Chaotic You

Time is a funny thing. When we’re happy, it flies by in the blink of an eye. When we’re miserable, it drags on as if never ending. Then, somehow, looking back at it makes it seem like a blur.

The question becomes, what does one remember most? Are their clearest memories those of joy or sadness, love or loss, triumphs or failures?

For Amber Rains, her memory had always been perfect. She could recall the time her mother took her dress shopping. They were happy and she can still picture her smiling that day though she was only five years old when it happened.

Yet, just as well, Amber remembered her mother’s funeral. Her father was a shell of who he once was and though she was a kid of only twelve, she could feel the emptiness in the house around them.

Yet, like always, time marched forward. Her father, William, fell on hard times when he lost his wife. His work suffered, he began drinking more and more.

Not to mention he always held a deep sadness in his eyes that even Amber’s jokes couldn’t lift. When she was eighteen he began to clean up his act and he went back to work in his field.

He was a financial coordinator and he got hired by a large investment company called Warren Financial Group.

She, on the other hand, was off to college. Amber was relieved that her dad was finally taking care of himself because, to be truthful, she wasn’t sure how much longer she would have had the heart to stay and watch him suffer.

She attended a small, state school and finally got her degree in interior design. Cliché as it was, she had always loved standing inside empty homes and picturing what they could become.

As a teenager, she even used to sneak into abandoned houses with her friends just to hang out there. Amber put her interest to use and she was thrilled to get hired at a large agency. Amber fit in well there, though she had yet to make any real friends since graduating.

It was while at this job that Amber fell into a relationship with a man named Brian Long. He had blue eyes and dirty blonde hair. He seemed to be able to captivate anyone he spoke with. He was always so confident and calm. She’d met him after working at the firm for a couple months.

He was actually the owner of the company she worked for. There was an obvious imbalance of power when they were together but Amber didn’t mind. At the time, she hardly noticed it but as previously stated, time is a funny thing. Looking back later, she would see things differently.

Still, that relationship and job came to an end abruptly. Amber met someone that effectively ruined her life.

It was at that time that she thought she realized something which changed her forever. Love is a lie. A big lie. One we tell ourselves to make up for how lonely it is to be human. Many had tried to prove her wrong, but all failed. Amber had evidence to back up her beliefs, unlike others. Two years later, she managed to get hired by another design firm.

Though, this one was further away from her father. He still didn’t understand why she had to leave but Amber couldn’t tell him the truth… Which was that she left because her bad judgement nearly cost William everything. Since then, her decisions had been more rational. Some would even say she’d become colder.

She was moving out of her tiny apartment and into a house. Someone was subletting her their place at a reasonable rate. The owner claimed he lived in California and would hardly be there, so the place would be all hers.

She had paid for the first six months and signed a lease. Her best friend from work, Sarah, helped to shuttle her boxes over. She was different than Amber was but she was always good company.

“This is the place you rented?” Sarah smiled happily, looking around the place.

“Right? And my landlord says I can have pets too. I’m thinking about getting a dog.” She grinned.

The house was a single level and had an open floor plan. There were lots of windows and even a sundeck. The place was sleek, even Amber would have to admit so.

“Get a cat. They’re better and cleaner.” Sarah suggested.

“They're also… Persnickety? Is that the right word?” She walked into the kitchen.

“It is if you’re Mrs. Doubtfire.” She chuckled before turning her eyes to the room around her. “This is definitely a man’s house. Look at all these neutral colors! And dark cabinets, wow. Cigar lounge much? Plus, who has black furniture? Men. That’s who.”

“I kind of like it. It’s simple but also has a level of class to it.” Amber shrugged.

“Uh-huh. That’s why you design more bank lobbies than me.” Sarah joked.

“Yeah, yeah. So, what’s new with you? You were late to the meeting this morning.” She began making a pot of coffee.

“My date ran long.” She answered as if she were bored.

“That bad huh?” Amber chuckled sarcastically.

“Not bad just not mind blowing. How hard is it to find a guy with a brain and the ability to give a girl an orgasm? It’s not impossible, right?” Sarah sighed.

“So, tell me. Was this guy a meat head or boring in bed?” She smiled at her friend’s ridiculous behavior.

“Oh, I got mine! But he’s incapable of conversation.” She responded easily.

“You had to know that before you took off your clothes.” Amber stated.

“I knew. And now, I have to go out with him for lunch.” She hung her head.

“There’s nothing wrong with a one night stand. We’ve all done it.” She shrugged.

“That’s all you ever do. I don’t want to be that kind of girl.” Sarah explained.

“Just cancel. Tell him you had a great time but your life is crazy right now. Say something about seeing him around, it’s less harsh.” Amber gave her some advice before commenting, “And what kind of girl are you talking about? The ‘confident and chill’ kind.”

“Confident and chill, yes. Bitter and cynical, also yes.” She shook her head. “Maybe you’re right. I don’t want to string him along…”

“That’s how I do it. No strings. No bonding. No one gets hurt.” She sipped from her mug.

“I know. You’re right. Look, I have to get going but I’ll see you at the office tomorrow.” She downed her coffee.

“Just don’t be late! I can’t keep covering for you!” She called out as her friend exited.

Her only response was a chuckle as she stepped outside. Amber went to her bedroom to unpack boxes. She couldn’t help but think over her life at that time. Sarah was a good confidant; Amber knew she could trust her when she first met her. She had a good heart but she was naïve.

She always went on dates looking for love and she usually fell into bed with them. Sarah liked to think that sex was the best way to test for long term chemistry. Though, she had yet to date anyone seriously since Amber had known her.

Amber kept trying to tell her that ‘love is a myth’ but she never believed her. Not really. Which was alright with Amber, she would never have wanted her friend to learn the same lessons she had.