Awaken

Month: August??

Day: Lost count

Year: 3492

It has been 48 hours since I have been able to eat something, food is getting scarcer. Easy to run off, I need to push my hunger down and sleep. It has been 5 years since I saw another human, and I believe they are hiding or already taken to the commander. If they are hiding then they must be underground because I have clawed my way everywhere, it took me about 2 years. 2 years of nothing and it was dumb. It took me 2 years to come to my senses and drop the thought of other people, and start to take a grasp of mine. I shake my head to clear my thoughts. But it does not work. I think of the past. I am a thief, I stole this notebook and pen from the people in the lab. They turned their heads. I took it and shoved it down my pants. This is when the world was just becoming this terrifying place. They put me in a van for 6 hours and 34 minutes. I did not know where I was going but I counted seconds to minutes to hours. As they jumped out of the window. I was blindfolded and when we arrived they pushed me out of the van, causing my blindfold to fall off but still leaving me clueless on where I was. They kicked my knees and told me to stand up. I tried and failed so many times. When I failed to do what they ordered me to, they kicked my back and left their foot there as someone else squatted down to my new eye level.

I remember their exact words, ’Drop it off here, it will most likely die from the cold, but’’ they said with a sharp cold laugh, it sounded like he was crazy, no, insane. Then I wanted to die, scream, move, but nothing all that I could feel were the bullets shooting into my legs.

They left me there in the cold to die. No way to get up and walk away. As I slowly thought that I would finally die. I felt arms wrap around me and pick me up. I tried to open my eyes, to say something. But nothing, I was limp in the arms of a stranger. I wondered who could be here, how could they have survived? I was dropped off in a warm place, I could feel them messing with my legs- then them removing the bullets, and I fell back asleep. When I did wake up there was no one around and a small old fire, still smoking, but no fire. My legs were wrapped up tightly, I learned to survive, to live without death, and to run. I seek out a form of human life left but nothing. A war happened about 5 years ago where very little of humankind was left and the people that did live were taken into labs and tested. We, the tested ones, were going to make the world again and be something that could make the world safer and a world without worries. It was a mistake, I was a mess up, something that should be towed out to die. I am a monster. It was dumb, a mistake.

But of course, the doctors, scientists, and soldiers with the top army forces were put in a safe place underground unharmed from the war, unlike us the people left to strive for themselves. That was until they pulled me from the only place that I thought was home. I shake my head once more, I stare out into the dead, weeping Earth- the one I call “Home”. I remember when birds used to fly and you could see little animals everywhere, I was younger back then about 10 or was it 11, either way, I have to keep these memories safe from the world but sometimes not even my mind is safe, some days I wake up hoping that I would die then I would spend the rest of the day wondering if I was already dead because I don’t think that I could even tell the difference, my thoughts were never safe in the lab, I thought every day that they would kill me. I waited and waited for them to end me and to put the thoughts in my head away. But no one ever did kill me but they would put– to give me pain. A new noise startled me from my thoughts. I looked around carelessly, and I jumped up to my feet not caring if someone or something saw me, and took another quick look around.

Nothing, just the Earth that God created and Men destroyed.

I slumped down to a tree behind me and slid down to the cracky ground. I mumble something that I can’t even hear. Squeezing my eyes shut and breathing out a harsh breath is the loudest thing out here so far, I hear a rustle behind me and jerk up, spin around, and slowly look. Still nothing so I squat down and hide but make it able to see anything that comes my way. I hear a rustle rather than a moving object, I pick up my newly made spear from a tree branch from whatever is left of the world, creep up to it, and get my spear ready. I jump out from behind the tree and go to use the spear until I realize it is another human. I slowly back up and drop my weapon. I stare in awe, he is dressed as he had just come from the army. A nice fresh pair of combat boots with a clean pair of pants and a navy blue shirt. He quickly grabs my arms and overpowers me without hesitation.

I am then knocked out. I wake up dizzy, I feel like I have been sitting up for hours so I lay my head down on the seat that I am sitting on without thinking. When I do I hear a sharp inhale and somewhat jerk my eyes open to realize that I am in a tank and I just put my head on a soldier’s lap. I pull my head up quickly. Back up into my seat, and look at him and then he stops the tank and looks over at me with such intense eyes. I close my eyes and hope that I will not get hit for doing something like this, or even shot. I open my eyes after a minute to see that he is gone. I quickly looked around to see where he could have gone. I turn my body towards my window and see nothing, then I hear a noise. I jerk my eyes back to his door to see him climbing back in with something in his hand, a water bottle. He hands it to me and looks at me with a deeply sad look but that doesn’t last long because he looks away.

