Consumed By YOU

Sometimes we can not express what we feel for someone in a traditional or conventional way, because what we feel for them is not those typical feelings that we are generally aware of . It’s like an out of the box emotion that comes up out of nowhere and hits us square in the face, in a way changing our entire being. We become so unable to imagine our life before it all happened and secretly, we don’t even want to. This emotion feels different for different people. Here's an attempt to express one such emotion using one of my most favorite ways that is, though a letter.

Dear you,

I find myself so consumed by the thoughts of you, it feels like there is no way out. My mind keeps wandering back to you as if there is no escape, I try everything possible to not think about you, to keep my distance, but you seem to always find your way back. I want it to stop and at the same time not, I try to do something fun, to try and stop my train of thoughts to you but end up wondering what it would be like to try these things out with you, what kind of experience it might be and a part of me knows that we would enjoy them together. I keep going back to what you said, replaying it in my mind again and again, engraving it all in my soul yet worrying that I might forget it all, all those little moments that mean the most, it’s in those little gestures, those little actions and words where the truth of it all lies. You know, I have always loved to read as it somehow had the ability to make me feel the things I thought I would never feel, as I read those pages I always thought that these things don’t happen in real life, that one can not be consumed by the other in such a way, but secretly I always wished to feel like the characters did and thanks to you I have felt these emotions, these feeling and now a book has never felt so real, you made me a believer. When we lock eyes nothing seems to matter except for the fact that I don’t want to look away. This might not exactly be like what the characters feel as they tend to feel love, but what I feel for you isn’t love, it is different from it. It’s less than love and at the same time more than it, something that not many get to experience, something that feels like once in a lifetime and yet like a dream that you might wake up from any time soon. Every time I am home, alone with my thoughts I feel as though all this isn’t real, as though you are just a fragment of my imagination like all those characters I read about in books, but then I see you and it feels as if it’s the most realistic thing in the world. At times it scares me, to think what if we hadn't crossed path and what if in the future we forget each other but then I realize that I am worrying about the past and the future, both of which aren't truly in my control and all I have is the present moment. So I put all these worries aside only to let myself be consumed by you, in this very moment, no matter how short it may be.

Yours Me