Snowflakes
Jacob leaned over his desk and stared at his phone, his shaggy blonde hair fell over his face. Nirvana played loudly in his ear buds. Memories flooded his mind and stirred all of the emotions within him, anger, pity, sadness, regret and pride. His best friend and business partner Lance barged into his office and startled him. He ripped out his ear buds and looked up at Lance who now stood in front of him with two beers.
“What the hell? Ever heard of knocking?” Jacob said as he leaned over the desk and ripped a beer from Lance’s hand.
Lance sat down in a chair in front of Jacob’s desk. “Um are you going deaf in your old age? I was pounding on your door. What were you doing jerking off?”
“No dipshit. I was –“
“Hey what are you doing right now?” Lance asked cutting him off.
Um working, for at least another half hour.”
Lance, “this is our company we can come and go whenever we please. Plus I thought you already sent in your piece for final editing.”
“Yeah I did.”
“Then lets go get fucked up and celebrate. Thirsty Thursday.”
“I can’t. I have plans.”
Lance placed his elbows on the desk and leaned in placing his chin on his palms, “Oh tell me more” he said jokingly.
“It’s just this chick from this dating app. I don’t know I downloaded it because I was bored and I didn’t think I would find anyone, but this chick just seemed interesting.”
“Well whatever helps you to get your mind off of dare I say her name.”
“Okay thank you for your input.” Jacob replied irritated. How could he minimize her to just some woman he talked about all the time.
“So where are you guys going?” Lance asked not picking up that he’s long overstayed his welcome in Jacob’s office.
“There’s this park near my condo. She wants to meet there.”
“She wants to meet in a park? It’s January in Michigan. It’s only 30 degrees out. Man this chick most be hot.”
“She’s really pretty, she’s different not my usual type.”
Lance put his hand out motioning for Jacob’s phone, “Show me.”
Jacob reluctantly opened his app, found her profile and handed the phone to his friend. Lily had long wavy strawberry blonde hair, big green eyes and was faired skin. She was she was lean and curvy. In one picture she wore a long haltered green maxi dress.
“How is this not your regular type?” Lance asked.
“What do you mean? I usually date brunettes.”
“Okay and you always date hippies. Even when we were in high school you would pick up chicks at those emo shows. They must me wild in bed.”
“You are just disturbed.” Jacob said as he ripped the phone from his hand. “Don’t you have a wife to go home to anyway?”
“Katie and the girls are in Toledo for the day on a field trip. They won’t be home until later this evening.”
“Oh okay so now I get why you wanted to hang out because you don’t want to eat dinner alone.”
Lance shrugged his shoulders then got up and walked towards the door.
“Hey.” He said in a serious tone before he exited the office.
“Yeah.” Jacob said.”
“I hope this chick doesn’t murder you.”
“I hate you.”
Lance laughed and left the room and the office door wide open. Jacob threw up his hands in annoyance then leaned back in his chair. He picked up his phone and hit the albums app, but changed his mind and immediately closed it. He knew that he had to move on. This was his fault. She fought for him and he just never put in the same effort. He watched her cry, ignored her paragraphs of texts, and lied to her face when she begged him for the truth. He wasn’t mature enough for her. Even at 36 he wasn’t ready to be responsible for the needs and feelings of another human being. He thought he could be now, but he knew she would never take him back again and he had to figure out how to accept that.
Jacob stood in front of his bathroom mirror. He couldn’t remember the last time he got ready for a date, if ever. He was on and off with his ex for 6 years and everything before and in between was simply casual, which required no effort. Although effort would have been beneficial in his last relationship the amount that he put in wasn’t substantial, mediocre at best. He slapped cologne on his freshly shaved neck then ran a comb through his shaggy hair before slipping a black beanie over his head. He sighed loudly into the mirror then turned around, switched the bathroom light off and walked into his bare living room. He had yet to refurnish fully since the break up. His aunt gave him a lazy boy and ottoman and he had his 27-inch television stationed on a tv dinner tray. He had the funds to upgrade, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He dramatically collapsed onto the chair then leaned over and pulled on his boots. He then stood up and pulled a plain back hoodie over his t-shirt and jeans and then his black winter jacket over that. He stepped out of his condo onto his porch, but before locking the door he realized he had forgotten something. He walked back inside and grabbed a bowl of cat food then exited the condo once again locking the door behind him. He stopped on the porch and began to look around for his friend. She wasn’t anywhere insight. His ex always fed a stray black cat that would frequently house herself in the bushes outside of the condo. He sighed and then walked over to the bush and sat the bowl of food down in hopes that Kitten – which is what they called her, would eat it when she came back around.