“Drink it. It looks like you need it.” He says, his voice is so soothing. I slowly open the water bottle and take a sip, the sip turns into a gulp. I have not had bottled water in so long my body has gotten used to the feeling. The water soothes my throat, I look up to see him staring at me, sadness goes in and out of his eyes. He turns back to the front window and I watch him turn the tank on to start driving. He speeds up a little bit and it makes me jerk around a bit. About an hour later I start to fall asleep again.

When I wake up this time I am in a small white room with a small bed-like place with springs that you could see through the thin cotton material. I have wires connected to me, I looked around the room and started to panic. I start to panic because I have been here before… It’s the lab. I then hear a voice come effortlessly through the room echoing. But my mind was running too much to even hear it. I shifted my body to look around the room, just as I did I felt something hit my back. I fell to the ground, my eyes slowly started to shut my eyes but my ears could not stop hearing everything around me. I quickly started to listen and it was clear they thought that I couldn’t hear them.

“What was that? She started to freak out like she knew where she was.” A deeply soft voice says.

“I don’t know she is just the girl that you spotted a few days ago and told me to get, I swear I didn’t tell her or even show her anything.” He barked back. It’s the guy from earlier. I remember his voice but the other guy is new and sounds younger.

“Bullshit there is no way that she has been here before, right? I don’t remember ever seeing her here” The new younger voice says. I lay there with my limp body. Nothing, I don’t hear anything. I slowly drift away, back to sleep. I feel a sharp pain in my back, not again. I woke up. I start to have a panic attack when I realize that I was in a new room. Someone barged into the room, another army person came in and told me to shut up. But I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. He kicked me in the back and told me to shut up again, with a rougher voice. I crawl to a corner and try to calm down. I start to get dizzy and my head feels light. I try to look at the soldier, concern goes in and out of his eyes. I glance up and see a bright light and I am in a big room with a master-size bed. Another guy barges into the room, the first guy jumps and stands straighter. The guy looks younger than the first guy. The new guy barks an order and the guys jump a tad bit and run out of the room. I jump up and see the guy run to me.

“Who are you? What do you want? How did I get here?” I ask, my eyes growing wide. I hear him sigh.

“I can tell you everything I just need you to calm down,” He says ice in his voice. He doesn’t give away any other emotions, just a stone-cold face. I feel the air leave my chest and I feel a shiver run down my spine. I back up into a wall and hit my head with sharp pain, I looked away from him, his sharp eyes.

“Are you okay? What the hell was that, can you breathe?” He says, sounding worried, I wonder how he could have known, cameras… I glimpse around and I see something at the top left corner, a small camera.

“I-I-I was ha-having a panic at-attack,” I say my throat is feeling tighter. I see his eyes dart around the room then he grabs something from his holster that I now notice around his waist. I squeeze my eyes shut in fear of what it could be, a gun. That is the first thing that comes to mind. I let out a small whimper without telling my body to. I re-open my eyes to see him looking at me with a walk-talk in his hand, he then realized why I got scared.

“No, no, no I’m not here to hurt you, or harm in any way I was just sent here to check up on you.” He says startled, the softness in his voice makes me calm down. He swears under his breath. I see his eyes slowly look over me with such tenderness I feel my face get hot. I look away, I look down at my hands, and count my fingers. Count the scars.

“What’s your name?” He asks. I glance up and look deep into his forest green eyes, that is when I realize that he wants an answer because he stands there and waits.

“Lollice” a pause “My name is Lollice” I stiffen at the sound of my voice, he glances at me.

“Well that’s good you remember your name, I’m Henderson” He rubs his hand through his hair and down his neck, he sees me staring and I turn scarlet. He stares at me, I look at nothing, I feel like I want to say something.

Stop looking at me, stop touching me with your eyes, I will never say. I will keep my words packed down because I want to live as long as I can with no pain. I glance at the cracks in the floor.

“Henderson?” I whisper to myself, I feel a swift movement beside me.

“Yes?” He whispered back. My eyes went wide. I didn’t think that he would hear me.

“What am I doing here?” I said a tear rolling down my face without permission. Another movement beside me, his hand. He tries to wipe away the tear from my face.

“There is no need to cry it-”

“What am I doing here?” I demand this time. As I hit his hand away.

“Don’t you wanna eat first?”

“No, tell me.” A quick pause “ Are you going to kill me? Because if you just get it done my life on this Earth has been long enough-”

“No, no of course not. The reason that you are here-” Another longer pause “ Well I don’t, really know, and after all, I am just a foot soldier” He says with sorrow in his voice but no emotion in his eyes. I can tell that he is good at masking his emotions.

