In the following
Was this suppose to be the end?
Every second seemed to fly by as in a dream. An illusion.
The way I would walk right beside him to the times I even smiled being with him.
That meant the world to me because I smiled being with him.
All the fights we had, to the times I ran away, he seemed to always have the right words at the right time.
But.
Was this how I wanted to say goodbye?
Was this how I wanted to thank him?
Was this what I had to do?
No, it wasn’t... I’m sure of it.
That’s not what the old me would’ve wanted.
If she knew what would’ve happened would she do it differently?
Would’ve she avoided all the wrong decisions?
Would’ve she not fallen for him?
Would’ve we never known each other in the first place?
As time grew closer I made a couple of changes.
I changed my hair I changed my name I packed my things and I was ready for a new life.
In the history of my whole life, I’ve only gone out with one person. Everything I knew about this person was a lie. I have never seen him in person once, and I had to come to the conclusion that he was a catfish.
He was created by a so-called “friend” of mine. I still consider her as a friend of mine, but she just lost my trust in her. I was a little bit shocked, but I knew it was too good to be true. How could someone have feelings for each other if they’ve never seen each other in the first place?
I think that was the reason why I started having feelings for him.
If only the old me knew what to do. I never would’ve made his life so miserable, because of my own fears, scared of having to say goodbye...
But now he didn’t even look at me, I ended up doing exactly what I wanted to avoid in the first place. Because of my stupidity, I wasn’t able to tell him what I meant most of the time.
Because of my wishful thinking, I ended up worrying about everything that I had no control over, the way I should’ve acted, the things I should’ve answered honestly.
I should’ve just said what I thought instead of making him grow frustrated with my actions and my feelings.
I knew I said it was going to end badly,
I just would’ve never imagined this to be our end,
my end.