The park was only a block form his condo so he decided to walk to the date. He figured he could use the exercise and the fresh air and also hoped the walk would settle his jitters. He looked at all of the houses as he walked. The holidays had already passed, but some houses still had lights up. He smiled at that. As he reached the entrance of the park his heart began to pound, he was nervous. He couldn’t believe this; he never got nervous or embarrassed. Usually the only emotions he felt were annoyance and frustration. He saw a woman with her back to him in yoga pose next to a week.
Oh god he thought to himself, what did he get himself into.
She spun around as if she read his mind and smiled and waved.
She was gorgeous. She had long strawberry blonde hair and was fair skinned, but her nose and cheeks were rosy from the cold. She wore a green button up petticoat, a rainbow beanie with a matching scarf and gloves, leggings and high black boots with a faux fur trim.
They began to walk towards each other; he smirked at her and she smiled widely at him revealing a set of perfectly straight teeth.
“Hi I am Jacob.” He introduced himself as he reached out his hand to shake hers.
She ignored the hand and wrapped her arms around him tightly. He inhaled her, she smelled of lavender and sage. This usually would of made him feel uncomfortable, but there was something magically comforting about her whole aura.
She loosened her grip and stepped back.
“Jacob I am so grateful for this opportunity to meet you. I am Eve. Sorry if I caught you off guard. I get so caught up in my own joy sometimes!”
“It’s ok. It’s really nice to meet you Eve.”
“So have you been to this magical place before?” Eve asked him as she motioned to the park behind him.
He didn’t understand what was magical about it. The park was really just a field with a track around it along a creek with clusters of trees on one side and play scape and swing set in the middle.
“Um yeah I have. I used to bring my dog Chester here.”
“Oh you have dog! Oh you should have brought him!” Eve stated in excitement.
He felt a sharp pain in his chest.
“Oh actually I don’t have him anymore. Let’s just say I lost the custody battle.”
Eve frowned. “I am so sorry to hear that.”
“Thanks.” He responded in hopes that the subject would change quickly.
“Well I love this park. It’s purely magical. Come lets walk.” She started to walk and he staggered close behind her.
“You know I do understand your appreciation for nature, but I am sorry, I am confused about what is so great about this park right now, everything is dead. I prefer colors and life.”
“Is that so?” Eve asked as she turned and looked him up and down in his all black apparel.
“Touche.” He responded.
She smirked and started to walk again and he followed behind her.
“Well first of all look around for a minute. Is EVERYTHING truly dead? There’s absolutely NO life at all?”
“Nada.” Jacob answered quickly.
“Okay. What about those squirrels in the tree, the ducks in the creek or the birds in the sky?” She asked and stopped so quickly that Jacob almost collided into her.
“I don’t know I never really thought of it like that before.”
“Perspective. Anyway you know what else I love about a park in the winter?”
“Do I get a hint because I feel like I will be way off?”
Eve giggled. “You’re funny! Oh my goodness you probably think I am nuts! I am sorry I get swept up.” She walked over to a bench and sat down. She patted the seat next her for him to join her so he did. She pulled a thermos out of her bag and two full-sized coffee mugs and handed him a yellow one with a smiley face on it. Hers was a novelty from an animal rescue. She motioned for his mug and he put it towards her and she began to pour. “Spiked cider.” She stated then poured some into her own mug.
“Thank you. So what is the other reason you love this park in the winter?”
“Oh yeah! Because it’s quiet, it’s just the animals and me. No humans here ruining nature. There’s just something about winter that scares off predators. Yeah know what I mean?”
“I guess. So why did you bring me here?” Jacob asked. He was genuinely interested even though he was mildly concerned that Lance was possibly right and he was going to get murdered. He fully accepted that if he was murdered it would be due to his own much deserved karma.