We hear the door in front of us start to open, he makes about 3 feet between us. It was an older woman, starved, thin dressed. She stood there with clothes and food in her hands. She quickly walked in and gave Henderson the food and walked to me and gave me the clothes. She spoke with shakiness in her voice.

“I’m sorry that I came late sir, I came as fast as I could. I’m sorry Mr. Wison sir. Oh, and the other commanders are still sending in letters. Sorry for bothering you about that again.” She said with sorrow.

I then turned to Henderson and looked to see what he was going to do. He then reached forward causing her to flinch and she squeezed her eyes shut. Nothing, I look back to see that he put his hand on her shoulder.

“It is okay, but you better get back to work.” He said. She looked at him in shock then nodded and hurried out of the room. I smiled at him in approval.

“Why did she call you Mr. Winson? And she also said ‘other commanders’ what does that mean? Are you a commander?” I asked in confusion. I look into his eyes. And I wait for an answer. He looks at me. Look at the roof. Rubs his neck, and looks back at me.

“Well- You see that my father uh- how do I put this? Winson is my last name.” He looks at me, smiles a small smile, and looks back down. I look at him in shock.

“So- Wait- What- yo-you told me your first name?” I asked in confusion. I want to die. If people are bringing him food and calling him Mr. Winson. Is he the one in power why would he lie, great another reason to hate him, and his stupid face and- I stop? He continues,

“Yes,” He looks at me with a straight face “I have no reason to hide it from you because of my lackadaisical choices it seems that you will soon understand- or better yet find out later. And now you understand that I am not a foot soldier, so now I guess that I could tell you that I am the commander of this continent now and I am in control here.” he pauses, looks at me, my eyes widen, he continues “You are stronger than most of my men and you taught yourself how to fight. With you, well, you could teach my soldiers to not be so dumb. You are godlike compared to them and you are truly beautiful for this and you may not know at but I know, that you are capable of so much more than you even know”

“What” A whisper comes from my mouth, I jerk my eyes up and look at him. I wait for him to tell me that he is joking but his eyes tell me that he is serious. “Why did I think that I could trust you?” I panicked. “How could you, you ruthless monster, how could you do this to people? And you want me to kill for you? Kill the little left of people?” I’m feeling stupid, I know I’m feeling stupid because I am feeling brave.

“Listen to me you must calm down,” He says but adds more “I will not take this type of manner from a female, that is no more than a target.” I gape at him. Rage fills my body. I go to punch him. He grabs my fist quicker than I have time to think. He leans forward, his nose touching mine and his lips are 2 inches apart.

“You don’t want to do that, idiot,” He says and throws my arm back. My face flushes as I am thrown on the floor and sit on the floor. I calm myself down. I have to remind myself to breathe. Fighting when I was mad is a stupid mistake.

I laugh,

“You’re a fucking liar,” I glared at him. Then

Inhale,

Exhale,

Inhale,

Exhale.

He watches me, His eyes are wide. I think that I must have just sounded insane, well I don’t care if anything he better be glad that I don’t try to kill him. I look back at him and watch his chest fall and rise. My eyes slowly make their way up to meet his eyes. My face goes red, he notices and gives me a smirk and I look at the floor. He heads toward the door.

“Where are you going?” I ask in fright for being alone.

“I am going to give you some time to yourself. You seem unstable.” I blink at the comment and my eyes go into shock. He left without another word. He was right. Tears pricked my eyes. I stare at the door with silent tears running down my face and I don’t realize that it is even happening until I feel it drip down onto my hand. I lay down on the floor and grasp the time in my hand.

I don’t know how long he has been gone or how long I have been laying here. But I know that it has been long enough for my tears to turn to salt and my throat to dry as well as my lips to chap. I can’t stay here and cry. I have to fight to be free. I jump to my feet and wipe my tears. I look at the clothes that I am wearing; A big shirt with pants that fall off my hips every time I stand up straight they slide down. I roll the pants a few times to hook on my hips and I tie the shirt at the bottom. I know that I look silly but I am fitting the clothes to my structure. This gives me some state that I feel awake in. I grab my hair and use my hands to make a ponytail. I hear the door open and I look up, Henderson. He is frozen in the doorway with a tray of food in his hands, his eyes slowly trail up my body. I now realize that I have exposed my stomach by lifting my hands.

I quickly drop my hands and my hair. Brown waves fall over my shoulders. I feel my face burn. He quickly walks up to me with a tray of food I look down at; potatoes and mixed vegetables, with some sort of meat with a glass of water. But I don’t care, I can’t eat it after seeing the woman from earlier who looked like she was starving. I look away from the food.

“Here, eat, I can’t have you dying on me.” He says and pushes the food closer.

