Pieces Of Me - unwanted opinions

Start writing here…Oh, the age-old question, ‘what is love?’ Honestly, I don’t think anyone knows. I believe love means different things to different people. Personally, love to me means accepting me even though I can be unhinged, challenging, difficult, and impatient. I also believe you have to choose to love. It’s easy to be attracted to someone or get used to their company but choosing to show another person love the way they need it shows true commitment. That is not to say is easy.

Through our formative years, we are led to believe in the fairy-tale of romance (I blame Disney movies) but in reality, love kinda sucks sometimes. It can be maddening and frustrating, restrictive and forceful but if you can ride out these times it can be the most comforting and giving part of your life.

Let’s start at the beginning: dating. Actively trying to find a love interest can seem like an endless pursuit. You have to navigate your way through a sea of fuckboys and creeps just to find someone to tick two of your ten boxes. And that’s if you don’t get catfished or a victim of an internet scam.

Let’s say you find someone semi-decent looking but their personality is so dry OR someone with an A+ personality but you don’t want to sit on their face, what do you do? Well, I can tell you what I did, I fucked them… both. Yes, I know, poor form but when you are faced with scrapings of the barrel performance has to be rated. Obviously, this was extremely unhealthy and I don’t advise it but you gotta work with what you got.

(con’t) Little did I know, as much as I branded that ‘a quest for love’ what I was really doing was waiting for a partner to come and sweep me off my feet in the whirlwind way they do in the movies, and then I can live happily ever after. You say potato, I say po-massive-fucking-lie!

Relationships take some fucking work ladies, on both sides. Fast forward six years, one child and an abusive relationship later I found my husband and it was definitely not romantic. In fact, at that time of my life, I was not looking for anybody and was really focused on doing my best. Honestly, I just wanted to ride his ginger-pubed disco stick and be done.

I was visiting family in the U.S and he worked at a local convenience store where I bought my daily Italian soda. He was tall with African-sunset-coloured hair and polite! What a treat! I just had to sample an American man before I went back to grey and depressing England. And here we are eleven years down the road and although we fight, get petty, and snipe we both still make the decision every day to choose each other.

The point I’m trying to make here is I’ve got major baggage and had resigned myself to not being lovable but it happened unexpectedly and if I can find someone stupid enough to put up with my crazy arse you can too. It will come, it will sweep you up, it will fucking suck at times and you will question your taste but there is no other feeling in this world that can come close to giving everything you are to someone and having them choose you every day in return.