[perfect crystal heart]
“It used to be us against the world, and now I’m fighting this battle alone; me and you and the world but it was okay because we were us, but now ‘us’ is me, and you’re not here by my side.”
There’s a tapping sound on my window, and I jump up and run to it, opening it.
“Hey,” I say with a smile.
“Hey, Ry.” He smiles back, his face bright and cheerful as always. He runs a hand through his chestnut brown hair and sits on my bed. I sit on the floor, facing James as I pull out a textbook from my bag, and he leans down to kiss me.
I kiss him back for a second but then pull away and laugh. “James! We agreed to study together. Study!”
He laughs, too. “What, I can’t steal a kiss from my amazing boyfriend?” I blush slightly and huff, playfully hitting his arm. “Fine, fine,” he says with a smile, “studying it is.”
I lay on the floor facing my bed, papers scattered on the floor in front of me. I choose one paper in particular and clip it on my clipboard, flicking my pencil between my fingers while I think. I grab my phone and pull open Spotify, clicking play on our playlist we made together.
I can hear his soft humming with the song, and I smile. I have a faint feeling in the back of my mind somewhere that something here isn’t right, but I decide it’s nothing and focus on the question on my textbook.
James is laying on the mattress that still doesn’t have a bed frame to hold it off the ground yet, facing me. Occasionally, he’ll lean down and kiss my forehead, making me smile. I tilt my head up and catch his lips for a moment, but finally go back to doing the practice problems. He grins before doing the same.
Music hums in the background and rain begins to softly beat down, a few taps increasing into a steady rhythm. I listen to the sound of James humming, the soft music that brings back memories of us, and the rain against the window, and sigh. The world outside the bedroom seems to fade away until it’s just the two of us. It’s perfect.
“James,” I whisper, “Jaaames!”
He groggily opens his eyes, blinking until his bright blue eyes met mine. “Ry?” He yawns. “What time is it?”
I check my watch. “6:30. Ish.”
He makes a sound of annoyance in response. “I’m going back to bed.”
“Wait, noo!” I look at him with pleading eyes. “I want to show you something.”
He sighs, but that small smile I love creeps up onto his lips. “You’re lucky I love you, Ry. I wouldn’t get up this early for anyone else.” I grin brightly and grab his hand, dragging him out of bed.
“Hurry and put your shoes on, I don’t want to miss it!”
He rolls off of the bed and thuds onto the floor, and I laugh. The house didn’t shake like it normally would have. I grab his shoes from where he had left them by the window last night, and I toss them over in his direction. “Hey!” He exclaims, rolling out of the way, but he’s laughing too. I smile innocently, and he just smiles softly and puts his shoes on.
“You’ll need a jacket, too. It’s early and it’s wintertime,” I tell him.
When I look over, though, he already has his thick coat on. I don’t remember seeing him put it on, but I wasn’t looking at him, either. “Actually, the first day of winter is tomorrow,” he informs me.
I roll my eyes and wrap his scarf around his neck, the one he has worn all the time every winter since I got it for him in our freshman year. It’s just a simple gray scarf with snowflakes on it, but he claims he loves it. I keep the ends of his scarf in my hands, using it to pull him towards me as I press my lips against his. He chuckles against my face and I pull away, excitedly grabbing his hand and pulling him over to the window.
I flip the locks over and lift the window up, just enough to fit through, and climb out onto the roof. James follows wordlessly behind, already knowing the routine from the countless nights he spent up here with me while my parents screamed at each other inside before they finally got a divorce.
“You wanted to show me the.. roof?” James asks, “Ry, I’ve been up here a million times with you.”
“No, no. There’s something special this time. Hurry, come on!” He sighs, his classic small smile playing on his lips, his eyes dancing.
I sigh in relief as I plop down on the tiles, “Good, we made it in time.” He looks at me questioningly, but sits down beside me anyway. I unwrap the blanket I had grabbed before we got up here and drape it over our legs and stare ahead, my face softening as I sigh in contentment.
“Look,” I say. The sun begins to peak through the trees, arrays of colors painting the sky. It doesn’t usually snow here, at least not much, but there will be icy roads and a thin layer of frost that coats the grass and trees, just like it did last night. Everything is a beautiful, untouched white. The sun makes the entire world sparkle as it starts to rise, and even if it’s just our small, boring city, it looks breathtaking at this moment.
“Whoa,” he breathes. I glance over and smile at his slightly open mouth as he gazes in awe at the sky. He must’ve felt me watching because suddenly I see his blue eyes facing me instead of the side of his face, his grin just as breathtaking. “I can see why you like sunrises over sunsets now.”
“I can’t believe we’ve never watched the sunrise together before.” The sun slowly rises above the trees, rays of light making the entire world shimmer.
