Chapter 1
Start writing here…Chapter 1
Ivy’s POV
I watch as they walk holding the black box. It took 6 men to do it. Although I don’t consider Dane or Jace men. They still hold the casket and dressed accordingly for the event surprisingly, making them look like “men” I see Mathew, Jace, and Dane holding the casket on the side closest to me. Then Makiah, Dunken, and Millten on the other side. I watch as they head for the dugout hole with the headstone at the far end with the name Willow Marmen written on it. It was marble gray and the sky seemed to match it. It was a gray day, and it was cold but not like a winter cold, like a wet cold. It looked like it was about to rain or as if the sky felt the same way as me. Usually, I’d find this day oddly beautiful and comforting but now it was more exposing and annoying. Like the sky was mocking and mimicking me trying to tell everyone else how I felt. I looked down at the ground trying to distract myself from the sad reality that she was dead. I can only imagine how she felt now when it happened. Was she scared? Sad? At peace? Mad? Did she realize what she was leaving behind? Did she even think of us at that moment? I wouldn’t be mad if she didn’t, I can’t say I’d understand why she didn’t, but I can’t exactly be mad at someone I won’t ever see again. Or I can, but I see no point. The one question that I can’t seem to shake, or lose, or be at peace with it not being answered, was did she think of our father? Our sperm doner, why didn’t she tell us who he is? Who he was? I guess I’ll never know now. I don’t know if I will ever be able to be at peace with this or just be “OK” with it. I guess that’s one thing I regret. Never pushing the question more. Never asking. Never questioning. I always thought she would tell me one day, but I guess not anymore. I feel a cold tear slip down my face but the second it’s in one spot too long its warm. Once it leaves though its cold again. Leaving a stray trail down my face pooling under my chin. Just sitting there waiting for more to come before it’s too heavy to just sit any longer and falls to the ground. Not enough to water a plant but with the accompany of the now falling rain I guess it helps. I then feel another, and another, and then a third. Making 4, making the pool fall from my chin. I feel the other eye pooling up and watering up, but I wouldn’t let that fall. I wipe my eye with the thin black cotton sleeve, and then the other eye following the trail to my chin wiping the left-over water residue on my face. I look up to the six men lowering the casket in the hole. It all hits me then. This is all real. It’s all happening. It’s not a dream. Not a bad dream. Not a daydream. Not a loophole. Not some messed up fantasy. I turn away from the scene and head for the parking lot. I see my car, unlock it, turn it and the heater on and sit there. I can’t bring myself to just drive away and leave and I can’t bring myself to stand there and cry. I hate looking weak more than the idea of losing to my brother, which has got to be one of the worst things to happen. Up to this at least. I cross my arms over the steering wheel and lay my head on my arms. Now that I’m alone I just let the tears roll down knowing if I was alone or not, I wouldn’t have been able to stop them. I sit there and weep feeling helpless. How could this have happened? Why did this happen? To me? To my family? We were finally happy again. So much for that. Suddenly a rush of anger came with tears, and I couldn’t quite name the reason for it. I quickly sit up and punch the steering wheel then scream as I see the person at the window when they knock finally telling me they’re there. I looked up and saw Dane. Quickly I use one hand to wipe my eyes and realize I’m bleeding. I huff under my breath “great” I roll down the window with the other hand. I couldn’t bring myself to look at Dane, especially as I was still crying. I clench my right fist in my left hand trying to hide the blood. At least it doesn’t hurt. Yet. “What do you want Dane?” I say with a little more venom and hate than meant.