“No,” I say “I won’t” I shake my head. I hear a sigh. Looking at him through the corner of my eye he looks like someone died, sad. I lean over and grab the tray of food, I am just now realizing how delicious it looks. Happiness goes in and out of his eyes so quickly if I had blinked I would have missed it, I smile. He smiles back at me and laughs

“You act like a small child,” he rubs his forehead and sighs.

“Well right I have to get going.” He leaves again without another word. I look up, a chandelier hangs above me. I glance down at the floor below me. I sigh, how could this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? I crawl to the floor now wanting to lay on the bed that a rich man sleeps in, bastard. How sick can someone be, he traps people in his “Quarters”, finds men, and takes them, giving them only one job they can take to try and keep their family alive. Forces them to kill old friends. Does he have a conscience? I now stand up, rage slowly making its way through my body. I need to cool off. I punch the wall and clench my eyes. I wait for the pain to fill my fist but nothing, I re-open my eyes and see that my hand went straight through the wall. I pull my hand back quickly. I look around the room and find a corner and sit down in it, a tear strolls down my face. I am a mutant because of the tests that they did. I am now a monster.

Henderson walks in, looks at me, and looks at my knees that I pulled up to my chest. He looks at the wall I messed up and back at me leaves no trace of anger. But instead, he looks proud of me. I bury my head in my knees. Soft footsteps come near me and stop in front of me. A swift movement in front of me. Henderson is squatted in front of me. I feel a hand on my shoulder, I look up to see his forest green eyes, lose myself in the forest. So suddenly his expression changes. Worried.

“Are you okay? Are you scared?” He says letting his breath leave his chest he tenses up, I grow deeper in the forest and almost forget to breathe.

“I’m fine, why do you ask?” I say my words braver than my thoughts.

“You’re shaking,” He says breathlessly. I glance down at my body. My raw emotions are trying to shake their way out.

“Oh,” The word slithers out of my mouth. I look back down at the floor then my knees are still up against my chest. I hear Henderson sigh, I glance up to see that he is rubbing his forehead. He stretches out his hand toward me. I look at his hand for a second too long and see a scar faded but still clear. He jerks back his hand and sighs again. Then he grabs gloves from his pocket and slips them on.

“Get up.” His voice is so neutral. I do. “You have clothes in the bathroom over there” He points to a door that I did not notice before.

“Okay” I start to head to the door. I grab the handle and slowly push it open. It is a huge amount of space. It looks like it was built for a king. I see the clothes stacked up on the counter beside the big sink. I put on my undergarments then, I grab what seems to be my top and slide it on. It’s perfect, of course. Why would it be anything less than perfect, I grab what seems to be at the bottom. I slide them on, also perfect. I grab a fresh pair of socks and shoes. Black shoes and white socks that go up past my ankle. Put them on. Combat boots, go right above the socks. I tucked the jean material in the boots and creek opened the door to hear Henderson talking. But to whom? I leave the door just a smidge open and listen.

“No, we are not going to do that to her! That will horrify her. She is not ready. I understand her and she is not ready!” That’s Henderson’s voice.

“You don’t understand her, you could hardly understand yourself. Idiot.” A large crack makes me jump and I quickly step out and see that an older man has just slapped Henderson. I know that I shouldn’t care, but I do. I ran out towards him.

“No Lollice.” I stop in my tracks. I look into his deep forest green eyes.

“Ha, speak of the devil,” The other man says and continues “ Come here don’t be shy. I won’t hurt you.”

“No,” I say, steadying my voice. I look at the older man and back to Henderson. He is thanking me with his eyes. Then his emotions leave his face. The man hits Henderson again.

“STOP! Henderson, who is the” I say in a stern tone.

“You told her your first name?” The man quickly turns his head towards Henderson.

“You know what we don’t need her, she is a distraction. And anyways you are a great killer and liar I can have you teach my men to kill. We don’t need this filthy rat living in this place. What would people start to think? Get rid of it,” The older man swiftly pulls out a gun and proceeds to hand it to Henderson. Henderson refuses and looks away.

“Take it”

The man pushes the gun to Henderson harshly. He takes the gun this time but aims it down and does nothing. He gives me a heartbreaking look. Then it hits me. My vision goes blurry. I feel my body moving but I cannot see anything. My vision is white. Another sound pounding in my head after another, it is all I can hear. My hands are starting to burn but only slightly. Then I hear a call, someone is yelling my name. My life fades in and out.

Breath,

In,

Out.

I feel myself fall to the floor and hit my head hard. I gasp. I rubbed the back of my neck and I am slowly being walked to the bed and then I am picked up and put into the soft, warm covers of a bed. I feel the weight of a heavy blanket slowly being pulled over me. I had to take off 3 pillows just to make the bed sleepable. I was knocked out within 5 min.