Frozen Smile

Allie

I feel like that I can die in any moment. That my lungs could crush, or I’d bleed to death. My whole body is on fire by the pain, but I can’t open my eyes. The dark is all around and swallows me. My body begging for cold. I don’t wanna die! I don’t wanna die like this! The cold concreate is burning my fingers. Why is my body on fire if the concreate is cold? Is the death like that? Is that coming like this? The human burning to coal while their soul leaves their body?

I hear everything around me. I hear the shoes trampling, the sound of the rain, the metal crashing and screeching. The sirens. I hear the ambulance siren. They came for us. For save the three of us.

„Ma’am?” I open my eyes; the sharp light almost blinds me. There isn’t rain, I don’t lay on the cold concreate, my body don’t burn. I sit and I have my seatbelt is on. „Ma’am? Are you okay?” I look terrified at my hand. The blood disappeared but I’m sure I was bleeding. And then I look at my clothes. It’s not wet. My clothes aren’t wet even thought it was a huge summer storm. „Should I call a doctor? Ambulance?”

„Not an ambulance!” I look at the woman while I object. She is not in a doctor clothe. She’s not a nurse. She’s a stewardess. Her hear is on her head in a half bun, she’s got a bright red lipstick on her lips. And I don’t lay next to a crashed car. I need to calm down.

„Are you sure you are okay?”

„Yeah, everything is fine!”

„Then please leave the plane! We’re get don like 20 minutes ago.”

„What?” I quickly open my belt. The woman moves away so I can reach my package.

„It’s been 20 minutes since the last person left the airplane. You sure you are okay? I think you had a panic attack.”

„No, I’m fine.”

„Your face is white like you’ve seen a ghost and your forehead is wet.”

„Just the warm” I say. „I’m sorry if I cause an interruption.”

„No problem. We’re happy that you choose this airline. Have a great day.” I thank it with a nod and then I go leave the plane.

As soon I get my suitcase, I go to the exit. Dad texted me that he’ll get me up or ask Derek. I don’t really know who I’d be happier. For my father who I left ’cause I moved to mom for a year. Or for my twin brother who’s always a jerk with me but he wouldn’t be so offended that I left. It might be a mistake to come home. I can’t look in dad’s eyes.

I slowly walk past the exit. I strongly grip my suitcase’s handle I fix the bag at my shoulder. I swallow a big and then step out. My stomach is like a roller-coaster and I feel nauseous. The sun is burning my skin, my strawberry blonde hair is attached to my head. I look around in the parking lot and I search for one of my family members, but I don’t see them.

„Long time no see!” I hear my father behind me. I turn to him but he’s already hugging me thigh. „I’m so sorry that I ’m late but the traffic is huge.” he didn’t change a thing. In his brown hair the grey ones glowing. His smile nice, his hug is so smooth.

„It’s okay you didn’t late.”

„We” correct me another male voice. Derek. I turn around and see my brother, who got a salted pretzel in his hand. On his face he got the usual lazy smile. His hair-like mine-has a strawberry color, his eyes are sparkling, his whole self is… Full of life.

„Hi Derek!”

„How is London? How is your mother?” dad asks.

„Mom is fine, and London was good”

„You are not talkative.” Derek takes a bite of his pretzel.

„Derek!” dad says it a sharp way. „Stop before you even start.”

„I’m not starting anything. But…”

„No buts” he interupt my brother. „Is everything okay?” dad turns to me. „You’re so white and…”

„I’m okay, it’s just really hot.”

„Give me your stuff” Derek says. This really surprise me. He’s helping voluntarily to me. That selfless movements just don’t give Derek to me. He puts his pretzel in his mouth and takes the bags out of my hands.

„Thank you” he just nods and goes to the car. Me and dad follows him.

I start looking for the black Jeep, dad loves that car. We’re past like twenty cars when dad and Derek stops next to a caramel Jeep.

„You change the car?” I ask while Derek goes to the flatbed and puts my suitcase on it.

„Yeah, I needed a flatbed car because of the construction.”

„It is much better than the old one” says Derek. „Imagine how many people can get up on this. A whole hockey team!”

„You already plan to steal my car?” dad raises one eyebrow.

„No” Derek shakes his head. „I plan to ASK the car from you.” I watch with a smile how Derek is arranges the car for himself.

„You really could buy a car for yourself, son.”

„I know but your is so much better.” says Derek and calls shotgun.

„Sleepy” I shake my head while dad is nod and like Derek, we get in the car too.

In Maine we live in a small town, calls Wells. It’s quiet but the gossip is always on the road. How do I know? I experienced on myself. This was one of the reasons that I moved to mom in London. After the incident whole Wells knew what happened last year 17th of July. Dad has a big building industry, the person who wants to build a house in Wells knows him. But not like Dave Abbot the builder. Like Allie Abbot’s father. That is pathetic, I know. Derek sucked too. But while Derek moved to Orono ’cause of the university dad stayed alone with the gossip. Even though he said to me two months ago in the phone that it fell silent. I can’t decide that he wanted to calm me down or it was true.

Derek said he enjoy the university. Last year he decided with some of his friends: They move in together in an apartment. I don’t quite know how many that some but I’d rather not to go there. Some young guy closed in one apartment. I hope one of them are normal who command the order to the others.

„The university is still part of your future, right?” dad breaks me out of my thoughts.

„Yeah.” I nod. „Of course, it’s part of my future. I plan rent myself an apartment around the campus.”

