Chapter 1
I’m sorry I didn’t love you like that. She did it so much better and it matched with the weather the sweet kiss of the wind. With a soft whisper and grin, oh how I wish I loved you like that and cherished every moment. But I didn’t. And I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me for this but I dream of you and wish that I knew why you never let out a cry. Never showed me a tear, trying to hold on for years. If only you’d let me love you like that too afraid to face the fact that she loved you better than I did. Didn’t I do it for you. Always called for you. But you were too focused looking at them. I felt like I was nothing but a thrown out bin. Hoping you’d see me and look at my eyes and feel what you did, but you looked away and kept walking away leaving me to go crazy. Only ever looked at you and stared at your pretty smile that matched the horizon. Your eyes which looked at me with such adoration, made me feel like there was no else but you. Suddenly you changed looking at me with hate what did I do to make you so angry. Was it the time I lied or was it the time I cried over someone else while I was drunk. You know how much they meant to me but you stared blankly and your face twitched with irritation. Truly I didn’t mean to make you mad but why was that so bad? Did you feel guilt because you were also thinking about someone else. You promised you’d only wake up next to me and whenever you saw me you got weak in the knees. But now you don’t even look at me. As if I’m not there and you look in a blank stare. I try to hold your hand but I can’t you won’t let me why is that? I’m sorry for what I did that night and you know that I was in pain and couldn’t bear to live another day. I’m so sorry you had to find me that way. Im sorry that when you held me I was cold. I wanted to warm you up but my heart would beat no more. I could hear your silent cries you choked on tears and I finally felt it, the fear of leaving you behind. If I only I could hold you longer and smile while we have life to ponder you remind me of river water flowing so beautifully crystal clear and so pure. I won’t be mad if you look at someone else I understand why but please just one last time let me hold you longer.
