What is your opinion?
Good book
"It's an interesting book, really enjoyed reading it and can't wait to continue reading when the author adds more chapters "
Interesting
"I feel a little bad for Denver but all in all I love the story can’t wait to see we’re it goes "
Now I gotta know:
"I really enjoy reading about the main character Denver. He's got a lot going on especially with his mom. You can tell there's clear tension between them and that's totally understandable. I do want to know more about the girl, he's seeing but I think that's something I have to wait for. Overall I feel like this story has really good potential and I'll be definitely keeping up because now I gotta know; there was grammar and words missing but I'm honestly not that one to judge because you'll find that in my stories to and it doesn't take away the mystery behind the girl who Denver is seeing. "
Good plot this further.
"There're some problems with writing but I hope that will get better"
Not bad.
"Toxic relationship with family is not familiar but feel bad for Denver. "
It's not too good but not bad either. Edit: looks like getting good
"The plot sounds great at first but it becomes a boring. I hope it will be good in future "
Expressive and has potential
"I have to say your content seemed very expressive and I like how you describe the atmosphere and emotional changes in the main character's life. And overall characters seemed to developing step by step in a good pace. Although I would advice you to keep some of those descriptions a bit simpler to avoid confusion and reduce some repetitions here and there. By repetitions, I meant trying to repeat something that you have already said on previous chapters or paragraphs over again. If you could continue to express certain points like you normally do, while writing maybe a bit more dialogues and longer content, the outcome would surely be a success. Saying that you do not have to change the way you write since I notice you have an exceptional vocabulary and you know how to connect with readers by being expressive. Just with a little more editing and some re-reading on those chapters will make the difference. Overall, a great story that I am awaiting to read. "
Interesting Start, But Needs Editing
"I think there’s an interesting story here, but the writing is choppy and there are a lot of grammatical errors. Editing would allow the story to really shine. "
In need a bit of work...
"What I found interesting: The premise What I found lackluster: The POV 'voice' doesn't sound like a guy in early 20s. it could be just me, but it feels immature for the most part. Some of the words used are very pretty, which is fine, but doesn't paint him that well. Speaking of MC, I think you should try to explore MC's psyche. Everything is pretty much told but we don't get a sense of how he feels. Reflect it on his 'voice'. I think it'll make the story better. I'm not gonna harp on the grammar part, just know that you need a lot of work on that department. The writing feels bland. While writing this, I replied to my friend's DMs, and I already forgot the story. I hope this helps."
Complete (so far) book review
"The first few sentences of a book are crucial. They have to be absolutely perfect, compelling, and engaging. "She was here. Just a minute ago. But I can't see her now." You might consider changing "even" to "just" or "only." I think it would sound better. "It's becoming a daily routine for me... but nowadays, it's becoming a habit of mine." In the first sentence, you've already established that it's becoming a routine, so there's no need to repeat the same information one sentence later. Additionally, calling it a "habit" might not be quite accurate, as adapting to new circumstances isn't typically described as a habit. So, it's safe to cut the second sentence. Let's work on your descriptions. "she was standing on my balcony looking all sad... started crying... the sound of her crying felt really bad." Instead of telling us about Denver's emotions, show us what he sees! For example: "The first time I laid eyes on her, she stood on my balcony, leaning against the railing, her gaze fixed on the night sky. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She was crying! Why? I asked myself. Why? I wished to ask her the same, but my mouth remained shut. This scene left me utterly bewildered, and her weeping pained my heart as it reached my ears. Little did I know, this woman was about to alter the course of my life. It was only the beginning." I believe this provides a more vivid scene for readers to immerse themselves in, allowing them to feel the protagonist's emotions and experience the moment as if they were standing on that balcony themselves. --- Once again, as you start each chapter, you have a chance to ensnare your readers. We are like rabbits, and your words are the traps laid out to capture us. Provide some tempting bait to lure me in. The opening sentences of your second chapter pushed me away. Let's examine them: "It has been a very spiny day. Uncle John called this morning. My mom is getting another divorce. My mom and dad got divorced when I was only four." It's too straightforward! Even a toddler could have written this better! And why are you throwing random information at me? If you want to give me, as a reader, information about the MC, then wrap it up in the sugar-coated style that is uniquely yours. Here's one possible example: Today has been quite a rollercoaster of emotions. This morning, Uncle John gave me a call with some unexpected news — my mom is going through yet another divorce. It feels like déjà vu, as my parents had split when I was just a four-year-old child. Since then, my life has been a nomadic journey, hopping from one relative's house to another until I reached my teenage years." --- There are also occasional issues with grammar and spelling, but the primary concern lies in the structure of your sentences. Your chapters are quite short, which, for an online publication, isn't necessarily a drawback. I like it because I can stop whenever I feel like it. --- After reading through all your published chapters, I closed my eyes and felt... nothing. Everything seemed white, and I asked myself, "Why?" There's a lack of resonance. Your MC has a tragic background, a lonely figure even his friend inquiries about after a month of no contact (which is a good way to show his isolation, well done). So, why did I feel nothing? It's because your writing isn't sufficiently engaging. We've encountered several characters - Denver, John, Mother, Rex, Ms. Luther, and the girl. However, I couldn't tell you a thing about their appearances or how they display emotions on their faces. For instance, when Ms. Luther compliments Denver, let her smile and give him a friendly pat on the shoulder. Non-verbal communication is crucial. Readers are blind; provide us with some light. --- Regarding the plot: It's an intriguing idea - an enigmatic woman who appears and disappears in front of the MC. That's the only aspect that piqued my interest. However, a few chapters in, we haven't encountered any significant developments, but the chapters are incredibly short and that is probably the reason. As for his mother, work, and friend as side plots, they come across as rather uninteresting. Frankly, if you were to kick Rex from the story, I doubt I'd even notice. That's how little impact his character has on the story, as far as I can tell. But that could change later. These are my thoughts; you are welcome to disagree. I am willing to change my mind and read the book again after a revision or after more chapters are published. "
