Love and Curses

If you feel like letting go

If you think you’ve had too much

- Everybody hurts , R.E.M

They say that love is everything.

That when you love some one more than the oxygen you take , more than the wolf within , more than the measly beating of your lost heart , you will burn up and be reduced to ashes.

Then rise and be the person you have never been before.

That when she walks into your life , the chains trapping down your soul have shattered.

When her soft , smooth brown hair the shade of warm chocolate caresses you when you wake up in the morning , you know you’re home. When her mysteriously alluring dark blue eyes look at you with love , you will hear the roaring of adrenaline flowing strongly and surely through your veins. When her beautiful , pale heart shaped face is tucked snugly in your chest , you’re on cloud nine. When her heart like pale pink lips touch yours as a gentle touch or as a dance of fierce passion , or even just say your name , you know that you won’t ever let her go.

When you hear her laugh , there isn’t a thing you wouldn’t do to hear it again. When her hands touch you , even the tiniest brush , it makes you long for more. When her lithe , slightly muscular, slightly scarred but still beautiful body fits perfectly with yours , like she’s made for you and you’re made just for her , nothing else in the whole wide world matters.

And when she says three words , three words so simple yet said with utter conviction , resolution and truth , “I love you” , well , let’s just say you’ll be ready to lay out your heart at her feet.

I suppose , no , I know all of this is very , very true. Hilariously accurate actually.

What they didn’t mention that love is also pain.

That the same flames that renewed you would slowly become the inescapable choke hold over your heart.

That the loss of the one soul that sets yours ablaze will be the thing that poisons you slowly and painfully.

That when she lays so serene , so silent , so very...limp across your lap , you don’t know what the point of your life is anymore.

That when your brain comprehends that she would never wake up again , that her hair won’t ever blow behind her head when she’s running through the forest , that her eyes won’t ever twinkle with humor again , that her lips won’t ever have the same warmth to them , that she was truly and utterly gone , your pain will know no bounds. It will echo of every single tree , sang by every single bird , known by the sky and the earth and they will mourn her.

When you know you’ll never hear her laugh again , that you’ll never have a Pinterest insult war against her , that her goddess-like grey wolf won’t ever run beside you , that you’ll never hear an “I love you” from her again , that it’s your heart that’s beating instead of hers , your heart in itself would be ashamed of itself for still beating.

That you will hate your very existence.

That was exactly how I felt when I held the love of my life , the light to my eminent darkness , my Ethalia , who lay cold and dead in my arms , her dark blue eyes never to open and shine again , her deathly lips in a smile.

And I....