one
The last thing Sapnap expected to be doing at two in the morning today was texting his drunk best friend in an attempt to navigate him through his front yard.
Okay, maybe not the last thing, but it’s certainly not how he’d planned to spend the night. It’s a Saturday, and all he’d really wanted to do was chill at his house, maybe call some friends on Discord or just play CS:GO until he got tired. His house is certainly not in any condition to be having guests over, and although his friends are a little more than just “guests”, a heads-up at the very least would have been nice.
hey sopnap, Karl had texted him maybe thirty minutes ago. i gotta question for you
hey why tf are you awake this late, he’d said, choosing to ignore that he too was awake well past the acceptable hours.
dogn worry about it dude im fin e
you don’t sound fine wtf are you alright
Yeaj h i’m great
sapnap can o come to yoru house
It was at this moment exactly, 1:48 am on Sapnap’s squashed living room sofa, that he’d realised something was off more than usual; something he couldn’t quite place, but not for long. A couple typos are to be expected with Karl, but tonight’s had been strangely excessive. Sapnap had worried.
i mean sure? but are you SURE you’re okay dude
6eah
im in an . uber
why are you in an uber
wait, he’d said, and then it had occured to him. karl are you drunk or something
i gtink so
wooooo i dont know
probabyl
but itold the guy your address so ujhhh that’s wheree were going now
oh my god, he’d texted with a sigh, you’re so stupid. Although he’s usually prone to cracking smiles at his friend’s dumbassery, at this point it had been far too late for him to be particularly pleased.
tekl me about it
fine you can come inside
how far away are you
iihvace no idea
ill tell y ou when im here okay
By this point, Sapnap had been convinced that nothing more would surprise him - and for the most part, he was right. With the occasional text from Karl, he’d only hoped that the other would be able to make it up his front doorstep once he arrived.
But unfortunately, that isn’t quite so simple - as is indicated by his position in the front hallway, waiting on his friend to knock on the door. Sapnap’s irritation is already growing in size, and all he really wants to do by now is be asleep. God forbid he ever does something like this again (for Karl he’d do it a thousand times over, but that’s a topic for another day).
are you sure you can do this yourself? he asks Karl, who’s been insistent on walking himself up to the door (even though it would be much easier, as Sapnap points out, to just let himself be dragged in). i can come get you if you want
NO im doing it myself .
you udneresitmate me saonap
okay okay, just don’t trip over the steps
There’s a sudden pause.
ow fuck, Karl’s message comes through maybe a minute later.
did you trip
yeah
youre such a loser
maybe like stop texting me while you get up here?
neve r
we can talk when you’re inside i mean
no no no guess swhay sapnap
IM H ERE!!
And right on cue, there’s a knock on the door. Filled with relief that Karl hasn’t got himself killed, Sapnap approaches cautiously and pulls it open, instinctively stepping away from any potential areas of threat. Karl, leaning against his doorframe with heavy-lidded eyes, gives him a lopsided smile as the dim lights from the hallway flood onto his face. A long shadow is thrown onto the ground behind him, one that wobbles and shakes just the same way he does. He looks really out of it, and Sapnap isn’t sure whether he’s about to pass out or start laughing uncontrollably.
“Hi!” Karl shouts, a dizzy smile suddenly plastered on his cheeks. He makes a grab for Sapnap, maybe to hug him or something of the like, but misses and has to lunge for the doorframe again to avoid falling on his face.
A laugh escapes Sapnap, filled with fondness and annoyance. “You’re an idiot, Karl- look, come in, okay? You can sleep on the couch or something.”
“Huh.. okay!” he steps forward and immediately falls face-first, and Sapnap has to grab him by the shoulders to keep him up.
“Shit, how drunk are you? Are you okay?” Although lighthearted, a bit of concern creeps into his voice. He doesn’t want Karl hurting himself.
“...what? I’m fine,” Karl mumbles blearily, tugging away from him and stumbling in the direction of a wall. “Don’t worry dude, I’m gonna-”
“Nope, you’re not going anywhere,” Sapnap grabs his arm before he crashes, pulling him close enough that he’s not in any danger of falling over (or doing something else stupid). Karl does not take kindly to this.
“Hey, stop,” he groans, pulling vainly in the opposite direction. “Fuck, let go of me-”
“You’re not getting into any accidents, okay? Stay here.”
Come on-” Karl struggles, but Sapnap’s grip is firm, and before long he’s given in.
“Fine,” he says, admitting defeat. “Where.. where are we going, huh? Take me to your leader!"
Ignoring Karl’s drunken attempt at a joke, Sapnap steers him in the direction of the living room.
“We’re just gonna go sit down, okay? This way.”
Karl allows himself to be led down the hallway, and Sapnap keeps a very firm hold on the dark fabric of his sleeve as they go. He’s not taking any chances. Karl, however, seems to have accepted his fate, and despite his lagging behind he remains cooperative until Sapnap has sat him down on the sofa.
