Broken
“I’m sorry Ash, I don’t think that I can do long distance. You will be here while I am 3,000 miles away.” I told Ash as we were sitting under the stars on my front porch. I can’t handle what would happen if something were to go wrong. I have no idea what new adventures I would be getting into. There have been so many stories that I have heard where the person that was at college got drunk and cheated. I am not that kind of person but I had no idea where college was going to take me. I don’t want to drag Ash into the mess and break his heart.
“Xorina, please don’t do this. I love you. I can’t live without you in my life. I can’t live without your ocean blue eyes, and your fiery red hair. I need to feel your body next to mine while we cuddle. I want to bend over while you stand on your toes to kiss. I will miss your red plump lips. But I can’t live without your fiery personality. Your passion for helping others and how much you love me. I need you in my life. Please don’t do this.” I could see the tears welling up in his chocolate eyes. I could see the tears glistening from the street lights. I used to be able to look into those eyes for hours, but right now all I could do was turn away so that I could do what I had to do.
“I’m sorry. But I can’t do this. Please let me go.” I felt my throat swelling, I can feel my eyes getting full. I love you. But I could not tell him that, if I did I know he would not let me go.
He grabs my face and says “Look at me. Tell me that this is what you want and convince me, if you do, I will let you go.”
It took everything in me to look him in the eyes, “I don’t love you anymore. You need to let me go. If you love me like you say you do, then let me go.”
“After all we have been through you are just going to throw this all away. It took us years to get to a place where we could actually be together. Now that we have been going strong you are throwing it all away.” He let go of my face and looked away from me, “Goodbye Xo.”
He turns to walk to his car, I watch as his tall figure walks away from me. Once he was inside he speeds off in the direction of his home. I sit on the porch of my house and watch as his car drives away from me forever. I feel my heart breaking into pieces. I just told the love of my life goodbye forever. After I realize that his car was not going to turn around and come back to me, I walk back inside. I went straight to my room and cry myself to sleep. I will never be able to run my fingers through his blond curly hair, never be able to melt at the way he calls me Xo. Never be able to look into his chocolate eyes, never be able to taste his lips again.
*************************************************************The next morning I could hardly open my eyes because my tears have glued my eyelids closed. I run to my shower so that I could relax and unstick my eyes. I hope my shower will help hide the evidence that I cried all night long. I hardly got any sleep because of how much pain I was in. Once out of the shower I wrap myself in my warm fuzzy towel and walk to my closet. I pull out a pair of sweats and a baggy T-shirt. Today I am just going to laze around so that I can rest before I leave for college in a few days. After putting my clothes on I go into my bathroom to fix my hair. I put my curly red hair into a ponytail. I look at myself in my closet door mirror. I look like a shell of a person. My eyes no longer held life, my cheeks were red from all the tears that have fallen. While I am eating tubs of ice-cream and binge watching Nicholas Sparks movies I don’t want my hair in my face. I made a nest on my bed with multiple pillows and fuzzy blankets and wrapped myself in the fresh laundry smell. I turn on the TV and decided that the first movie I wanted to watch was Dear John. When it got to the part where John and Savannah meet my phone was buzzing and would not stop. I picked up the phone to see my best friend, Aria, calling.
“Hello?” I answer.
“What is going on?” She inquires.
“Nothing.”
“So you’ve decided that you don’t wanna answer my texts?”
“Sorry I have not looked at my phone all morning.”
" Okay, now I really know something is up. You’re always on your phone texting Ash.”
“We aren’t talking right now” I answer which is not a complete lie.
“Why not?”
“Why so nosey?”
“Because we are best friends and we always tell each other everything and I feel like there is something that you’re not telling me.”
“I don’t really wanna talk about it.”
“I’m on my way over”
“No! That’s okay I kinda wanna be by myself today.”
“That’s not happening! Sorry! See you soon” Beep Beep Beep.
Just great, she hung up on me! Guess there goes my day alone watching sad romance movies and bawling my eyes out. Aria lives just around the corner so it does not take long for her to come barging into my room slamming my door against the wall.
“Why are you in bed watching sad romance movies?!” She yells. “Your mom says she hasn’t even seen you this morning.”
“Yesterday was not a very good day, Aria.”
“Why not? Do I have to go find Ash and kick his ass again?” I could not help but let a little smile go at that comment. Ash and I have not always been the best couple and there many times Aria wanted to go kick his ass. Which is a funny image. Ash is a big football player that is 6 feet 2 inches and has a lot of muscle. While Aria stands at 5 feet 3 inches with twigs for arms. “Why is that so funny?”
“You kick Ash’s ass again? Ha yeah right!”
“I can do it and you know it!” She says as she holds her arms up like she is trying to show how strong she is. She is definitely not the strongest person in the world. Aria is so beautiful. She has long blond hair that reaches mid back. It is not curly or straight, but it has beautiful waves. She has beautiful blue eyes that many boys get lost in when they are near her.
“Okay whatever Aria” I laugh.
“We are off topic. What happened? I can tell by looking into your eyes that something is wrong.”
“We broke up last night.”
“Why?”
“You know I am terrified of long distance and I leave in 2 days.”
“That is understandable.”
“I kinda wish you would say that I was making a mistake and that we should try anyway.”
“I’m not going to tell you that. You know what’s best for you. It’s time to trust your decisions. Plus, you know I’m not Ash’s biggest fan.”
" I know but all that bullshit happened in the past.” I emphasize the word past because that all happened years ago.
“I know but you can’t forget that he asked out one of your friends a few years ago right when he told you that he could not date because of school and football.”
“He apologized for that.”
“He may have done that, but after that there were many times you guys would fight about stupid things and then he would spread rumors about you.”
“We were in high school.” Everyone knows what high schoolers are like! They are not always the smartest. Especially some of the boys.
“STOP! You’re just making excuses for him. He never wanted to meet your family, he never told anyone about you and when you would not text him back fast enough he would blow up your phone. When we went camping with Zeke and James he freaked out. Even though he knew James is your cousin and Zeke is gay. He is very controlling. It was not healthy.” She lectures.
“He wasn’t that bad when it was just us together.”
“Because he got his way. He had you all to himself.”
She wasn’t wrong. When we were in high school he would follow me but would not talk to me except while we were texting. My cousin threatened him and then he stopped but then the next year we decided we wanted to talk again. My friend hooked us up again and then he told me it couldn’t work out because he had to focus. I said some mean things that night and then the next day he asked my best friend, at the time, to homecoming. They ended up dating for 2 months. Until she cheated on him, and she found out he was trying to piss me off. When he would eat lunch with us he never said anything, just watched me. Another year later he got ahold of me and apologized for everything and then we became friends. That soon turned into flirting. We ended up getting into a big fight and we stopped talking. For the next year he would watch me in the halls. He was dating this girl and when he would see me he would pull her close. At the time, I did not care, he hurt me many times so I ignored him. After we graduated he got ahold of me and apologized again. He wanted to try and make a relationship work. I agreed and we have spent the last few months together. He made me fall for him all over again.
“I know, I just love him and I am broken right now.”
“What do you need from me?”
“Can we just have a girls day? I leave in 2 days and I feel like I haven’t seen you all summer.”
“Of course we can.” She went into my closet and got some of her comfy clothes that she leaves at my house. All day we watch sad romance movies, I cry and release all the tension in my eyes. We eat a bunch of junk food and just enjoy each other’s company for the rest of the day.
