Start of the Confession
“Bless me Father, for I have sinned...”
I wondered where should I began my confession--should it be when I married Toni? Or when I fell with one of my students in Philosophy during the summer class in last year?
My name was Junette Mara, a professor in Philosophy 101 at Olimpio University. I have been teaching here since four years after my marriage, and I have been married for ten years now.
“Hi Miss June, would you mind?” Dan, one of my students in Philo101 asked me while motioning the empty seat in front of me.
Before, I got to say anything, he pulled the seat in front of me and settled himself comfortably while looking around the cafeteria. It was the time where students were in their respective classes-- and this summer I was only given three sessions a day-- two in the morning and one in the afternoon where this young man was enrolled.
I glued my eyes at the young man sitting in front of me. I must say that he was gorgeous. His thick, and curly hair was hanging loosely far from his ears. Those were strands of shiny black hair. His eyebrows were quiet thick that matched his long, and dense eyelashes, hiding those pairs of black expressive eyes beneath . His hawk nose was where exactly it has to be --- this young man exuded a strongly opinionated personality engrossed in his own belief and ideas. That nose would tell me that he made goals and perceived no obstacles in their way.
“Miss June, would you like anything to drink?” He broke the awkward silence between us.
It startled me. Yeah, why didn’t I order anything to drink? I have eaten half of my caramel cake and it was already making me crave for a glassful of cold water.
“I’ll get a drink for you.” He impulsively got up from his seat and before I could even protest, he was back with a glassful of cold water. “Thank you.” I managed to say before drinking.
“You’re welcome.” The water was cold, yet I felt like my temperature was rising when his hands held my hand before taking the empty glass.
“Next time, don’t eat without having something to drink with you.” His tone was scolding.
I frowned at him. I couldn’t believe that a student was scolding me for not having something to drink with me before eating a caramel cake. I felt stupid. And, maybe he had read my thoughts, he winked and smiled apologetically.
“I’m sorry, Miss June. I didn’t mean to--” he paused.
“To offend me? No actually you’re right. Thanks for the water, anyway.” I grabbed my Chanel tote bag. My gut was telling me to leave him and spare myself from this quiet, absurd situation. I was about to stand, but his hands clasped mine and stopped me.
“A moment please, Miss June.” His dark eyes were pleading, and I was surprised that it was making me yield.
I looked at him and cleared my throat. I ran a finger to my eyebrow. I didn’t know why all of a sudden I felt nervous under those pleading dark eyes. I must admit, Dan was the most good looking among my students. Those stolen glances thrown at him by his female, and gay classmates never went unnoticed by my observant eyes inside the classroom.
“Yes, Dan?” I recovered my poise and looked at him shortly. I didn’t know why I couldn’t look straight into those expressive dark eyes. It was making my heart jumped.
" Something wrong?” I was thinking that maybe he wanted to tell me something that bothered him in my class.
" You’re really beautiful, Miss June.”
I was looking for a playful tone in his voice but it was plain .
I couldn’t understand yet his praising was making me blush. I was blushing! I couldn’t believe it! I used to join in pageantry in my junior years, and praises about my beauty never made me felt this way. His compliment was making me this uncomfortable.
“Thank you, Dan.” I managed to smile and displayed that professor look in my face.
“That made you look even more beautiful--that look. I love it so much.”
His smile was making me blush more. It was making me tensed.
I managed to look at him straightly, trying to conceal my uneasiness. “How young are you, Dan?” My tone was reminding him of who he was and whom he was talking to.
“Why, does it matter to you, Miss June?” He pushed back the chair and stood.
“I wouldn’t mind getting a glassful of water for you next time.” He winked, and he left the table-- leaving me dumbfounded.
That was unbelievable! A student just talked to me that way-- as if we were of the same age, of the same level! It was repulsive!
Yet, I must admit, I felt more beautiful --- and young - and I was smiling. I remained in the cafeteria, and waited for the time for my last class. I dialed for Toni.
Toni was my husband for ten years now. We married secretly while we were both in our sophomore years in college. We were both young-- and inloved. “I loved you more”, Toni would always tell me this. He would always say that I could never love him more than he does. He would always pamper me with everything-- fashionable and expensive clothes, my jewelries were worth more than my salary of ten years in teaching. I must say that I married a very affluent man. He worked as a stock auditor in a big corporation with stocks in companies abroad. Well, that explained while Toni was always overseas. Toni’s love was so lavish, yet intoxicating.
Loving him was like being caught in a tornado-- controlling, and I was powerless to free myself. Ten years of marriage to him was both a luxury and comfort. But his constant travels made me wonder if he still missed me or was it because he knew that no matter how far he went, I would always be here-- waiting for him.
“These are all for us, Darling.” He would always tell me every time I would complain of his constant absence.
“I want to give you everything you want.” Then, he would start licking the tip of my ear, down to my neck and there--he would linger. The warmth of his mouth in my skin never failed to make me vulnerable and frail. He always knew how to make love to me --- to make me dependent in him.
I ate my lunch late. I usually do this when I have afternoon classes. That afternoon, Dan did not attend my class. His usual seat at the back was empty-- and I couldn’t understand why suddenly, I missed him in my class.
