Chapter 1: Im Watching You
I wake up dizzy, “damn what happened,” I say while holding my head. I look at my watch and notice it’s 12:30 pm. “My curfew is at 10!” I shout. “bye Alex!” I say quickly grabbing my coat. “leaving so soon” says a voice I don’t recognize. I turn my head to notice a guy sitting on the couch beside where I was sleeping. He was tall around 6 foot, and had slick black hair and blue eyes. “uh yeah I have to get home” I say nervously. “makes sense, bye jasper” he says with a smile. “yea uh bye” I walk outside. “how did he know my name” I say in curiosity and I start walking home.
After 10 minutes of walking, I start to hear sounds in the trees behind me. At first, I didn’t mind it until it started getting closer. I started to sprint and I notice the sound started to sprint too. I run out of the woods and lock my doors. I take a sigh of relief and look out the window, “I don’t think it followed me” I say relieved, and close my curtains.
The next morning, I start walking to school when in the corner of my eye I notice the guy from the party behind a pole behind me. I act like I didn’t notice and kept walking, when I got to school I met up with Alex. “hey Alex” I say. “hey jasper, have you met the new student Jacob Lee?” she says. “no I haven-” my eyes widen when the guy from the party comes up. “hey I’m Jacob, and I remember you my little jasper”, He says. I push past him in disgust. he smirks as if I’m the one he’s been looking for his whole life, college could not get much worse.. can it?
"Damn. What happened?" I croak, my mouth feeling like I licked sandpaper. The room blurs and spins. I lift my wrist to look at my watch, it reads 12:30 p.m.
Just a few examples of how I might tackle these sentences. I think you're off to a good start.
Hmm. First chapter is very short, and not formatted properly to be honest. The dialogue needs to be separated from other paragraphs. Example, "damn what happened," should be its own little paragraph along with the holding his head. Also as with any sentence capitalize the beginning of the quotes. Got something started here but it seems much too short. I know Inkit says keep chapters short (though I ignored that one personally since I want to post my full chapters), but this seems even shorter, not even a 1000 words. So it feels more like a little prologue.