“I don’t know. I guess you seemed cool. Like you would respect it and maybe not understand, but not judge me for what I like.”
“I actually do get that. And to be honest now looking at it, you’re right there is a lot of beauty here even without all the leaves and grass.”
“Yeah like what?” Eve asked then took a sip of her cider.
“Like the shape of the trees. They’re all different. You don’t notice it as much when there are leaves on the tree. With the leaves all the trees blend together, but in their bareness they stand out. Also the mounds of snow left over from the last fell. The stubborn piles that refused to melt when the temperature rose. It’s amazing how all these tiny little snowflakes can come together to add these beautiful splashes of color to the drab winter scenery.”
Eve looked surprised. “Wow yeah, I think all of that myself.”
Jacob felt proud. He impressed her and that made him feel good. He hadn’t felt that way in a long time and that made him think of her again, which caused his smile to drop to a frown.
“Hey what’s wrong?” Eve asked.
He was shocked and embarrassed that she noticed that and struggled to find an answer.
“Did I do or say something?” She asked concerned.
“No you didn’t. Well kind of, but not on purpose. You did something that reminded me of someone.”
Eve’s face lit up in excitement and she cooed “Ohhhh”
This was not the reaction he had expected from a woman he was on a date with about his ex, so he assumed she didn’t understand what he meant.
“So how long have you guys been broken up?” She slyly asked.
Okay never mind, she got it and she’s interested, he thought to himself before he responded.
“Oh man, we don’t have to do this whole ex talk.”
“That’s not what this is. I did something to trigger an emotion about your ex and I think you should explore that unhealed version of yourself.”
“Are you a therapist or something?” He asked suddenly insanely confused.
“No I am not. I am intuitive.” She answered seriously.
“Are you saying you are like psychic?”
“No I am not saying that. Do you need to Google the word intuitive? I thought you were an educated man.”
He just looked her at in shock. There wasn’t anything he could think of to say.
“I am just messing with you! Well I was serious about everything I actually said, but like I am not being salty or anything.”
“Oh okay.” Jacob said still confused and not sure what to say next.
“Listen I can see I am being intense. That’s fine. I get it, you can totally go, but if you need to talk to someone about what’s going on in your head and your heart you could stay and do that with me. We still have a whole thermos of spike cider and you walked here so it’s up to you.”
Jacob took a large gulp of his cider and leaned the glass over to Eve for a refill and she poured it.
“So there’s this girl, obviously you get that. She was the one that got away. And now it’s all I can think about. And no she won’t take me back there isn’t any trying because I already had other chances and blew it and she’s never been more serious than she is now.”
“Did you try to talk to her, to show her this new self?”
“Well no.”
“Then how does she know you’re sorry and you’ve changed? You’re just assuming. Have you ever done anything grand for her before? How were things the other times she took you back? Let me guess she missed you and in a moment of weakness you preyed on her vulnerability?”
“That’s fair. You’re right I am an asshole.” He admitted in shame.
“You don’t really seem like an asshole, just a coward.”
He placed his hand on his heart dramatically as if she shot him.
“Coward is worse.” He exclaimed.
“Yeah it is I agree. Honestly, I don’t think you’re a coward.”
“You don’t?”
“No, because you know you’ll never be able to give her what she needs and you’re leaving her alone so that she can go get what she deserves.”
“Well I guess that’s fair. She does deserve better anyway.”
“Gold star for admitting that.” She stated and tapped her hand on her mug as a mock applause.
“Whatever.” Jacob stated rolling his eyes.
“Sorry it didn’t work out with the girl, but I am happy it led me to a new friend.” Eve stated.
“Yeah in a weird turn of events.” Jacob agreed.
The two talked until the thermos was gone. Eve was basically Mary Poppins because she also pulled a blanket and snacks out of her bag. Although to some it would seem romantic, the vibe was not, but there was a connection that he couldn’t understand. She spoke to him honestly; it was as if she already knew the truth anyway so he was honest too. He admitted things to Eve that he had never admitted to any one, not even himself. He was experiencing and epiphany and all he could think about was how he wanted to share it with his ex.
“Well, it’s cold and the rations have been depleted.” Eve stated.
