Death is near

came into this world happy and I will leave this world scared and drowsy . I should explain I’m Jae I’m a transgender boy, but nobody understands me it’s always “it’s just a phase” or “you are what is in your pants”

It’s all started as with me and my cat, calico she is my one of my only enjoyments in life. I found her on the street the night I got kicked out no money and just a 15 year old boy.

The night

It was a cold dusty evening I had this stupid idea that my parents would understand but I was wrong. I headed downstairs sweating tons and shaking and if it was below freezing the silence grew louder as I stood there “hey... I have something to tell you” i stuttered “cut to the chase Jessica” my dad shouted as he gave me the deadliest stare of all time. “Well...I’m transgender I would now like to be informed by Jae and be classed as a boy” my confidence grew like a plant growing to only be knocked down when my dad said “pathetic..you are a girl Jessica and you will always be a girl and you can’t changed that” my dad snarled “i’m not pathetic I’m a boy and I can change!” I shouted out in worriment “if your going to keep that nonsense up you can get out of this house you little bit-“ I had left by then. I rushed into my room grab my bag and stuffed it full of my clothes and out of the door I went.

By now it was raining completely poring it down.I found an alley that looked abounded set up my blanket and fell into a deep sleep dreaming about how stupid I was to come out. In all my thoughts I hadn’t even realised the small fragile fur ball crawl up next to me. I woke up with the sun as my alarm and panicked to see this orange and black white fluff next to me. Out of curiosity I pocked it slowly the black button eyes turn around and did a small fragile meow as it crawled closer to me as all my anxiety drained out as it Purred. From now on I knew she was my love.

Chapter 2-was it getting better?

I packed away and picked up my ball of fluff and headed towards a kind lady holding posters of a hostel that kept the kicked out community. My life may get better I thought as I walked up to her “hello sir how may I help you? are you looking for a poster” she said as she gave me one “yes ma’am I just got kicked out for being trans and have no supportive relatives. But one question do you allow pets” I said in pleasure “yes sir as long as you stay away from the family room so no allergies are shown you will be fine to bring your pet”.

I arrived. Grabbed my key for my room and headed up 105 my house for now. I unpacked and carefully placed my cat down by now I ought to of named it by now the obly question was what? I researched a bit and found out she was a calico cat. Calico wounded around my head till I just decided to call her calico.

Chapter 3-difficult

1 year later

Life had gotten worse even though I had care and a little fur ball my depression got worse and over thinking didn’t help. Many thoughts twisted in my head. I curled up in a corner and placed my head between my knees “I need help. I need therapy” I muttered the next day I went to the counselling room by now I was popular so they were fond to help me “so tell me-“ we spoke for about an hour till my session was over. Even though I had gotten help I need education I can’t live in this place for the rest of my life I needed a job and a house so of to school I was heading.

The first school has terrible my anxiety grew larger around the corridors. Till I bumped into this super kind Trixic. we became closer along the term till they finally asked me out, me and her were perfect together. I thought life was getting better I had an enfriend and calico. Since I spent to much time with Lizzie(my enfriend) I found it really hard to separate with her but the most horrible thing happened. I headed to school like I usually do but to my panic I realised Lizzie wasn’t there I called her and they picked up and said she was of. But by the time I decided to go home I was already being rushed in by Mrs Ingrid. Walking around the corridors felt like I was drowning as if there was a heavy blanket on top of me all day. I got home and had my biggest panic attack of all time.

Chapter 4-the accident

2 years later

Ever since I left school me and Lizzie love to travel this was our first boat ride. We had just travelled to Ibiza for the summer and saw an advertisement for a boat ride on the Lilly fit (the boat). That day we put on our shorts and swimming costumes and headed towards the dock aboard the ship we went and we set of. It was the best there was drinks, fish and a chance to swim! I wasn’t keen on swimming but I did it to please Lizzie cause I love to keep her happy. We had our drinks and danced till the evening which was the time for the swim fest Lizzie jumped in first and along with the friends we made on the boat I gradually got in till I was bobbing around in the clear turquoise sea. It had been an hour since we first got in and It was getting windy Lizzie told me to get out but I didn’t I was having fun to much fun I wish I got out I should of listened but I don’t thats when my foot got trapped it dragged me under the water I was stuck making it impossible to paddle up to safety I frantically try to kick my feet around to try unstick my foot with the help of Lizzie and the crew but it was to late I was drifting out of consciousness till it went black my life flashed beneath my eyes i tried to hold onto my left even though I was ideas I could feel the pain everybody would feel if they lost me..I later died in hospital that night they declared me dead at

1:00 am 12.8.19

Chapter 5-What happened to calico?

Calico didn’t understand human life she just caught on that I was gone. Lizzie took care of her just like I would It seemed she was sad even though we can’t talk to animals we can read them.

Pronouns

Lizzie:they/her

Jae:he/them

Calico:she/her