Chapter 1
Ch 1 - Life Happened: One Day at a Time!
16 years, 12 months, and 17 hours old
Dear Diary,
Since it’s my birthday in about five hours, I’m going to confess something before I leave “sweet sixteen” behind. I’m in love with my brother’s best friend. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I’m in love with him and it’s driving me crazy. Yesterday, I saw him coming out of our pool. He was shirtless, water dripping down his smooth, gorgeous, perfect body and all I wanted to do—
“Luce.” Startled by her brother’s voice, Lucy slammed her diary shut. She raised her eyes to the door. Nathan’s head was peeking in through her bedroom door.
“Yea?”
His eyes narrowed on her suspiciously. “Do you know where my black sweatshirt is?”
“Nope.”
“You don’t?” He raised his brows. It was his favorite Guns and Roses sweatshirt and he knew she had it. She’d stolen it last week.
“Nope.” Lucy pushed the chair back and stood up. “Don’t have it. Sorry.”
“What is that?” Nathan said and Lucy turned to find him glaring at her.
She widened her eyes. “What is what?”
“That. That dress you’re wearing.”
Lucy glanced down at her Clueless inspired Calvin Klein white slip dress she planned to wear to her party. It was short and tight – just the kind of dress she needed to get the attention of any guy who wasn’t Dylan Crawford, her brother’s best friend – the forbidden object of her affections.
“It’s a dress.” She turned around and stepped into her walk-in closet.
Nathan followed. “It’s underwear.”
“It’s Calvin Klein!” Lucy said. “And it cost me a fortune.”
“You mean it cost dad a fortune.”
Lucy shrugged. “If daddy didn’t want me to spend his money, he should have paid me a little more attention, big brother. Maybe then I would’ve cared.”
“You can’t wear this to your birthday party,” said Nathan standing behind her.
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t you have somewhere else to be?” She asked, running her fingers through her straight blonde hair.
“Luce,” Nathan used his big brother tone, “I won’t be here to clean up your messes tonight. I have to go.”
Lucy looked at him over her shoulder, grinning slyly. “Oh, big brother. Are you afraid I’m going to attract trouble?”
“You’re always attracting trouble. But that dress will make sure you attract STDs, too.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re a caveman.”
Lucy had always felt the absence of her father in her life, but Nathan had effectively stepped into the role for her while they were growing up. He was three years older than her and always thought he knew better. Whereas Lucy was a walking, talking disaster train, Nathan was the quiet, calm, mature, and fiercely protective big brother who let her do whatever she wanted and didn’t even mind cleaning up her messes. He was a saint. Lucy took full advantage of it.
Nathan sighed, knowing that no matter what he said it wouldn’t get through Lucy’s head.
“Fine. If you insist on being stubborn, I guess I’ll have to leave you a chaperone.”
Lucy looked into the mirror and applied lip gloss. “Cool. That makes me feel much better and no longer makes you a caveman.”
Nathan rolled his eyes. He walked to one of her cupboards from which a black hoodie was peeking out and pulled it out. “This is mine.”
“Oops. Guess I did take it. Sorry.” Lucy pouted like a kid.
Nathan shook his head, smiling. He turned around to leave. “I’ll be leaving Dylan here to keep an eye on you. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t approve of!” He walked out.
“You don’t approve of anything!” Lucy called after him and then it hit her. He said…
“Did he just say Dylan’s coming to my party?”
***
17 years, 1 day, and 13 hours old.
Dear Diary,
I lost my virginity on my birthday. To Dylan Crawford… on my birthday. To my brother’s best friend— the guy I’ve been crushing on for a whole year. Dylan Crawford. The one with dreamy blue eyes and a perfect smile and a voice that could only have been a gift from heaven. Dylan Crawford.
This is everything I wanted. I have butterflies in my stomach. It’s intense, and I love it. I had sex with Dylan Crawford. On my birthday.
If my brother finds out, I’m dead.
***
17 years and 2 months old.
Dear Diary,
I am screwed. And pregnant. Everything is going to change.
When my brother finds out, HE’s dead.
***
27 years old
Lucy looked at Dr. Jose Cordova, her best friend of almost 10 years, with tears welling in her eyes. Fear had a deadly grip on her heart. “What?” Her lips quivered.
Jose sat down next to her, a comforting hand on her shoulder. But nothing could comfort her now. She was shaken. Shocked.
“My… my Jimmy?” Lucy turned to him.
Jose had a grim look on his face. “I’m sorry, Luce.”
“Non… Non….” She couldn’t even say the words.
“Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma,” Jose said.
Lucy's mouth parted. Silent tears streamed down her face. “But he’s… he’s only… he’s a kid. He’s 10. Jose, you have to check again. This can’t be true.” She shook her head.
“It can be treated if we take action now—”
“It can’t be true!” Lucy yelled, standing up from her seat in his office.
Jose looked at her with a pained look. “Lucy...”
Lucy fell down to her knees. Covering her face with her palms, she sobbed.
Her world was falling apart and this was just the tip of the iceberg.
