Look at me, son. What do you see? You can tell me; I’ve heard it all. I know what you see. You see a weak, old cripple who can’t even go to the bathroom by himself. You see a man who has lost all his pride, who’s entire life is dependent on the whims of his loved ones. Not only that, but you see… a terrible future.
But that is not what I see. When I look in the mirror, I see security. I see a future of which I know the outcome. That darkness which is called “the unknown” is not there anymore for me. Every day is the same, choices are not mine to make. All I’m tasked with is to live in the way I have been for the past 30 years. When you are young, you can imagine yourself standing on a big, green open field with a bright, blue sky. There are no obstacles, no restrictions. You can go anywhere you want.
This sense of freedom suffocates a man like me. Freedom is a prison for those who are aimless. You can’t hit your target if you have nothing to shoot for. All my life, I have stood still, paralyzed by the many options available to me. The burden of privilege.
I was soon taken out of this cage. I was blessed with a spine surgery which paralyzed me from the waist down. Not only that, but I cannot go out of the house, make a meal, or even take a shit without any help. My life has moved from a big green field to a small mine cart on a singular pair of rails. All I can do is go forward, as the tracks dictate. There is nothing for me to choose or ponder.
I am not burdened by anything as inconvenient as “freedom” anymore. Now I simply live out my life in comfort until the day I last draw breath. And I would not have it any other way.
