Needs Work

"To be honest, I had a really hard time following the plot. It all moves so quickly with very little rhyme or reason that I didn't know what was going on or why at any point. I think 1) you started the book off in the middle of the climax when you should start in exposition to give us an idea of who our MC is and what her situation is rather than in the middle of some kind of chase scene having her think "oh I live with these people in this neighborhood" since it seems out of place there and 2) you had a LOT happen in the first chapter. It'd probably suit you better to divide these events into chunks and put them each in their own chapter and then add a lot more detail to each event. For example: one chapter describing the weird phone calls happening for maybe days prior, second chapter being where she hears voices and freaks out, disconnecting the phone etc etc - And again, there needs to be a better build up because there isn't much suspense if everything happens right away and you can't really follow what's going on. There are a few grammatical errors, but nothing too intense. I think the style needs some work. There's a lot of telling instead of showing, and sometimes you use large vocab words that don't really make sense in the context - it just seems like you grabbed a thesaurus to find a bigger word to describe a thing when the simpler version would actually make more sense - this is especially salient of the dialogue since, generally, especially when scared, people speak fairly simply. The most potent example of this is her saying "My boyfriend is imminent" - change that to "my boyfriend will be here soon!" Overall, I think the plot could be good if drawn out a bit more so it's slowed down and we can really figure out what's going on. Hope this helps and keep it up!"