Unnoticed

Chapter 1: Unseen

It’s the best relief. Oh the sweet relief. Something most dread. But I long for it. To just slip away. Leave all my problems behind. I don’t fear it but rather praise it. It’s not the greatest loss it’s what we lose inside us waiting for it. Gone, they say it’s the saddest word but really it brings great relief to my trapped soul. Pain is just a feeling before the relief when your gone. It doesn’t take away the meaning of life, it gives life real meaning. You can’t live till you except it, till you mourn it. Gone, just like that In just a blink of an eye they say. Oh how I wish. To be gone of my debts. I musin’t go by force but by the hands of nature. Oh to be gone from this god forsaken universe. To be high up in the sky far from society’s deadly grip. To be free, to swing on the rings of planets for none to see. But a last I must wait. Oh how I wish to be gone. It’s not the opposite of life but the very meaning of life. It’s quite funny I feel more dead now, alive and forgotten and more alive when dead and remembered. I have all the burns but yet I’m not dead. All these cuts but no blood. I keep cutting just to feel something. But how am I to know that I am human if I can’t even do the simplest human thing. How am I to know I am not what they call me, monster they say. I keep falling but I’m caught. It’s funny you don’t want to feel pain until you can’t feel it anymore, no matter what you do. Oh how I long to be gone. For being gone is the gift most sane people overlook. The gift I will never be so fortunate to receive. Thanks to him. Stuck in this prison makes me cry endlessly. But yet no matter how loud I scream in agony no one hears us. Or they hear but turn away at the sight of my tears. I cry so hard sometimes nothing comes out. I watched endlessly as the outside world moved on while yet my clock won’t tick. I had been transferred from orphanage to orphanage. I usually act out to get transferred. I could not stay in one place too long or people would start to notice that my skin has stayed fair while theirs wrinkled and decayed. I stay at Danver orphanage. I watch as they come and go like shoppers on Christmas Eve looking for that one toy that would just satisfy their undyingly needs. But for me I was that one unwanted toy no one seemed to care about, or even notice. Do you know what it’s like to be unwanted your whole life? To never be good enough for anyone’s love? I have changed my personality to fit others needs so many times that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I want to be loved so bad I would do anything! Other children take the little things for granted. A warm house, hot food, even something as small as running water or a toothbrush you don’t have to share with anyone. I would be happy with a small house and a big family who just loves and genuinely cares for me. Most pretend not to notice my side. They stay away from my side as if just one small glimpse would condemn them to an unwanted disease. Or were they perhaps afraid to lose their souls to the devil himself as I did? There are some people every now and then who are curious enough to stare at me through the glass. They examine the other more “normal looking kids” up and down. Noticing there unwanted features. The littlest cuts. The dirt under their nails, the tangles in their hair. The normal ones do pretty good at hiding their unwanted features. But the one thing they can’t hide is the pain and agony in their eyes. Then they pick. I was too old to be wanted. I longed for love for which I would never receive. For I was the unfortunate one to be born in the era of “The Timeless”. This era cursed me. When my mom delila was pregnant with me, our country was in war with Genosha, and we were losing and in dire need of soldiers. Because our country was in danger of extinction. Their soldiers raided our towns killing anyone and anything in their path. But they didn’t just kill their victims. They raped and tortured them first. They would laugh the hardest when they would swing the babies by their ankles and would bet on how many times it would take for the babies heads to crack open on the bare concrete, like freshly picked melons, splattering everywhere just for their inhumane amusement. That may not have even been the worst of it all. They would cut off the men’s genitals and feed it to their spouses and rape them in front of their children, before buritally murdering them. So what the president did may have been justified. He issued that all women who are pregnant must be injected with this serum. The surm doubles the adult cells to make you age fast. While I and many others were being delivered into this god forsaken universe our infant cells were immediately being attacked by artificial insemination of adult cells. Me along with 100 others where their prototypes. When we were born we all aged fast as planned. The injections appeared to be working. But while the country was rejoicing in the hope of being able to win the war, they noticed once we hit 13 we stopped ageing. It has been 30 years and we haven't aged since. They couldn't very well send a bunch of 13 year olds off to war. So they did exactly what scientist do when they fail, they tried again. And got rid of any evidence of failed of their experiment. My mother heard of this news and helped spread the word. Me along with the others were given contacts. We were given contacts because 20 years ago the holocaust was brought to reality and all who remaind had cristal blue eyes. So we were given contacts that way when our eyes turned black others couldn't tell. And since then ive been forced to move from orphanage to orphanage hoping to find my forever home. We all have our stories. We try to keep this deadly secret to ourselves for if they noticed we’d basically just be signing our own death sentencing except before we go they'll take our “gift”. I try not to sub come to my urgent that consume me. I can’t become the monster they created me to be. I dream of death, to be reunited with my family. Despite what you must think my parents do love me well at least they did when they were alive. Even though it didn’t seem like it at the time I know know that they did love me. But they had to do what they did to protect me. Some would sell their souls again just for another hit. Mine was ripped from me before I could even speak,breath, think. I forever must wonder this unbearable earth foolishly hoping for an end to witch will never come. I play a little game to pass time in this hell hole, for when the people come and pick their new toy out. Most people are easy to read you know. For instance this couple that just walked in, the father is only doing adoption so he has a reason to stay late at the office to make more money for their new toy. But in reality he’s a narcissistic ass hole who’s having an affair with someone. I can tell because he can’t look up from his phone for more than two seconds. He’s texting someone probably the girl he’s having an affair with because he can’t stop smiling and he tilts his phone just enough so his wife can’t see who he’s talking to and what he’s saying. But he doesn’t tilt it to much where it’s noticeable that he’s hiding something.