First Steps

Soft, sweet smell of a long summers day. The tickling of thin green blades against my bare feet. They flow with the warm winds that like to make my long black hair dance. Peace...One thing that I wish dearly would stay till the end of my days.

"Minzy!" With the last of my peaceful moment, I hear my mothers voice in the near distance. "Coming!", knowing fully well that the day I've grown to love has come to an end, I slowly push my body to a standing position, ignoring the slight dizzy spell.

Looking up to see the sun set, my breath catches. For not the beauty that mother nature decided to bestow upon me, the bright and yet settling colors that reach across the sky. Not a single cloud in sight. No, my breath catches in my throat at the sight of my father in the distance, walking the only path that leads to our front door. The sight of my mother halfway to me, in the front yard. Her face telling me it was too late.

Too late to be inside, in my warm bed, snuggled up, and ready to block out what the night was to bring. Too late for my mother to be finishing up my fathers meal, making sure it is fresh and hot, ready to serve in the dining room. With her beautiful long, warm brown hair pulled halfway back. To expose her neck in submission, awaiting for his orders.

"Mama....I didn't pay attention....I'm...I...." Trying to make my words come out. I feel that painful frog making its way up my throat. "We don't have time for it...quickly make your way into your room. I will try to get to you a little later. Quickly...go.." As a plea, my mother gave a warm smile. With a single tear stretching down her left cheek, I knew she was going to distract Dad for me. Making it seem as though she was the only to that disobeyed him for the day.

Now don't get me wrong, my father was a different man back in the day. He was fun, outgoing, loving, hard headed, and a major hunk. Or at least that's what my mother likes to tell me. She knows I understand her more than my brat of a brother does. Of course it helps that I am a few years older than he is. And I've personally witnessed my fathers change thru out the years. But that's what I have a hard time accepting. For the memories of my younger years started with that change.

Quickly kissing her on her cheek, I take a deep breath and hold it in, while running as fast as my legs would carry me to my room. Not wanting to chance my father seeing me dash into the front door, I aim for the side of the house. I was going to go thru the bathroom window, tiptoe thru the hallway till I was safely settled in my room at the end of the hall.

Reaching the window, I exhale slowly. Trying to keep control of my breathing so I would not start to break down. I couldn't afford to. My emotions where directly linked to my inner beast, and if she felt what I was feeling, I wouldn't have a choice but to transform.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!" Hearing his voice boom , I fight the urge to look over my shoulder. I know better than to look. Taking another deep breath, I slowly push the bathroom window open and pull myself inside. Slowly making my way to my door, I avoid touching anything. I know he would hear me if I wasn't careful. Passing my brothers room, I sneak a peak inside. Hearing his soft snores, I could see his face laying so gently against his pillow. The small stars swirling around his walls, as the light that gives them life starts to dim down. I've got to remember to tell mama to change the bulb in the morning.

As I finally get to my door, before I get a chance to step in, I hear the front door slam open. The sound of angry foot steps get louder, and fear starts to sink in. My arms are filled with goosebumps as my breath hitches. "Breath..damn it!"
Cursing myself for pausing, I push forward till my door is closed, my shoes are placed silently on the chest at the end of my bed, and I am underneath my covers. Pulling my warm shield above my head, I close my eyes and pray that he doesn't check on me tonight.

After a few minutes pass by, my breath is evened out, and my world turns to black.

"Every trial made, every path chosen, every option given..." Choking on my own words, I try to convince myself that it would be okay. That this wasn't going to be an every day thing. Yes, that these last few months are just stressful, and maybe even a disastrous nightmare. I was sleeping in my bed, dreaming of all the bad things so when I wake up, everything would be good and everyone would be happy.

"Stop It! Mommy!!" My brothers shout in sequence. Closing my eyes, I try to pretend even harder that when my eyes opened, it would be a better day. There is no screaming, no pain, no tears, we wouldn't be living in fear, it would be better.