She grabbed the blanket and folded it up and shoved it in her bag along with the thermos, mugs and the snack bags.
“Let me walk you home.” Jacob stated.
“No. I drove. My truck is in that parking lot right over there.”
“Okay I will walk you there, I walked anyway it’s my way out.”
Eve nodded and they began to walk in silence. They didn’t speak until they approached the truck.
“I had a really nice time.” Eve said.
“I did too I needed that.”
“I know you did Jacob.” She wrapped her arms around him and he embraced her as well as he inhaled her sage and lavender scent one last time.
She turned around and he leaned over and opened the truck door for her. Before she pulled it shut she said, “Hey Jacob, good luck and pro tip stop making accuses about everything.” She then winked and slammed the door shut. She backed out of the spot and as she pulled away he read 1111 on her license plate. That seemed random. Then he looked up to see angel wing decals on the back of her truck’s window.
He turned around to walk home. He was feeling a little tipsy from the cider and the entire two-block walk home couldn’t stop thinking about her license plate and angel wings. What did this mean? Was this a coincidence? Was this real life? Was he simply drunk? Was he drugged? All he knew was that he needed to talk to Olivia. He was now standing in front of his jeep in his driveway. He reached into pocket for his keys, but then realized he was a little too buzzed to drive. He shoved them back in his pocket and pulled out his phone to order an Uber, but it was dead. “Damn it.” He yelled into the middle of the street. He could go in and charge it, he thought to himself. He leaned against his car and buried his head in his hands and began to sob. He was completely disconnected from the entire world and the only way to reconnect was through her. He needed her, she was his oxygen. He stepped away from the truck and wiped his face and before he can even comprehend his next thought he was running. He had no plan; all he knew was where he was going.
Once he made it the two miles down the road to Olivia’s complex, he collapsed on the lawn in front of her building in exhaustion. After a few deep breathes he pulled himself up and looked around for something to throw at her window on the second floor. He scooped up a handle of pebbles from the landscaping and began to chuck them at the window. After the first one he saw his dog Chester’s fuzzy brown head under the curtains. After the third one he saw the blinds peel back, which revealed Olivia’s distain. She slid the window open.
“What the fuck Jacob.” She yelled.
“Hey to you too.” He shouted back.
She slammed the window shut and moved away and the blinds to fall back into place shutting him out from her once again.
His heart dropped into the pit of his stomach and all he wanted to do was collapse back onto that grass and die. He heard the building door open and looked up to see Olivia in a long pink fuzzy robe, avocado pajama pants, a sweatshirt with peace sign on it and pink fuzzy slippers shaped like bunnies.
“I have a buzzer you know.” She dryly stated.
He rushed to her and took her into his arms and squeezed her. She didn’t resist, but also didn’t engage.
“What are you doing here? Why are you all sweaty? Did you run here? Are you drunk?” She asked after he pulled himself away from her.
“I had to see you. Yes I had a couple so I ran here.”
“So is that all you need is a little liquid courage and you can make the effort? You are unbelievable.”
“Don’t be like that.”
“Don’t tell me how to be. You always do this. It’s like you can sense when I am moving on and you reenter and just fuck everything up again.”
“No, no you have it all wrong. I’ve changed. Wait moving on what do you mean by that?”
“None of your business. You haven’t changed. I am begging you, let me go.” She said with tears running down her cheeks.
He leaned in to wipe them and she smacked his hand away.
“I am so sorry.”
“You always are.”
“Okay well. I am sorry I bothered you. Have a good rest of your night.”
“You too.”
He expected her to let him upstairs to at least warm up and talk. He never imagined that she would be this cold. He wanted to blame her, but he knew in his heart that he had turned her into this.
“I will never meet anyone like you again in my life and you have no idea how much I regret everything and how sorry I am.” He stated through choked tears.
She blankly stared at him. He wasn’t sure what he was expected he, but reaction wasn’t it.
He turned around and started to walk away.
“Jacob.” Olivia shouted as if she had forced the name out of her mouth.
“Yeah?” He asked as he swung around to face her.
“Come upstairs. I will make you a coffee to warm you up.”
