Forrest drew a breath and tried to calm himself. His breathing became a little easier and his body felt light, but his pulse was still thumping wildly against his throat. It wasn’t a full panic attack, yet the after effects left his body tense.
He was working on his breathing exercises. His best friend Asa came up and sat at the empty desk next to him. “Hey, you okay?” asked Asa. Her big almond colored eyes displayed worry, her full eyebrows scrunched together in focus.
“Yeah, did you push the vase?”
A huge grin displayed on Asa’s face. “Of course, I know that type of attention freaks you out.”
Forrest loved his best friend, and he appreciated everything she did for him, but he couldn’t help but feel bad. “If she finds out you pushed the vase, you’ll get detention again”. He felt guilty. He hated Asa put herself at risk for him
“Oh please, detention is the least of my worries. At least I get to see some hotties. Thank god I wore my good jeans,” she said with a grin, doing a little shimmy in her chair.
Forrest couldn’t help but smile with her. He envied Asa’s careless personality. Forrest could only imagine how he would have dealt with the possibility of him getting detention, even the thought made him feel queasy.
The shrill of the bell signals the end of the class. All the students rushed up and out of the door, pushing and shoving, trying to get to their next class, but not before Mrs. Bird announced her leave of absence for the next week.
Forrest and Asa left last. They spoke in hushed tones while trying not to ram into other students in the bustling hallway. Students were tripping and falling as they made their way to the last period of the day. The duo were in no rush, considering this was their study period
Forrest made his way to his locker. The only little piece of the school that felt like his own: the chipped blue paint and stainless steel lock stood against the beige colored concrete wall. Somehow, it differed from all the others, and he loved it. Turning the lock and bypassing the code, he opens his locker, grabbing his AP stats textbook and shoving it in his backpack. “So, do you still want to come over and study tonight”? Forrest asks while closing his locker.
“Yeah, it gives me an excuse to not have dinner with my annoying aunt,” Forrest laughs. “I’m serious! You’ll be wanting to find every excuse too if you had to eat dinner every Wednesday with a woman who believes that collarbones will make you burn in hell.”
The pair walked side-to-side, a comfortable silence surrounding them. “Do you think there’s a study room available?” Asa asked.
″I don’t know. I’ll check.” Taking his yellow iPhone out of his pocket, Forrest began searching the library website. “Um...” his eyes searched the website. “There’s one available, I’m gonna–” a ping followed by a blue notification alerting him of a text message from his sister Blossom. “Just one second, Blossom texted.”
Blossom: I won’t be home till late tonight. I’m going to Cafe Lavender after class to help Miss Jackie with a maintenance issue. Are you gonna be okay alone?
Forrest: yeah I’m gonna be fine and Asa’s coming over to study tonight.
Blossom: Okay, I made baked spaghetti. It’s in the fridge, just put it in the oven and set a timer for 20 mins and you’ll be all set. :)
Forrest: I know how to cook >:(
Blossom: cooking is NOT microwaving cup ramen.
Forrest: okay Gordon Ramsey
Blossom: lol, okay, whatever you say. I have to go, love ya :)
Forrest: love you too :)
Forrest grinned at his sister’s text. “Yep, she won’t be home till late tonight. She made baked spaghetti”.
“Yes!” Asa punched the air. “Is the study room available, though?”
Forrest re-opened the page, “Yeah, i just reserved it.” They walked side by side to the study room.
Forrest couldn’t help the thoughts in his head, like a ritual he recited to himself at the end of the school day. Almost done. You’re going to be okay.
