Precious obsession.

Nova:

———

The word destruction has a lot of things to it, and a lot of meanings. But it always comes back to one single word.

Irreparable.

Once something comes into your life and gets destroyed there is no way you can replace it.

You can't repair the damage that has been done to you. No matter how bad it is.

I shut off my alarm and rolled to my other side, pulling the sheets over my head.

I got no sleep last night, not even because today is the first day of school. I mean, I haven't gotten a decent sleep since... Since Atlas died.

My eyes shot open and I gritted my teeth.

"You have no idea how happy you make me, Atlas," I say against the railing of the bridge.

"You are the only reason I'll ever take a step into Roseburg, my little rockstar." He said caressing my freshly pink strand of hair.

We dyed our hair pink yesterday, well only a strand.

"You are my rock," I say.

He smiles, showing me his dimples and white teeth. "And you are my star."

We brought our pinkies together.

"Rockstar."

I shut my eyes quickly. Fuck! I don't want to cry, not this morning, I cried yesterday and that should be enough.

Maybe I'm just getting used to the idea of knowing that Atlas is not starting this school year with me.

I wiped a tear away and take out the small portrait my friend Jules gave me.

"I miss you so much, my rockstar," I mumbled and kissed the picture. This has been my savior many times, I guess it has to be now.

"Nova! Nova get up now or you will be late for your first day of school," My mom yelled from downstairs. "Nova!"

I rolled my eyes and removed the sheets. "Coming!" I yelled.

Standing up I grab my freshly washed uniform. Green necktie, green pleated skirt. A white button-down shirt and a gray blazer. The socks are black with a green line around the top.

I'm entering a new school, this is a private one. Mom thinks I should go into a new environment considering everything I went through last year.

I put the uniform on, cropping the skirt a little and wearing tights instead of the high knee socks.

You are meant to stand out, rockstar.

I don't give a shit about the rules this school has, because that's what it is. It's a goddamn school, it doesn't matter if it's private or not. It wouldn't even matter if the own president's daughter went there.

And if I get kicked out then so fucking be it.

I grabbed my hairbrush and start going through my hair. My left side, which is where my white strand of hair is, it's much more difficult to brush. It's so tangled.

But on my right, where my pink strand of hair is, it's fine.

My hair is naturally brown, a little lighter than usual brown would be but it's brown. When I was dating Atlas he and I dyed our hair black, his looked incredible.

Eventually, the color started to drift off and I decided to not dye it again.

We did different colors though until we finally settled on two: White and Pink.

White; Pure and Clean. Pink; Kindness and femininity.

I fell for Atlas because he wasn't like a regular guy, he never took me to the movies or took me on a regular date. He didn't write poems or sang me songs.

He would take me fishing, and read to me while we stargazed at a starless night.

We listened to music together, we ate together and we slept together.

He didn't dress like those other guys. Many people thought he was gay but he showed me a different side of him I loved and very much assure me he was not gay.

He would break the dress code at our old school. He even wore a crop top once because I got in trouble for it. He wanted to make sure that our rights were the same.

He did so much for me and I did so little for him.

I brought the long strand of pink hair to my face and I sniffed it. I wish I was with him one last time.

"Nova, are you ready-" My mom entered the room and sighed. "Please take some of that makeup off, give a good impression on your first day."

I looked back at the mirror. Black eyeliner around my eyes, it almost looked smeared. My long lashes are covered in mascara.

My freckles were the only natural thing about my face at this moment.

I wanted to add purple lipstick but stuck with gloss.

"Let's go," I say grabbing Atlas's old school bag with all my necessities now.

Mom grabbed a hold of my wrist and placed me inside my room again, "Not until you take off that makeup,"

"Mom," I say in an annoyed voice. "You know damn well that once I get to school I'll put it on, so either I arrive at school late or you'll let me go."

She looked at me with sad blue eyes, almost identical to my own. She realized she was lost, letting a loud sigh she dropped my wrist.

"Why do you keep dressing up like you are a part of a grunge band? I thought that when-"

"Atlas never changed me, mom. I did. And I'm proud of it. Now let's go." I cut her off and walk downstairs.

I got into the car and a few minutes later she did too.

I fell in love at fifteen and my rockstar died when I was sixteen. God is so unfair sometimes, but I'm thankful for the time he allowed me to be with him.

Atlas died a year ago, we went fishing. One of our favorite activities to do together.

We were sitting on the dock, in our favorite forest. We had just finished having... sex.

And we started catching fish.

The next thing that happened was a blur. He tried to get a big fish he was sure he got. Atlas kissed my stomach before he jumped into the water.

I was laughing and swinging my feet, I was naked, with no panties or bra. Just naked. I was comfortable because I was sure nobody else knew about the place.

So there was no risk whatsoever.

I started counting to forty-five, that was how long Atlas would normally take under the water before coming back to the surface and getting some air.

When he didn't come back up I started calling his name, I never got a response. So I jumped in. I opened my eyes to see underwater but nothing was around.

I think it was until five minutes later that I climbed back on the dock and began looking for Atlas cellphone.

I called 911 and gave them the location. Considering that nobody else knew about the place.

I had put my clothes back on, by that I only slid into Atlas T-shirt that reached to my knees, and my underwear.

I was crying and sobbing and yelling, the cops and ambulances arrived and they began a search, they called my mom, and by the time she had arrived.

They found his body.

One of the paramedics said that he died strangled by seaweed. They think that his feet might've been entangled with seaweed, making it difficult for him to swim probably.

And that as he tried to swim back up, he chugged water and got himself tangled around the rest. Eventually, he drowned.

When they pulled him out, his naked body was full of bruises from the recent things we had just done and his neck and feet were red.

I couldn't stop crying. I kept hugging his naked body as my mom attempted to take me away from him to comfort me.

As much as mom didn't like Atlas, she wouldn't have wished for him to die.

"No, no, no! Rockstar!"

I shook my head.

"Here, behave okay?" I snapped my head towards her and nodded.

I get down from the car and start making my way to the entrance. This is a private school, which has grades eight to twelve. So everyone that is staring at me weirdly is probably confused as to why I'm here.

Probably wondering if I'm new.

I rolled my eyes at the girls who were giving me dirty looks. I don't care how bad or good I look. I'm here for one reason and one reason only.

I make my way inside and pulled my headphones to my ears. I went into my first class and took a seat at the back.

Help me get through this day, Rockstar.