JESSIE'S GIRL: THE BOYS ARE BACK ( Jessie's pov)

( Jessie's pov) I was ten years old when I had my first sexual in counter. Every night my father would sneak into my room and tell me we are playing a game like hide and seek only this one he called it " play time" I had no idea what he meant until one night he came in drunk as a skunk and stoned out of his mind my mother standing at my bedroom door . He grabbed my hand and well...I'm sure you can figure out the rest. From then on I thought it was ok and normal, thankfully for me I had Tommy my best friend. Most nights I'd spend at his house as I got older we hangout more then I eventually got a girlfriend in high-school a beautiful girl Emma I had no idea how to be a boyfriend but things were going alright until Tommy and I met Brady on our football team see Brady was rich and had secrets he didn't want anyone too know, like everyone else. One night after inviting us to one his after game parties he must've slipped Tommy and I something into our drinks because before I knew it I was kissing Tommy and woke up next too Brady. Well a week later both Tommy and I explained to him we weren't gay , that the party was great but we weren't into him I apologized to him he accepted it then said " hey man all good I've got something that's going too take the edge off for you come see me after school don't tell anyone " I nodded and agreed considering with all the shit with my dad and kids at at school hating on me I needed it . Whatever he gave me got me sent away for a few years to a private school because I was abusing my girlfriend I even pushed her down a flight of stairs while she was pregnant. Apparently this asshole gave me some sort of hallucinating drug which made me more aggressive. When I got back I was different quiet I decided to join the military instead of college hoping to fix my relationship meanwhile Tommy was always there for Emma every time I acted like an asshole which pissed me off more. Just before I left for Iraq my father Finally got arrested for child abuse , child pornoghraphy. He had apparently been doing this for years too children , my mother never stopped him . If you're wondering what's going on now....I'm married to a girl who lived down the road Tori she ended up in protective custody. So she changed her name I invited Tommy and Emma up to my place for the weekend in eruope in hopes to figure out whether or not I actually had feelings for Tommy, but Emma went into early onset labor and the babies Noah and Avery were born and incubated. Months flew by Emma and Tommy split after she saw us kissing, she told Tommy she needed time . So she came too live with me and tori with the babies....here we are starring at her brother Ethan who we thought was dead and saw get hit by a car the kid was twelve. Emma told me the transport ran him over they couldn't identify his body. " Ethan put Avery down!" I shout at him he glares at me then at Tommy in his wheelchair " what's it like Emma having him like that all the time do you have to pretend to love him?" Ethan asks her angrily Emma screams at him " No Ethan because I never had too pretend anything in my life unlike you , you were always such a spoiled shit and I love you because we are family but it's always about you!" As Ethan held the gun too baby Avery's head I cautiously walked toward him he kept shouting at us how no one cared about him and no one bothered too even search for him over the years. Emma explained " we thought you had died ...we had fucking funeral for you right after I lost mom and dad . They told me the body wasn't recognizable that the transport had completely ran you over. " Ethan dropped too his knees crying Tommy rolled over grabbing Avery from him but unfortunately the gun went off accidentally hitting Emma in the side she fell holding her side tori ran to her helping her ripping a piece of clothing and stopping the bleeding. When the police and ambulance were called they told us that Ethan had escaped from a hospital nearby. The paramedics loaded Emma into the ambulance she luckily she was only scratched by the bullet. Tommy stayed behind to watch the twins while tori and myself went with the officer. Ethan was kept in the hospital upon visitation, the twins Avery and Noah started to grow up. Started asking lots of questions by the time Avery was three she asked very bluntly " who's my daddy ?" The reason for this was because Tommy was now living back in our house and working things out with Emma, I was always around the house because I owned it. It was true I had feelings for Tommy when we were in high-school I never told Emma and sure I'm married to Tori but...she knows how I've always felt about Tommy and I know how Tommy has always felt about Emma. I'd never do anything too ruin their relationship both of them are my best friends. I'm grateful for Emma's friendship I don't deserve it because after I pushed her down the stairs while she was carrying my baby in school I shouldn't have never taken those drugs from Brady. He was jealous and melioucious all I wanted was something to take the edge off because of my father getting arrested for child abuse and child pornoghraphy. Avery and Noah may not be my children, but I swore too Emma before she passed away last month of a brain tumor that I wouldn't let anyone touch