***
A few weeks later…
“I can’t lose him, Jose,” Lucy whimpered, trying to keep her voice low.
Jimmy lay asleep on the hospital bed, machines surrounding him, looking lifeless and ill. Her heart ached to see the color fading from his rosy cheeks.
She had Jimmy’s hand between her palms and her lips moved against his baby soft skin.
“He’s my everything. He’s all I have left.”
Jose put a hand on Lucy’s shaking shoulders. “We’ll try our best, Luce. You know I’d do
anything to save that kid. I love him like my own. We’ve got the best team here.”
Lucy sniffed. Lifting her tear-stained face to look at Jose, she smiled, “I know. It’s just… it scares me sometimes. I love him so much.” She looked at Jimmy, her eyes glistening with tears.
“I know you do,” Uncle Jose said. A heavy silence enveloped the room until Jose spoke again. “Luce, you need to get in touch with him.”
Lucy stiffened. She knew this day would come. She knew it the day she found out that her kid had cancer that she would have to go back into her past and to that one person she never wanted to go back to; to face her demons; to kill every ounce of her pride and knock on the door of a past that had scarred her so deep she could still sometimes feel her heart clenched in its grip in the middle of the night.
“Is there no other way?” she asked in a meek, tired voice. She knew there wasn’t but she wanted to make sure it was the last resort.
Jose’s lips pressed into a grim line. “You know I hate that bastard just as much but…” he trailed off.
“But he’s the father of my child,” she said matter-of-factly. Lucy slowly dropped Jimmy’s hand and stood up.
Silence followed. Lucy walked up to the couch and Jose sat down next to her.
“I’m not sure he’ll even care,” she finally said. There was no doubt in her tone. She knew he wouldn’t care.
“We don’t need him to care, Luce,” Jose said. “We only need him to donate his bone-marrow and if all goes well and it matches just enough for a transplant, Jimmy will be gliding through the recovery tunnel before you even know it.”
Lucy stood up and began pacing in front of him. Back and forth. There had to be another way. She had an urge to curse out loud. If only her marrow was a better match, she wouldn’t have to think about contacting him.
Lucy stopped, eyes unfocused and thoughts all over the place. “I haven’t talked to him in almost 10 years. I don’t even know where to find him. I don’t even know if he’s alive.”
That was a lie. She knew he was alive and well. And fucking successful. A few months ago, Nathan had mentioned something about him. It was at that exact moment when Lucy had walked out of the room.
“Nathan knows,” Jose said. “You told me he does.”
Lucy sighed, defeated. “Tell me I’m a terrible mother. Tell me I shouldn’t even be debating this right now and should already be standing at his door, on my knees, begging him to help me. To help my kid.” She plopped down on the couch next to Jose and dropped her head low, her palms covering her face. “I’m a terrible mother who can’t get past her own fucked up past for her kid.”
A hand came on her back, warm and supportive. “You’re only human. That guy really hurt you, Luce.”
Lucy let out a shaky laugh. “It’s like you were there.”
Jose’s hand cupped her shoulder from behind. “Well, I’ve been here for a long time and from what you’ve told me about your past, I know how hard this is for you. Hell, it is for me, too. I might not have been in your life when it happened, but I was there for the aftermath. I’ve seen you pick up pieces of your heart and your life and mend it all together into this masterpiece that it is now. I don’t want you to ever face that piece of shit again but as Jimmy’s doctor and someone who cares for the both of you very deeply,” Jose sighed “He is our only option at this point.”
After leaving home, five months pregnant and so very alone, Lucy had moved into the apartment in front of Jose’s. He was a medical student and she was knocked up and broke. There had been an instant connection between them. But with her heart broken and shattered into unmendable pieces, Lucy could never love again. No one but the life growing inside her mattered at that moment.
Even though Jose had never proposed anything more than a friendship, Lucy had found out over the years that he’d had feelings for her since the very beginning. But out of respect for her and her past, Jose settled with just being friends. Best friends. Over the years, Lucy had opened up to him about every dark secret of hers. Jose knew her better than he knew herself and she trusted his opinions more than she trusted her own.
She was known to make reckless decisions, but Jose tethered her to the ground. He helped her develop commonsense and helped her raise a kid he had no business raising. He was an angel the heavens sent to her after they felt sorry for letting the devil destroy her.
Lucy let Jose’s words stir in her mind for a second. She turned to him with a sad smile.
“When you’re right, you’re right. He may be our only option. Jimmy’s only option. And he owes this to us. To Jimmy. It is only right that he does this, isn’t it?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.” Lucy stood up from the couch and grabbed her phone. She slipped out of the hospital room and, before she changed her mind, dialed Nathan’s number. He picked up after the fifth ring.
“Nathan.” Lucy’s heart dropped into her stomach.
“What’s up, Luce?” he asked. “Is Jimmy okay? Your ‘Nathan’ sounded dark.”
Lucy sucked a sharp breath in. “Where does he live?”
“Who?”
Dread gripped her throat. “Dylan fucking Crawford.”
