My Story
There is an absence of the sounds that I was expecting at this moment.
No cries.
No congratulations.
The doctors pause, staring downwards at my baby. Then they quickly whisk my baby away. I hold my breath, listening intently as their footsteps fade.
What is wrong with my baby?
The sounds of the footsteps grow louder and my eyes frantically track the doctor as he strides back into my room. I do not even get a chance to take a breath. The doctor starts explaining that my baby is a girl. This, he says, “is the good news.”
The shocking news?
She has multiple health issues including heart disease and cystic fibrosis, life-long issues that will require ongoing treatment. My jaw drops to the floor, my heart sinks and my stomach is in a knot. I take a moment to absorb all the information that he has given me. How can I afford all of this treatment? With no family to support me I know that I will be facing this by myself, and I can’t help but think about the logistics; this treatment will be expensive.
I shiver. My body has had the chance to cool, and I am now painfully aware of my surroundings. I can feel the starchy sheets beneath my legs, and my skin begins to itch. My mind races and I become preoccupied with the what ifs. What if I am not capable of giving my child the care she deserves? What if we end up on the streets? What if I can't provide the type of dream life that I imagined? I close my eyes tight and take a deep breath in. I exhale.