her children. Tommy sits up in his room looking out the window crying everyday, Avery and Noah are very smart for three years old. Noah told me " mommy's not in pain anymore uncle Jesse " I cried and held his little hand when he said that. Emma was the love of my life and I fucked up, so at her funeral I made sure everyone knew just how special she was. " Emma wasn't ordinary, she was kind and thoughtful and she was the type of person who saw even the good in people like me. She never gave up on me , not even when she had to bury our unborn child. I was never there for her or anyone else but she was always right there when someone needed them. Her smile lit up a room and her smell of lilac perfume was intoxicating she always wore sunflowers in her hair and was self conscious about eyes, not sure why she had the most beautiful blue eyes. I didn't know what love was until Emma stepped into my life she made me the man I am today and I want too thank her for being my best friend. " that day I realized I'd lost everything that I had the love of my life and I felt like shit guilt sank in so deep I started thinking that ....it should've been me with her walking down that isle and in that delivery room. Instead I was too busy being a selfish ignorant prick! When I couldn't see what was right infront of me this entire time. All this time ...Tommy was trying to tell me how fucking lucky I was to have Emma in my life . What I wouldn't give to spend just one more day with her, too see her smile and hear her laugh touch her soft blonde curls . I'd spend the that one day making our entire life up too her ...doing whatever she wanted going whever she wanted . As I sat there on the edge of the bed sighing Tommy rolled in my room " hey....Jesse....Tori is looking for you " I look at him sighing heavily " uh yeah ...sorry I just needed a minute " I tell him " he nods at me his eyes filled with tears " you know Jesse, it's okay too miss her .....too feel how you're feeling....I mean I won't be upset or anything like that you two had history and I know she was in love with you even while she was married to me, I mean sure she cared about me. Otherwise we wouldn't have two beautiful kids but...not like she loved you Jesse...you were her first love. " he says looking at me I sigh at him not knowing what to say " hey ...Tommy...look man , Emma she loved you you know that ?" I say too him reassuring him he looks at me confused " how do you know that Jesse?" He asks me curiously his eyes red from crying I wipe my tears " because she told me ....right before I got sent away to private school to get help after I pushed down the stairs I went to visit her one day in the hospital she was covered in bruises and a neck brace ....I felt awful I couldn't even look at her. She laid there crying and shouted at me saying " hope you're fucking happy now Jessie our baby is dead because of you!" My heart instantly sank when I herd her say the next phrase. " you've broken my heart so many times still I stayed by you, I was stupid and vulnerable...I wanted someone too love me but what I thought was love was actually a fantasy something that won't ever happen. I care about you Jessie I do...but Tommy he's been around since everything happened with you. I think I'm falling for him Jessie...." she didn't say anything else after that she asked me not too be upset with you or her I explained too her I could never be upset. I wasn't blind Tommy every football game I'd see her flirting with you, I wasn't mad I knew she'd stay loyal too me maybe that's why I started the drugs in the first place I was afraid to lose her too you. Yet on the other hand I was battling with my feelings for you. " Tommy sighed heavily " Jessie why didn't you just talk to me and Emma we would've understood....you know we wouldn't care if you were gay or Bi sexual. " just then I felt my lips press against Tommy's my knees hitting the wheel of his chair as he leaned forward. As I pulled him closer and kissed him more deeply a soft moan escaping his lips my hands finding their way up his shirt. He shook his head at me sighing " I'm not ready yet." He says too me looking away from me I lifted his chin " hey, it's okay take all the time you need. " I wasn't sure but I think Tommy was skeptical about it , the last time we were together was before the twins were born and he was keeping it a secret from Emma the plan was too have her join us eventually Tommy wanted their relationship to be open. My problem was Tori she liked me all to herself and though she wasn't involved with me she still deserved the respect from me. I met up with Tori in the garden Avery and Noah were playing tag. She got up looking at them smiling " stay there a moment okay while I go talk with uncle Jessie " they nodded at her

