Dec 14, 2001. (pt 1)
Dear Journal,
I wanted to scream, I wanted to shout. Running past the forest trees I kept muttering to myself, “She can’t do this to me! She...she can’t just leave me like this..” Well, she did. I couldn’t believe how stupid I was! My wife...my ex-wife, the woman who is pregnant with my baby made me sign a divorce paper. Why did I sign the papers? now that’s one damn good question!
You see I’m not rich, I don’t earn enough money to provide for my family...which was just my ex-wife Bandit and I. Despite her parent's disapproval we got married. We had been struggling financially after we got married as I got kicked out of my old job after I threw a glass bottle at my boss for calling my assistant a whore. Bandit, on the other hand, was working as a part-time shop assistant. It took me months to find another job as everyone heard about the glass bottle incident. I started to work as a waiter in a nearby café and we were able to work with what we had for 3 years.
She always told me that money was never a problem. Even when I couldn’t get her diamond necklaces or earrings she would just smile and tell me that it doesn’t matter as long as we love each other. Pretty cheesy eh? We planned to get a child of our own once we become financially stable. Sometimes things just don’t go as planned! On our fourth anniversary, we went out for dinner and had....fun. The fun continued for a while as we had a lot of free time on our hands. Four weeks later Bandit felt sick. She threw up twice in the morning. She felt weak and she looked sore (we should have gone easy the night before...). She asked me if I could get her a pregnancy test thing (Idk what it is called). We can barely pay our rent and if we get a child how would we look after it with what we earn? Sure we always wanted a child, tiny versions of us running around the house must be really nice, but without money, we can’t keep them happy. Can't give them a good education, good food, and clothes.
A few minutes later Bandit came out of the bathroom. She had a weak smile on her face. "We weren't very careful the last few nights...it came out as positive..I'm pregnant!" Normally people will rejoice after hearing news like this, but us, on the other hand, we were not happy with this. She sat next to and gently held my hand, "Love, I know we won't be able to provide for it but I want this. I can't just drop the baby....we would think of something okay? we can make this work."
We'll it didn't! She had to stop going to work as she got tired easily and it was only I, who both Bandit and my unborn child were depending on. She was always on some deep thought. Always zoning out, she was lost in her own world. I started becoming weak and sick as I had taken three jobs just so that I can keep my family happy. She visits me at work sometimes. Looking all cute with the baby bump.
It had been five months since then when she randomly came up to me and handed me a paper asking me to sign it. I was too tired to read it and she knew this too. "What is this honey?" I asked yawning. "We have to sign this....it's for the baby.." being the dumb person I was and still am, I signed it. She smiled and kissed me goodnight.
She would go out more often because she wanted 'fresh air' and visits me less often at work. She comes home late and we would just eat and go to sleep. I noticed that her clothes slowly started to disappear from the cupboard, and when I question her about it, she would tell me that she gave it away for money. One night while we were having dinner she asked me what I would like to name my child. I had a shit ton of names but we agreed on one.
It was two weeks after that I came home to see an empty apartment. Empty as in, all Bandit's belongings were gone. I walked into the bedroom to see a letter on the bed under a rose.
Dear Love,
I know this must hard for you as it was for me, but I think we should go on with our separate life. The baby and I have been a huge burden to you. You've been working non-stop for us and I know that this tires you out. We don't even get time to talk to each other.
That paper you signed was a divorce paper. I knew that you wouldn't bother reading it. I found someone who could look after the baby and me, and he loves me dearly. I set you free from this burden. You can enjoy now. Take on one job, get settled, find yourself a nice educated woman with a good job, but as I promised I would name our child on what we both decided on.
I still love you dearly. This is very hard for me but seeing you like this is harder. Please live your life. You won't be seeing us for a long time. After all, it is because of us you are in this state.
I love you. I always did and still will.
Take care.
Love,
Bandit.
I felt hot tears stream down my face. It was then when my whole world crashed. 'NO NO NO NO NO NO.....this can't be happening...yes it's all a dream..yeah it must be' but it felt so real. Wiping the tears off my face. I went out. Walking calms me. Especially in the forest. This time it didn't help, so I started running, running away from my problems. Still crying I ran.
That is how I met her. She was the one who completely changed my world.
December 14, 2001.