Silence, cold and dead silence starts to fill my ears. As if my wishes where heard, my body found a moments of piece. A moment to relax, to breath, and to feel. Fear was not controlling my mind, trying to sway me into a(n) emotional mess. I was in control.... "Mommy!" The moment being snatched away, I heard the boys scream again. My eyes opening to debris of broken glass, broken bottles, furniture thrown, and blood splattered here and there. Controlling my breathing, I force myself to follow the trail to my mothers body deformed thru a broken kitchen table.

Her face turned into a stranger as I stare into her eyes. Hoping to see life in them, that her soul was attached to our world. My urge to run to her, protect her, love her, and help her out of here was growing in me. Tearing my heart into two as the thought of my brothers seeing what was going on overcame my desire to do anything.

Swiftly grabbing both of their small hands, I rush to pull them into the nearest room. As they struggle to free themselves away from my grasp, I reach to open the door. Jack still screaming and crying for mommy started to pull harder, making me let go. Taking the chance to use both hands, I quickly pick up Teddy and put him on the bed. Only to turn around and race out the room to catch Teddy before he got too close to mommy.

"Teddy! Please....It'll be okay. Mommy is gonna be okay." Trying to soothe him, I grab Jack around the waste and pick him up. With feet barely dangling underneath, I struggle to carry him into the bedroom where Teddy was waiting. I hug my brother lightly before quickly tossing him on top of Jack.

Giving myself the opportunity to shut the door before they fight me to get out, I close the door as calmly as I can. None of the doors had working locks, so I had no other choice but to hold on to it. Before my emotions finally took over and I slowly slump down onto the floor, still holding the door knob, I break into tears. "You f**king b**ch...I'll show you..." Hearing my father voice, I flinch in my spot, snapping myself out of my crying spill.

"Tina! Brad open this door right now! Tina! Kids?!" Hearing grandmas voice come thru the front door, I slowly raise back to my feet. As if a small ray of hope took light, my attention to my father became stronger. "Grams....mommy's..." Trying to speak, I could barely pronounce my words. Turning my head towards my mother, I could see my fathers towering form. Bloody hands, with half of a broken bottle in one, a malicious grin, and dead eyes. It was scary enough to see my father beat my mother when ever he pleased, but those eyes terrified me. The way they held no color, the way they became so dark, you would be swept up into them. In a pitch black vortex, where all your fears and sorrows lived. It was haunting the way he looked down on my mothers form, as if he lived to watch her break in every form.

"Minzy! Are you there honey?" Hearing my grandmothers words start to fall, I quickly take a moment to gather my courage. I knew that I could reach the front door and open it before my father realized what had happened. Before my grandmother would come in and rescue us from the devil that possessed my father. But in order for that to happen, I would be releasing the handle that held my brothers at bay, from seeing and watching the way my father hit my mother with full force. The way he would smile at her suffering, laugh at her pleas, and crave for her pain.

"I'm coming..." Quickly shouting, I let go of the door and run to the front door. It was only a few feet from where I stood, with the mess my father made in between. Jumping thru the debris, trying my best not to fall. Not to waste a single second getting to my grandmother before the boys came out the room.

"Minzy..where are the boys?" Grabbing my small frame into a loving embrace, Kimmy stepped inside quickly searching for life. Ignoring the mess that was covering our living area. Hearing small footsteps stampeding towards our direction, I knew the boys heard her voice as well. Turning around to see both frames quickly make their way into grandmas arms, I heard a hitch in her voice as she plead, "Minzy honey, take the boys to my car. Put music on and wait for me there. I will be out with mommy in a few." Trying to give a warm smile, grandma pushed the boys out of the front door.

With me towing behind them, I quickly grab both hands before they had the chance to argue back. "Lets go...grams will get mommy." Giving the best smile I could, I slowly walk to the car with both brothers in hand. "Will mommy be okay?" Hearing Jack ask in a fearful tone made it harder to answer. After all, I was only seven and half years old, and I had to protect my younger brothers. I just wanted them to be happy, especially Jack. "She will be okay. I promise. Lets play a game while we wait on grandma..." Turning the car on, I start, "With my little eye, I see.."