Right in that moment he thought about Eve. What she said about letting this girl go if he couldn’t give her what she needed. He knew that tonight and maybe even the next day could be great, but was he able to truly offer her everything she deserved in the long run? Would going upstairs create a temporary pleasure that would result in the opening of more wounds for her?
“So you coming or what?” She asked.
He looked at her and grinned, “You have hot chocolate?”
She rolled her eyes and smirked, “Yes brat, lets go I am freezing.”
Lance, “this is our company we can come and go whenever we please. Plus I thought you already sent in your piece for final editing.”
“Yeah I did.”
“Then lets go get fucked up and celebrate. Thirsty Thursday.”
“I can’t. I have plans.”
Lance placed his elbows on the desk and leaned in placing his chin on his palms, “Oh tell me more” he said jokingly.
“It’s just this chick from this dating app. I don’t know I downloaded it because I was bored and I didn’t think I would find anyone, but this chick just seemed interesting.”
“Well whatever helps you to get your mind off of dare I say her name.”
“Okay thank you for your input.” Jacob replied irritated. How could he minimize her to just some woman he talked about all the time.
“So where are you guys going?” Lance asked not picking up that he’s long overstayed his welcome in Jacob’s office.
“There’s this park near my condo. She wants to meet there.”
“She wants to meet in a park? It’s January in Michigan. It’s only 30 degrees out. Man this chick most be hot.”
“She’s really pretty, she’s different not my usual type.”
Lance put his hand out motioning for Jacob’s phone, “Show me.”
Jacob reluctantly opened his app, found her profile and handed the phone to his friend. Lily had long wavy strawberry blonde hair, big green eyes and was faired skin. She was she was lean and curvy. In one picture she wore a long haltered green maxi dress.
“How is this not your regular type?” Lance asked.
“What do you mean? I usually date brunettes.”
“Okay and you always date hippies. Even when we were in high school you would pick up chicks at those emo shows. They must me wild in bed.”
“You are just disturbed.” Jacob said as he ripped the phone from his hand. “Don’t you have a wife to go home to anyway?”
“Katie and the girls are in Toledo for the day on a field trip. They won’t be home until later this evening.”
“Oh okay so now I get why you wanted to hang out because you don’t want to eat dinner alone.”
Lance shrugged his shoulders then got up and walked towards the door.
“Hey.” He said in a serious tone before he exited the office.
“Yeah.” Jacob said.”
“I hope this chick doesn’t murder you.”
“I hate you.”
Lance laughed and left the room and the office door wide open. Jacob threw up his hands in annoyance then leaned back in his chair. He picked up his phone and hit the albums app, but changed his mind and immediately closed it. He knew that he had to move on. This was his fault. She fought for him and he just never put in the same effort. He watched her cry, ignored her paragraphs of texts, and lied to her face when she begged him for the truth. He wasn’t mature enough for her. Even at 36 he wasn’t ready to be responsible for the needs and feelings of another human being. He thought he could be now, but he knew she would never take him back again and he had to figure out how to accept that.
Jacob stood in front of his bathroom mirror. He couldn’t remember the last time he got ready for a date, if ever. He was on and off with his ex for 6 years and everything before and in between was simply casual, which required no effort. Although effort would have been beneficial in his last relationship the amount that he put in wasn’t substantial, mediocre at best. He slapped cologne on his freshly shaved neck then ran a comb through his shaggy hair before slipping a black beanie over his head. He sighed loudly into the mirror then turned around, switched the bathroom light off and walked into his bare living room. He had yet to refurnish fully since the break up. His aunt gave him a lazy boy and ottoman and he had his 27-inch television stationed on a tv dinner tray. He had the funds to upgrade, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He dramatically collapsed onto the chair then leaned over and pulled on his boots. He then stood up and pulled a plain back hoodie over his t-shirt and jeans and then his black winter jacket over that. He stepped out of his condo onto his porch, but before locking the door he realized he had forgotten something. He walked back inside and grabbed a bowl of cat food then exited the condo once again locking the door behind him. He stopped on the porch and began to look around for his friend. She wasn’t anywhere insight. His ex always fed a stray black cat that would frequently house herself in the bushes outside of the condo. He sighed and then walked over to the bush and sat the bowl of food down in hopes that Kitten – which is what they called her, would eat it when she came back around.
