-New Beginnings-
*Juniper*
Parents are supposed to be the ones who keep you safe, who love you unconditionally and no matter the situation will always care for you. That’s what they signed up for as parents. It’s their job. Sometimes though, they don’t do any of that. Instead they’re the ones who hurt you. They cause you pain. They don’t love you. Sometimes they bring out the darkness inside of you.
An exhausted sigh left me as I stared out the window of the police car driving me to my grandmas. I’ve traveled to the other side of the Earth just to get to my grandmas little house in Italy. The police say it’s not safe with my parents anymore so I’m being sent to my only other living relative.
It’s not that I don’t love my grandma but…I don’t. How can I love someone I don’t know? How can I love anyone? They can’t love me in return. Nobody could.
“Juniper, we’ve arrived” the officer told me, she sounds American. I hadn’t even noticed we stopped driving, I was to lost in thought.
Without saying a word, I exited the car and grabbed my bags before making my way up the small cobblestone path to the little cottage. It’s quite pretty actually.
The house is made of a dark wood with lightly browned cobblestones lining the bottom with an adorable little chimney on the roof. The door is painted a bright red color. Kind of distracting but its not my house so I don’t care much.
The officer who’s name I won’t bother learning had followed me up and knocked on the door before turning to me. “Juniper, you should-”
Unnecessarily, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Do not speak to me. I will never have another interaction with you after today I don’t see why we should bother speaking. If you have any inquiries or requests, speak to my grandmother. Simple.” Is that necessary? Yes. She’s just going to tell me to ‘take it easy’. Everyone has said that since that night with my parents last month. I know what I should and shouldn’t do and I don’t need strangers telling me how to do it.
My grandmother opened the door with a smile and pulled me into a hug. “Oh Junebug I haven’t seen you since you were just a baby. How are you?”
I stiffened at the name immediately. That’s what my mother called me from the time I was born to the day of the incident. “I’m doing as well as anyone could be after what happened. I’m very tired from the flight and the drive, would you show me to my room?” I might not be happy but I have no reason to disrespect my grandmother as I’ll be living with her for the next two years at least.
She gave me a sympathetic look and pulled away from the hug. “Sure I can show you to your room Junebug. Just follow me.” She called me that name again…
Being the obedient person I am, I nodded and followed her to an averagely sized guest room in the back of the cottage. It’s decorated in pale pinks and yellows as if made for a little girl. This was my mothers room. I remember the pictures. My mother grew up in this room. Is this where she was tainted by the evil that is my father or was it somewhere else?
I already know the answer. This is the room where he broke her, tainted her, manipulated her and made me. Possibly the worst thing he could’ve done. Cursing me to exist in this world. Cursing other to have to deal with my existence.
My father was a liar and he wormed his way into my mothers head with pretty words all because she was the ‘ideal match’ to create an heir for him. He destroyed the innocent sweet girl she was and turned her into the wicked woman the world has come to know.
“I know this was my dearest Delilah’s room but it’s all I have and I figured you might like it..” she paused for a moment, “your parents aren’t bad people Junebug they’re just on a dark path.” She sounds as if she’s trying to convince herself more than me and by the look on her face, she might be.
There’s two flaws in what she’s saying though. “They’re not people. They’ve done to much, been through to much. There’s no humanity left.” I turned my gaze to my feet, “they’re not good either.” No matter how much I replay scenarios in my head and try to justify everything I’ve seen, they’re not good. I’m not good.
I’ve hurt people too. I swear I didn’t want want to hurt them but I just couldn’t control it. They just kept provoking me and there was to many emotions and I just couldn’t hold back. I’ve killed and destroyed families, my parents took the heat for it but it was me.
My attention was once again on my grandmother as she shook her head, “One day someone will come along and show you that you’re good and worthy of love Junebug. They’ll show you that it’s okay to love someone again. You’re not evil.” Her tone and words almost have me believing what she’s saying but she’s wrong and I know it.
I’m not, nor will I ever be, worthy of love. I’ll never be good. No matter how hard I try, I can never be good enough for anybody. Believe me, I’ve tried, I swear I have but I’ll never be able to do it. Mother and father made sure of that. There’s so much darkness inside of me. So much built up anger and rage and just utter despair. When I get worked up, there’s no stopping me.
“Do I start school tomorrow?” I asked, wanting to move the conversation away from my parents and I. Away from memories and the longing that comes with them. We used to be happy, even with everything they did. They loved me, I know they did and they still do. Or maybe it’s just lies.
Grandma made her way over to the wardrobe and opened it to reveal all my clothes from home. “You’ll start at Crimson Academy tomorrow. It’s going to help you. Teach you to control your…urges.”
…
“What kind of fucking name is ‘Crimson Academy’? That’s ridiculous.” I’m happy to learn to control everything but still.
Finally, a real laugh escaped her and she patted my shoulder, “it’s named after the family who started it and still owns it. The crimsons are powerful people, they’re family friends actually.”
Friends of my grandmother…or my mother? I didn’t bother asking about the details of that, I’m not sure I wish to know.
“They can teach me control?” After receiving a nod, I couldn’t hold back my smile. “I’m a bit tired, do you mind if I go to sleep now?”
