PROLOGUE
Am on the balcony, the temperature ever so perfect, not too cold, not too hot. The sky clear and cloudless the way it usually is. I sigh out loud wishing my mind was as clear as the sky I had been staring at.
"What are you doing out here alone?" I jumped at the English tone that belonged to a voice I was now well accustomed to.
"You scared me!" I said as I tried to calm my racing heart. Which seemed to increase when a knowing smile had spread across his lips.
"You're avoiding my question. What're you doing out here alone?" I ignored him turning my back to him and continuing on to sky gazing. He stayed silent as he came to stand beside me.
"It was a little noisy inside so I decided to get some air." I said still staring at the moonless sky.
"I guess it was quite noisy, so I can attest to that." I turned to face him, my lips giving way to a smile. And without another thought I took his hand in mine. The tension in the air expanded in an instant and my pulse began to highten once more. I didn't know long we stared at each other for, seconds, minutes, hours... I couldn't say for sure but I couldn't find it within me to look away.
"Don't do that love." He said sounding shuttered. And my chest ached knowing that I was the cause of his pain.
"Why not? Am I not allowed to touch my friend anymore? To seek comfort in their small reassuring touches." I told him determined to prove my point.
"Of course you are..." He said but he steadily pulled away. "Just not with me" Tears began to fall from my eyes.
"Why not?" The hurt in my voice audible to his ears as well as mine.
"Because...when you touch me. When you stare at me like that. It gives me hope love. Hope of there being a you and me, hope that you might feel for me as I do for you, hope that maybe in some way we can be together and that's not fair love. Not to me, not to you, and definitely not to the man you've given your heart to." The warm tears seemed to be coming in waves.
"But..." I tried to speak but he kept cutting me off.
"We both know that you didn't even give two shits about me when Frost was around. Bloody hell! You didn't even know existed and now you've entered my fucking life and I can't help loving you , even when I know you'll never love me back." I shook my head as I clutched my mouth not wanting to let my sobs out.
"Nate...please...let me explain. " That seemed to make everything worse.
"What will you explain exactly Mack? The fact that you used me to make your ex jealous, or that I was simply a destruction for a minimum amount of time. Or maybe that I was about to be the lucky scornful, arrogant arse that broke your Fucking virginity just so you could get pretty-boy out of your own arse and mind," His eyes where shooting daggers at me. "I don't think you can ever explain that and expect me to understand, Mack. And don't you worry...maybe I'll accept me mam's offer and go on back to London, where I belong." And just like that I was left alone again on the balcony. And I had known all this was coming but I had been putting it off. And right now...having everything coming at me at once it kind of sucked. Big time, and as I was left there wallowing in my regret it finally hit me. Why I had been so miserable? Why I had been feeling like things weren't as they where supposed to?
I was lost in a void of pain and all I wanted was to see two of my best friends happy. I tried to bottle up the pain until I discovered that the only way through it all was to fight it. I fought my way out of my untimely horrifying zone, but I couldn't fo it alone Not until I saw the light ahead, small as it wasbut in my heart and soul I knew it was my only salvation and way out of the darkness threatening to encase me.
I knew what I had to do. I had to call Malcom...
