Chapter 1
Petra's POV
The music pumped from the speakers while aching from the pose I'd been holding for the last hour. John, the photographer, knelt and took the shot from a lower angle. "That's a wrap Petra."
I shook my arms out as I watched John consult with the client.
"Send those with what would be your choices, John. Petra, for once, it was a pleasure working with you."
A finger automatically extends, flipping the bird at the client. "I thought you turned over a new leaf," John calls.
"Dream on, he's a prick; you got the shot hours ago," I groaned as I moved behind the divider to change.
Wiping the makeup off and considered how to broach the subject with my family. My decision not to move back home wouldn't make them happy. Pack life was something that made me uncomfortable. I am not one for rules. Nor the horrible one-sided conversations with my father about the joy of mating. If Dad only had an inkling of the truth?
What I'd been doing these last two years was avoiding him because it would break his heart? I sighed while cleaning my face and dressed. I'm a mess.
The enhancements that come with shifting were fading. I believe that is because of the concoction Leon sends me because I can't let my wolf be in control.
Now basing myself back in New York, it was time to come clean, which would be no easy feat. I imagined the daunting task ahead and Dad's ultimate disappointment. Out on the street, I hailed a taxi and headed toward the hotel.
Upon arrival, I walked straight to the bar and ordered a drink. The TV had a Jets and Stars game replaying. I love ice hockey, and who wouldn't? Hunky men with a puck add a dash of violence. A winning combination, as I ask, no one in particular. "How old is this game?"
"A couple of years." He glances towards me, then away his head snaps back. "Hey, aren't you?"
I got up and left. It was too much to ask for one day to relax without somebody recognising me. In my room, I change and then make my way to the gym. Full of excess energy. Every time, I thought about my shift, which had been more frequent since my return to the states. I became so angry. I can't remember anything Dad said. I didn't pay attention, switching off when he told me to save myself for my mate. I climb on the treadmill setting it for an all-terrain run.
I woke drenched in sweat with stabbing cramps, and I thought I would die. Mia, my roommate, flitted in and out of the room. My body seemed to reject any form of comfort.
I became lost in the pain-filled haze at a time when Alpha Leon arrived. Somehow he coached me to reach out and connect with my wolf. When I found her, all I sensed was untold hurt. I didn't understand, begging her to help me. She refused.
My bones cracked and realigned as another touch set off, a barrage of unimaginable agony. I pleaded with my wolf, but she didn't help me. She didn’t respond. I could feel her presence, though it seemed like a knife thrust into my heart. My breaths became shallow. I couldn't take any more pain. I wanted it to end.
I blacked out, and when I did wake, it wasn't in wolf form. Mia was at my bedside, sad, and we weren't in our flat anymore. My shift took five hours to complete, which Alpha Leon had never seen before. But my wolf was beautiful, not that it matters. I remember, at that moment, reaching out, not finding her.
To be told she was feral after the shift and tried to attack, she would not submit freely. In the end, my anger was so predominant that Leon feared they would lose me to my wolf side. So they tranquillised me before I could hurt anyone.
I don't recall after the shift, and when I asked why I couldn't feel her? He said I would need to suppress her. I stayed for a week to allow the medication time to work. And with a promise from Alpha Leon not to pass the information on, I left. He tried to convince me to tell Dad, but I did not want to disappoint him. Even when I tried not to, I felt I did.
I keep running until my muscles turn to jelly and want to give out. It is the only way. Switching the treadmill off, I catch my breath as I walk back to my room. The anger is still bubbling deep inside all the time now, wanting to consume me as well as everything in its path. I strive to be that calm, happy person I had been before the shift. Who I am now is someone I struggle to recognise because; I'm different.