The park was only a block form his condo so he decided to walk to the date. He figured he could use the exercise and the fresh air and also hoped the walk would settle his jitters. He looked at all of the houses as he walked. The holidays had already passed, but some houses still had lights up. He smiled at that. As he reached the entrance of the park his heart began to pound, he was nervous. He couldn’t believe this; he never got nervous or embarrassed. Usually the only emotions he felt were annoyance and frustration. He saw a woman with her back to him in yoga pose next to a week.
Oh god he thought to himself, what did he get himself into.
She spun around as if she read his mind and smiled and waved.
She was gorgeous. She had long strawberry blonde hair and was fair skinned, but her nose and cheeks were rosy from the cold. She wore a green button up petticoat, a rainbow beanie with a matching scarf and gloves, leggings and high black boots with a faux fur trim.
They began to walk towards each other; he smirked at her and she smiled widely at him revealing a set of perfectly straight teeth.
“Hi I am Jacob.” He introduced himself as he reached out his hand to shake hers.
She ignored the hand and wrapped her arms around him tightly. He inhaled her, she smelled of lavender and sage. This usually would of made him feel uncomfortable, but there was something magically comforting about her whole aura.
She loosened her grip and stepped back.
“Jacob I am so grateful for this opportunity to meet you. I am Eve. Sorry if I caught you off guard. I get so caught up in my own joy sometimes!”
“It’s ok. It’s really nice to meet you Eve.”
“So have you been to this magical place before?” Eve asked him as she motioned to the park behind him.
He didn’t understand what was magical about it. The park was really just a field with a track around it along a creek with clusters of trees on one side and play scape and swing set in the middle.
“Um yeah I have. I used to bring my dog Chester here.”
“Oh you have dog! Oh you should have brought him!” Eve stated in excitement.
He felt a sharp pain in his chest.
“Oh actually I don’t have him anymore. Let’s just say I lost the custody battle.”
Eve frowned. “I am so sorry to hear that.”
“Thanks.” He responded in hopes that the subject would change quickly.
“Well I love this park. It’s purely magical. Come lets walk.” She started to walk and he staggered close behind her.
“You know I do understand your appreciation for nature, but I am sorry, I am confused about what is so great about this park right now, everything is dead. I prefer colors and life.”
“Is that so?” Eve asked as she turned and looked him up and down in his all black apparel.
“Touche.” He responded.
She smirked and started to walk again and he followed behind her.
“Well first of all look around for a minute. Is EVERYTHING truly dead? There’s absolutely NO life at all?”
“Nada.” Jacob answered quickly.
“Okay. What about those squirrels in the tree, the ducks in the creek or the birds in the sky?” She asked and stopped so quickly that Jacob almost collided into her.
“I don’t know I never really thought of it like that before.”
“Perspective. Anyway you know what else I love about a park in the winter?”
“Do I get a hint because I feel like I will be way off?”
Eve giggled. “You’re funny! Oh my goodness you probably think I am nuts! I am sorry I get swept up.” She walked over to a bench and sat down. She patted the seat next her for him to join her so he did. She pulled a thermos out of her bag and two full-sized coffee mugs and handed him a yellow one with a smiley face on it. Hers was a novelty from an animal rescue. She motioned for his mug and he put it towards her and she began to pour. “Spiked cider.” She stated then poured some into her own mug.
“Thank you. So what is the other reason you love this park in the winter?”
“Oh yeah! Because it’s quiet, it’s just the animals and me. No humans here ruining nature. There’s just something about winter that scares off predators. Yeah know what I mean?”
“I guess. So why did you bring me here?” Jacob asked. He was genuinely interested even though he was mildly concerned that Lance was possibly right and he was going to get murdered. He fully accepted that if he was murdered it would be due to his own much deserved karma.
“I don’t know. I guess you seemed cool. Like you would respect it and maybe not understand, but not judge me for what I like.”
“I actually do get that. And to be honest now looking at it, you’re right there is a lot of beauty here even without all the leaves and grass.”
“Yeah like what?” Eve asked then took a sip of her cider.