" Jessie we need to talk...." I look at her confused with a concering look on my face " what's up tori?" I ask her curiously she sighs " Jessie....listen I care about you....alot....but since Emma passed away its like you're living in the past all you think about is her or talk about is your dead child. I mean you have me and my son....and your niece and nephew. Is that not enough? You also have Tommy...he's been your best friend for years I mean Jesus Jessie he was married too her for four years and still isn't acting the way you are. " I sighed and looked at her apolgigecetically " Look , Tori you're absolutely right and I'm sorry. I'm a fucking dick! I know that...but please don't leave me you're all I have left. " I hug her tightly she sighs softly " danm it Jessie....I'm not going anywhere just yet but you're running out of chances." She says poking me hard in the arm. Out of nowhere we hear screaming and the sound of wheels screeching Averys voice is carried threw the crowd I hear Tommy crying as he shouts Noah's name repeatedly we push past the crowd seeing Noah bleeding and breathing heavily a car struck him and didn't see him. I grabbed the guy next too the car he smelled of dope and gin " you piece of fucking shit! You drunk ! He's only three! Look at him! Look at him I said!" I pushed him against the car hard ready to hit him . The guy cried " I'm so sorry I didn't see him he ran right out infront of me " tori got upset " what the fuck were you doing driving drunk and stoned you idiot?!" The cops showed up and moved us aside glaring at him angirly " you! " the cop said asif he knew him then looked at Noah as ambulance showed up " This boy needs blood Stat!" The paramedic said rushing Noah into the ambulance Tommy followed behind. I looked at Tommy " I'll look after Avery go take care of Noah " he nodded at me as they drove away Avery sat there cry I picked her up hugging her tightly " he's going too be alright Avery " I said to her in a comforting tone she shook her head at me " its my fault uncle Jessie! The blanket mommy made me blew onto the road and Noah went to get it for me . When I started too cry ....the car came out of nowhere I didn't even have time to warn him " she buried her face I brought her upstairs too her room and sat on the bed with her although I had been in her room before to help Emma out babysitting I noticed a famaliar box sitting in Avery 's closet it had Emma's initials on it it was her old keep sake box from grade school. I looked at Avery gripping the box " Avery who gave this too you?" I asked her curiously she smiled at me softly " mommy did ....she told me not to tell anyone until the time was right . About who my real daddy was " I glare at her in confusion " Avery sweetheart...we've been through this why do you think Tommy isn't your daddy ?" I ask her with a serious look she sighs opening the box up handing me papers " look !" She says I stare at the date of birth and stare at her crying " Avery is this true...is my daughter alive?" I ask her feeling anxious and scared Avery nods at me " yes mommy begged me not to tell anyone until the time was right she didn't want xena hurt by the bad man." Avery says looking at me I kneel infront of her " Avery sweetheart what bad man?" " mmmmm....mommy called him Brady....but she said he's gone away now. " I look at Avery sighing heavily " Avery did your mommy tell you where xena lives?" Avery nods at me smiling " yes! She brought me there once .....it's just up the road ...." I take her little hand and guide her to my car " show me Avery!" I say too her in a demanding voice as we drive up the road she points out the house it's the big blue farm house with horses. I put the car into park and see a young thirteen year old girl standing there with dirty blonde hair and emerald eyes. Her dimples matching mine ...her curls and face a replica of Emma. Like looking in a mirror. I get out the car and let Avery too the ground gently Avery runs towards her shouting her name " xena!" She turns smiling at Avery " Avery....what are you doing here it's not safe too be here alone did you wander off again? Mom will be mad " she had no idea Emma died poor thing I stood there then...she began to cry and ran up too me hugging me tightly " dad!?" She said crying I hugged her tightly kissing her head " oh sweetheart....yeah its me . Don't cry xena " she looked up at me smiling slightly " I can't believe I finally get to meet you, but where's mom ?" I lowered my head sadly pulling her into a hug " she's gone xena " I cried telling her xena screamed crying " No! Mom no!" She dropped too her knees crying I felt her pain Avery tugged my clothing " not now Avery " I said she tugged harder handing me a tiny piece of paper " for xena" Avery said softly I handed it too xena without saying anything xena began to read it. " To my child , if you're reading this I'm sorry I didn't tell about my illness I just wanted you to be happy. You and your brother and sister are my entire world it's your job too look after them now I'm counting on you xena! There'll come a day when you will meet your father when you do tell him I'm sorry for keeping you from him. I wanted to protect you from what I thought was someone who had no empathy but clearly he was just lost and unloved. Maybe had I let him meet you sooner things would be different. But ...let's not dwell on the past...I've already spoken too my lawyer your father is your primary care giver now. I will always be with you xena love : mom" she broke down crying and hugged me tightly I sighed as she'd handed me the paper as I read it I felt more joy then I had in years. Looking up at the sky I smiled " thank you Emma " I said as a butterfly flew by us Avery smiled pointing " awe mommy!" She shouted I couldn't stop smiling. I could feel her all around us that day it was a new beginning.