Chapter 1: Anger
Counted days have now come to an end, I have counted enough but I don't think you will come and I don't wish you'd come either because you are nothing but pain, you caused pain to me. I just hate you, I hate you so much.
My friends always talk about their dad but I always kept quiet and wishing and praying for the day you will come looking for me but I don't think you will ever come for 17years now I've not even set my eyes on you, not even hear your voice, I just wish I never had a father than having a father that abandoned his child alone, everyday, every hour, every minute and every night, I said to the star, please just fulfill my wish to see my father, even if it is just once, please bring back my dad, I miss and wish to see my dad, please you little sister, please listen to me and bring back my father.
Everytime I look at the star, I would always sing:
"little star, little star!
My one dream.. is to be where you are
The people they laugh at me
Why can't they let me be
One day I rode a sea
Lying on that I rode
Last night, my little star
Smile at me from afar
Looking down from above
Shining star, filled with love
The light it came so fast
And the night it came to past
Even star they fled away
But my little friend, please stay
Little star, little star!
My one dream, is to be where you are"
I would always sing to the star to please stay, even if my dad left me little star please stay, my little friend please star because I consider him not only my father but also my friend, if only I have you as my friend but now you're not and never my friend.
If I did not find out the truth, it would have been better. Ever since I was a child I was made to believe that my step dad was my Dad until when mum and my step dad fought, he said he's taking my sister along with him, I cried a lot that he should not leave me alone and that was when mum told me that he is not my biological father. I was devastated, I cried so much because I can't bear losing a father who treat me like a princess even when he knows I'm not his daughter, he takes me out shopping, he buys a lot of slipppers for me to choose the one of my choice,he always check on me to make sure I'm properly well dress. he make sure that I don't lack anything in this life. what a father!
How can I stand losing a father like him. I was heart broken, I cried a lot that night. Even when he is aware that I know the truth about my father, we still always meet during resumption period. I told him I need bag, he took me to the market to choose the bag of my choice but there was something I noticed as time moves on, he started limiting his father role towards me, the one that treat me like a princess is no longer treating me like one because of you.
You're nothing but a pest in my life, I was told that I'm the one that will take care of you but I guess the one that said so was wrong because if was to take care of you, I will make you suffer the pain you inflicted on me. it's unbearable.
It hurt to think that I don't have a father. I have a father like I don't have because he doesn't care whether i exist or not. everytime I remember, I always cry and i would await the day I will set my eyes on you. that day I will sing:
"I bless the day I found you
I want to stay around you
And so I beg you,
Let it be me.
Don't take this day away from me
If you must clean to someone.
And so I beg you,
Let it be me.
Each time I think of you
I pass complete love
Without your sweet love
Where would I be
So never leave me lonely
Tell me you love me only
And that you always,
Let it be me"
But i was wrong, I can never receive your love because now I hate you so much, I don't wish to see you. not now, not ever, remembering and thinking of you cause pain and heart break to me, I wonder what will happen to me if I set my eyes on you.
The day I was hoping I will set my eyes on you, that was doing the yam festival on September 1st 2016, I was excited when mum told me we were traveling to Ogoja. like seriously I could not express my joy, I was joyous.