“Like the shape of the trees. They’re all different. You don’t notice it as much when there are leaves on the tree. With the leaves all the trees blend together, but in their bareness they stand out. Also the mounds of snow left over from the last fell. The stubborn piles that refused to melt when the temperature rose. It’s amazing how all these tiny little snowflakes can come together to add these beautiful splashes of color to the drab winter scenery.”
Eve looked surprised. “Wow yeah, I think all of that myself.”
Jacob felt proud. He impressed her and that made him feel good. He hadn’t felt that way in a long time and that made him think of her again, which caused his smile to drop to a frown.
“Hey what’s wrong?” Eve asked.
He was shocked and embarrassed that she noticed that and struggled to find an answer.
“Did I do or say something?” She asked concerned.
“No you didn’t. Well kind of, but not on purpose. You did something that reminded me of someone.”
Eve’s face lit up in excitement and she cooed “Ohhhh”
This was not the reaction he had expected from a woman he was on a date with about his ex, so he assumed she didn’t understand what he meant.
“So how long have you guys been broken up?” She slyly asked.
Okay never mind, she got it and she’s interested, he thought to himself before he responded.
“Oh man, we don’t have to do this whole ex talk.”
“That’s not what this is. I did something to trigger an emotion about your ex and I think you should explore that unhealed version of yourself.”
“Are you a therapist or something?” He asked suddenly insanely confused.
“No I am not. I am intuitive.” She answered seriously.
“Are you saying you are like psychic?”
“No I am not saying that. Do you need to Google the word intuitive? I thought you were an educated man.”
He just looked her at in shock. There wasn’t anything he could think of to say.
“I am just messing with you! Well I was serious about everything I actually said, but like I am not being salty or anything.”
“Oh okay.” Jacob said still confused and not sure what to say next.
“Listen I can see I am being intense. That’s fine. I get it, you can totally go, but if you need to talk to someone about what’s going on in your head and your heart you could stay and do that with me. We still have a whole thermos of spike cider and you walked here so it’s up to you.”
Jacob took a large gulp of his cider and leaned the glass over to Eve for a refill and she poured it.
“So there’s this girl, obviously you get that. She was the one that got away. And now it’s all I can think about. And no she won’t take me back there isn’t any trying because I already had other chances and blew it and she’s never been more serious than she is now.”
“Did you try to talk to her, to show her this new self?”
“Well no.”
“Then how does she know you’re sorry and you’ve changed? You’re just assuming. Have you ever done anything grand for her before? How were things the other times she took you back? Let me guess she missed you and in a moment of weakness you preyed on her vulnerability?”
“That’s fair. You’re right I am an asshole.” He admitted in shame.
“You don’t really seem like an asshole, just a coward.”
He placed his hand on his heart dramatically as if she shot him.
“Coward is worse.” He exclaimed.
“Yeah it is I agree. Honestly, I don’t think you’re a coward.”
“You don’t?”
“No, because you know you’ll never be able to give her what she needs and you’re leaving her alone so that she can go get what she deserves.”
“Well I guess that’s fair. She does deserve better anyway.”
“Gold star for admitting that.” She stated and tapped her hand on her mug as a mock applause.
“Whatever.” Jacob stated rolling his eyes.
“Sorry it didn’t work out with the girl, but I am happy it led me to a new friend.” Eve stated.
“Yeah in a weird turn of events.” Jacob agreed.
The two talked until the thermos was gone. Eve was basically Mary Poppins because she also pulled a blanket and snacks out of her bag. Although to some it would seem romantic, the vibe was not, but there was a connection that he couldn’t understand. She spoke to him honestly; it was as if she already knew the truth anyway so he was honest too. He admitted things to Eve that he had never admitted to any one, not even himself. He was experiencing and epiphany and all he could think about was how he wanted to share it with his ex.
“Well, it’s cold and the rations have been depleted.” Eve stated.
She grabbed the blanket and folded it up and shoved it in her bag along with the thermos, mugs and the snack bags.
“Let me walk you home.” Jacob stated.
“No. I drove. My truck is in that parking lot right over there.”
“Okay I will walk you there, I walked anyway it’s my way out.”
Eve nodded and they began to walk in silence. They didn’t speak until they approached the truck.