He shrugs and responds with: “You know I hate getting up early, so it’s not too surprising.” We laugh together and then find a comfortable silence, just enjoying each other’s company and warmth. The world disappears again- just us, the roof, and the beautiful sunrise. Like all the other times I’m with him, James makes me feel safe. Like maybe, just maybe, everything might be okay.
We finally climbed back inside when it got too cold to stay out, and ended up falling asleep again on my bed. Light bleeds in through the window as I blink my eyes open, and I slide out of bed. James is still asleep in my bed, so I decide not to wake him and instead make my way downstairs.
All the lights are turned off and the entire house feels way too quiet. I make my way over to the coffee pot and find a piece of paper resting over the buttons of it that reads in my mom’s quick, scribbled handwriting:
Good morning!
I had to go in for work today again
sorry sweetie.
Ruby will be here later tonight but
I won’t be home until late
I love you! Have a good day
I smile softly and fold the note into a small square, tucking it into the pocket of my sweatpants. I get the coffee ready, pressing the button and sighing happily at the beautiful sound of coffee brewing. I creep over to the cabinet and pull out a few mixing bowls and other materials needed, also pulling my phone and inserting my earbud as I press play on my playlist.
I bob my head slightly, mixing the ingredients in the correct order. Thankfully, I remembered to buy the box yesterday, and I just add a few extra ingredients to make it slightly better.
A couple of hours later, when all of it is finally ready and cooled down enough, I take the chocolate cake out of the fridge and begin to spread the blue, vanilla buttercream icing around it. I don’t write anything on it, just a plain blue cake with a candle ready, and I put it back in the fridge.
I’d been reading my book and listening to music with one earbud in for a while when James came shuffling down the stairs. Even in just a hoodie and sweatpants with his floppy chestnut brown bedhead hair, he looked great.
“You reading that one book?” He asks, yawning as he sits down in the chair beside me.
“Yup, almost done with it though,” I reply.
“What’s it called again? Universe’s Edge or something?” I chuckle and reply with: “It’s called At The Edge of the Universe. It’s by Shaun David Hutchinson, that one author I really like.”
He rolls his eyes jokingly, “I don’t understand why you love romance so much.”
“It’s not just romance! It’s so much more!” I inform him, “And hey, it’s more like something you’d like than those other high school romcom-type books I like. And he’s actually a really great author.”
“Yeah, but sci-fi and fantasy are way better. They’re just so much more interesting,” is James’s reply.
“He actually has a book I think you’d like. It’s called ‘A Complicated Love Story Set In Space’.” He opens his mouth to reply, but I cut him off, “I know it says love story, but there’s a lot of sci-fi and other stuff in it. I think you’d like it.” He rolls his eyes, but then smiles softly.
James sighs and shakes his head, clicking his tongue. “You and your books.” He smirks, “But I still love you.”
I let out an exasperated breath, “Suit yourself, but you’re the one missing out on amazing books.” Before he can answer, I jump out of my seat suddenly. “Oh! I almost forgot," I walk over to the fridge and my boyfriend's eyes follow me, curiously. The door blocks his view from me and I grab the lighter off the counter and light the candle after placing it in the top of the cake.
"Hurry, turn off the lights!" I tell him.
"Um, okay?" He gets up slowly and walks over to the light switch across the room and flips it off. "Why?" He draws out the word, confused.
I reveal the blue cake and close the fridge, the room still fairly lit from the sunlight seeping in through the windows, but it's darker at least.
I take a breath and start to sing in my terrible singing voice, "Happy birthday to you~" James grins and sits back at the table as I walk over with the cake, repeating the line. "Happy birthday dear Jaaaames, happy birthday to youu," My grin is just as wide as his, despite my embarrassing, shaky singing.
"Cake for breakfast?" He smirks, "That's not very healthy, Ryan," he says in a joking tone. I swat his arm and set the cake on the table. His eyes soften and he smiles, "You baked for me?" Then he says, "I forgot it was even my birthday."
I laugh but push the cake closer to him. "Blow out the candles and make a wish." He looks at me for a moment before leaning close to the cake. Just before he can blow it out, though, the nearby fan I had previously turned on to cool off blows, and the flame flickers before disappearing. He pauses, then we both laugh together. "Well, you still made a wish, right?" He nods and I smile softly. "Good."
I cut us each a piece of the cake and put his plate in front of him with a fork sticking out of it. We eat together and I pull out my phone, pressing play on the playlist we made together called 'Us'. The picture shows a blurry, dark picture Ruby took of us running down the street at one in the morning, hand in hand, the flickering streetlights' orange glow gazing down on us as we laugh and run, not a care in the world. I loved that day.
Music fills the silence, wrapping around us. James starts humming softly along with the song before eating another bite of the chocolate cake. His humming- and singing- are my favorite sounds. This moment is perfect.
"Happy birthday, James." He smiles sweetly, and it melts my heart. I love this boy.
I look out the window, at the sparkling frost covering the world in a beautiful, untouched, perfect way. It feels like a dream. One I never want to wake up from.