„My offer from last year still on” last year dad offered he help me out with an apartment while I don’t get a job so I can work next to the university.

„Maybe I take the opportunity. But just until I get a job. After that I pay everything back.” I’ll not gonna lie. We have a great life. But since I graduated, I don’t like if I get something without give it back. Dad looks to Derek with raised eyebrows.

„See that’s your little sister” now I raise my eyebrows.

„First of all: She’s younger by two minutes. Second: That she wants to pay it back is not my fault” he raises his hand defensively. He turns around and narrows his eyes to me.

„You don’t even try”

„Thanks Allie” says dad. It seems true. „You’re here and your brother is come to his senses” I laugh Derek pulls his middle finger up to me. „Back to the apartment. Last year I could give you a separately one but I’m not sure it’s free.”

„What does it mean?” Derek turns to dad. I’m interested what dad is gonna say too.

„It means your sister gonna live with you.”

„WHAT?” we scream at the same time with Derek.

„You can’t be serious.” Derek’s yaw dropped. „I live with six guys. SIX GUYS.” he says articulated. At least I figurate out that some is six.

„I’m sure you protect your sister from your horny friends”

„I rather go to dorm.” I raise my hand.

„Now that’s an idea” Derek supports me.

„I’m sorry kiddos but the paper of the dorm had to submit. I can’t get you a dorm room, Allie. And you can’t live on the street. You just need to live there until I found another.”

„We need to get to Orono in two days. Can’t you find one ’till that?” Derek is don’t give up. I try to accept my faith and try to understand that I need to live with seven guy probably till end of the second semester since every apartment got taken because of all school and university starts.

„Derek that is not how it’s work. My acquaintance only can find an apartment on the other side of Orono. You’d let Allie to travel by public transport for hours?”

„I take it” the last possibility. I can take it.

„Not a chance!” my brother turns to me and shakes his head. Dad smiles by Derek words. My brother takes a deep breath and continue it. „I get you a free room.” he says to me, I nod. The rest of the road passes in silence.

~~~

Arrived at our house dad drive to the linebacker. Our house has two-floor, it didn’t change, but it’s weird. The white walls and the grey roof. But it’s different. I just can’t tell what.

„I painted the walls, and the roof is new but it’s the same. It’s just new.” says dad. „Welcome home Allie!” I smile at him and with a quite thank you I go take my suitcase.

Inside it’s the same. It didn’t change a thing. The narrow corridor’s wall is full of pictures of me and Derek I can smell the jasmine’s sweet aroma. The roomy living room is opened with the kitchen.

„For dinner we order ’cause I still can’t cook.”

„Okay. I want to sleep some hour, I’m tired.”

„You can sleep ’till tomorrow if you want. We’ll enjoy the next day and afternoon you two can start packing to the university.

„It’s sounds amazing.” I says to dad, and I go upstairs.

„Allie” I stop and turns to him. On his tired face he still got his smile what get on when I arrived.

„I’m glad you’re here!”

„I’m glad to see you dad”

„You don’t feel like home?”

„It’s just weird. Devlon…”

„I know. Go to sleep. See you tomorrow. If you get up at night, there will be a pizza for you in the fridge” I nod and continue my way. A narrow corridor welcomes me. In the end there is our bathroom with Derek. My room’s light pink walls feel unknown to the white in London. The white ones are colder and more brittle than the pink walls, but it’s didn’t give me the home feel like a year ago. I left my suitcase in the living room. I put my bag next to my bed. I get the clip out my hair put on the desk and I lay down on my bed.

~~~

I open my eyes tomorrow. I stretches a lot and get out the bed and after I get something more comfortable clothes on than this demine shorts I go down to the kitchen.

Derek sits at the counter and eats cereal. When he sees me, he nods to me. His fell asleep hair and sleepy face my morning highlight. I take myself a bowl and take the cereal box I pour for myself. I take the milk off the fridge and pour on my cereal. After I put the milk back, I sit next to him.

„You didn’t learn in London that you put the milk first?” he asks with a full mouth, and he shakes his head.

„You didn’t learn at the university that you put the cereal first?” I put my spoon in the cereal and takes some.

„Why would you put the cereal first?”

„Because that’s how you measure how much milk you put in. While you put the milk first you can’t decide how many cereals put in. It can be too much or too less.” I explain to him after I swallowed my food down.

„Buti if you put the cereal first it gets wet.”

„It has to because if it’s not it will be too dry.”

„You fight on this again?” dad walks out his room. „Pour the two at the same time. It’s solved.” we both look at him.

„Uh… Someone is in a bad mood” says Derek. I hit him on the shoulder because he’s in such a teasing mood in this morning.

„I just woke up when someone is called that we fucked up one of the roofs. What is probable not our fault, actually… It’s sure that is not our fault, but the old lady is complain since early morning that it’s get soaked.” he walks to the coffee machine „BUT IT DIDN’T RAINED IN A WEEK!” he freak out. „Allie honey I will visit you two in Orono and get a family day there. I will be not available today”

„Should we go with you?” Derek asks.

„No” he shakes his head. „Get pack and if she needs help Allie too”

„We will go with you and get packed at the afternoon.” he tries to make a deal and I nodding with full mouth that I’m in.

„You want to go to an old lady who always complain?”

„Oh dad!” Derek grinning „The old, loud ladies are my favorite!” I laugh almost spill the milk of my mouth. But dad spill on the counter. The coffee flow from his nose too.