“I had a really nice time.” Eve said.
“I did too I needed that.”
“I know you did Jacob.” She wrapped her arms around him and he embraced her as well as he inhaled her sage and lavender scent one last time.
She turned around and he leaned over and opened the truck door for her. Before she pulled it shut she said, “Hey Jacob, good luck and pro tip stop making accuses about everything.” She then winked and slammed the door shut. She backed out of the spot and as she pulled away he read 1111 on her license plate. That seemed random. Then he looked up to see angel wing decals on the back of her truck’s window.
He turned around to walk home. He was feeling a little tipsy from the cider and the entire two-block walk home couldn’t stop thinking about her license plate and angel wings. What did this mean? Was this a coincidence? Was this real life? Was he simply drunk? Was he drugged? All he knew was that he needed to talk to Olivia. He was now standing in front of his jeep in his driveway. He reached into pocket for his keys, but then realized he was a little too buzzed to drive. He shoved them back in his pocket and pulled out his phone to order an Uber, but it was dead. “Damn it.” He yelled into the middle of the street. He could go in and charge it, he thought to himself. He leaned against his car and buried his head in his hands and began to sob. He was completely disconnected from the entire world and the only way to reconnect was through her. He needed her, she was his oxygen. He stepped away from the truck and wiped his face and before he can even comprehend his next thought he was running. He had no plan; all he knew was where he was going.
Once he made it the two miles down the road to Olivia’s complex, he collapsed on the lawn in front of her building in exhaustion. After a few deep breathes he pulled himself up and looked around for something to throw at her window on the second floor. He scooped up a handle of pebbles from the landscaping and began to chuck them at the window. After the first one he saw his dog Chester’s fuzzy brown head under the curtains. After the third one he saw the blinds peel back, which revealed Olivia’s distain. She slid the window open.
“What the fuck Jacob.” She yelled.
“Hey to you too.” He shouted back.
She slammed the window shut and moved away and the blinds to fall back into place shutting him out from her once again.
His heart dropped into the pit of his stomach and all he wanted to do was collapse back onto that grass and die. He heard the building door open and looked up to see Olivia in a long pink fuzzy robe, avocado pajama pants, a sweatshirt with peace sign on it and pink fuzzy slippers shaped like bunnies.
“I have a buzzer you know.” She dryly stated.
He rushed to her and took her into his arms and squeezed her. She didn’t resist, but also didn’t engage.
“What are you doing here? Why are you all sweaty? Did you run here? Are you drunk?” She asked after he pulled himself away from her.
“I had to see you. Yes I had a couple so I ran here.”
“So is that all you need is a little liquid courage and you can make the effort? You are unbelievable.”
“Don’t be like that.”
“Don’t tell me how to be. You always do this. It’s like you can sense when I am moving on and you reenter and just fuck everything up again.”
“No, no you have it all wrong. I’ve changed. Wait moving on what do you mean by that?”
“None of your business. You haven’t changed. I am begging you, let me go.” She said with tears running down her cheeks.
He leaned in to wipe them and she smacked his hand away.
“I am so sorry.”
“You always are.”
“Okay well. I am sorry I bothered you. Have a good rest of your night.”
“You too.”
He expected her to let him upstairs to at least warm up and talk. He never imagined that she would be this cold. He wanted to blame her, but he knew in his heart that he had turned her into this.
“I will never meet anyone like you again in my life and you have no idea how much I regret everything and how sorry I am.” He stated through choked tears.
She blankly stared at him. He wasn’t sure what he was expected he, but reaction wasn’t it.
He turned around and started to walk away.
“Jacob.” Olivia shouted as if she had forced the name out of her mouth.
“Yeah?” He asked as he swung around to face her.
“Come upstairs. I will make you a coffee to warm you up.”
Right in that moment he thought about Eve. What she said about letting this girl go if he couldn’t give her what she needed. He knew that tonight and maybe even the next day could be great, but was he able to truly offer her everything she deserved in the long run? Would going upstairs create a temporary pleasure that would result in the opening of more wounds for her?
“So you coming or what?” She asked.
He looked at her and grinned, “You have hot chocolate?”
She rolled her eyes and smirked, “Yes brat, lets go I am freezing.”
