Love after Murder

There are days in life that get branded into your brain for all time. The events that happen on those days can be sad, scary, painful, exciting; you name it. But they all stick with you for a reason.

I can list the the most memorable days of my life on one hand. But I don't exactly know what that says about me.

Day 1. Telling my parents I am pregnant at 15.

Day 2. The Birth of my precious son.

Day 3. The day I married my son's father.

Day 4. The day I walked in on my husband cheating on me.

Day 5. The day I killed someone at my son's soccer game.

The first day is stuck with me because of the fear I felt walking into my parents den while they were watching television. I have never been more terrified. I thought my parents would bury me six feet under for breaking their trust and getting pregnant. I didn't know what I was going to do. Sometimes I think back to that day, and a shiver of fear still runs down my spine.

The second day is stuck with me because it was the best day of my life. The pure joy that I felt when I held my son for the first time can only be described as heavenly. He was absolutely beautiful in my eyes. I was amazed and proud that I had created something so perfect.

The third day was one of excitement. I believed the possibilities for our family were endless. I thought we could conquer the world as a couple. I wholeheartedly believed that my high school sweetheart and I would prove all the naysayers wrong. But it turned out I was wrong, because day four exists in my memory bank. I have never felt pain like that before, and I haven't felt it again since. My ex-husband broke me in those few moments as he climbed off of our business partner's nineteen year old daughter.

Now days one through four all have a place within my mind, and they all torment me in different ways, both good and bad, but Day Five...Day Five takes the cake. Day Five is the only day in my life that I have seen red—the only time I have ever been overcome with the primal urge to protect. My rage was something out of the movies. I was insane with anger. Anger that was justified...and that's why even though I might go to prison...I don't regret Day Five of memorable events that have happened in my life.

Day Five proved I would do anything to protect my son. Day Five proved my love for him knows no bounds. So bring on the juror of my peers. Let them see and hear the evidence against me, but I hope they ask themselves...what would they have done if they had been in my shoes?