The living room they’ve just entered isn’t the cleanest place in the world - dusty, cushions scattered untidily across the slightly squashed couch, but Karl doesn’t seem as if he’s in any state of mind to care about that. With a loud huff, he flops against the back of the sofa, eyes half-closed and slightly bloodshot. He looks beyond tired.
Sapnap lets go of his shirt at last, hoping he doesn’t spring back on him. “Are you gonna sleep? You probably need it.”
" ..hm? Yeah, yeah I will… will you sit with me?”
“Oh,” Sapnap raises an eyebrow, a little surprised. “You want me to?”
Squinting up at him, Karl nods. “C’mere, Sapnap, I’m tiiired.”
“You can go to sleep,” he says, amused. “I don’t have to sit with you for that to happ-”
He pouts. “Yes, you do… come on, Sapnapppp.”
“Why are you so clingy right now?” he mutters, and caves in (but maybe it’s worth it to see the smile that lights up the other’s face as he sits down beside him). Immediately, Karl’s head falls onto his shoulder, slightly uneven breaths tickling Sapnap’s neck and making him shiver. The gesture is probably automatic, considering his current state, but it doesn’t stop Sapnap’s mind from jumping to weird places.
“You good there?”
“I never noticed… how cute you were,” Karl says, leaning into him even more closely (if that’s even possible). It comes out of nowhere, and Sapnap, a little taken aback, isn’t exactly sure what to say. To his dismay, his face reddens, and he thanks everything in him that it’s dark and Karl isn’t looking at him.
“Thank you…? I’m not really-”
Interrupting him for the hundredth time that night, Karl puts a finger to his lips. “Shhh.. you are! You’re.. cute, Sapnap. Sappy!” His eyes light up at the nickname. “Cute name ’n cute face.”
“Um, yeah, right,” he mumbles, forcibly removing Karl’s hand from his face with a sheepish smile. He can feel his cheeks burn. “Look, Karl, go to sleep, okay? We can-”
“Why so.. so shy?” he says. “Come on, you know you like it-”
“I don’t know what you-”
Of course, Karl chooses that moment to half-fall into Sapnap’s lap, head colliding with his chest with a dull thump.
“Seriously, Karl, oh my god.” He stares down at him, head now under Sapnap’s chin and legs curled up on top of his own.
“You looove me,” he teases, reaching up to poke Sapnap in the nose again. “You won’t be mad at me for long, Sappy, I know you won’t.”
“That’s a terrible nickname,” he complains, but it’s true. It’s so hard to stay mad at Karl, no matter how hard he tries, especially right now in their current position (though you’d think that would make it easier).
“Um, you’re kinda..” he glances down at the other’s face; Karl stares up at him with slightly glazed-over eyes. “All over me.”
“Shhh,” Karl whispers, wrapping his arms around Sapnap’s torso. “You don’t mind, huh?”
“Well, no, I don’t.” Quite the contrary, actually, not that he’d say it. It’s nice, but in a weird way that makes Sapnap wonder why exactly it is.
“Good, cause you’re comfy.”
He can’t help smiling. “Are you just gonna sit in my lap or what?”
“Mm… yeah,” he says, a soft exhale running through his body. “I’m staying here, kay?”
“Alright, that’s.. that’s fine,” he says, a trace of affection in his voice that he wasn’t meaning to let through. “Promise me you won’t break any of my bones?”
“Promise!” he says, lifting his head abruptly and knocking Sapnap’s chin hard.
“Ow! Karl-"
“Whoops, sorry.. I didn’t hurt you, right?” He sounds genuinely concerned for a second.
“Oh, no, you’re fine,” he grimaces, attempting to brush off the unexpected pain. “Go to sleep now, okay? You’re tired, I know you are.”
“I am, but…” he pauses, thinking hard. “But I wanna do stuff! Like-”
“Oh, no no no. That is not happening. You’re not doing anything until you’ve gone to bed.”
“Aww,” Karl whines. “Fiiine. But we’re doing something tomorrow, you and me! Okay?”
“Like what? What do you-”
“We’ll go on a date!”
“..Huh?” Did I hear that right?
“Take me on.. on a date? It’ll be fun!” he says with a skewed grin. “You’ll like it, right?”
It’s obviously nothing to worry about, but Sapnap is a little taken aback.
“Are you okay in the head right now?”
Karl slumps, disappointed. “What do you think?”
“Fair,” Sapnap gives him the benefit of the doubt, “..sure, okay. Tomorrow.” It’s not a promise he intends on keeping, but Karl probably won’t keep it either. If he even remembers, that is.
“Yay!” Karl hugs him even more tightly, arms squeezing uncomfortably into his ribs.. “I knew I could count on you.”
Sapnap grins. It’s a little endearing. “Yeah, okay then.”
“I’m gonna.. gonna sleep now,” he says, struggling to keep his eyes open, and Sapnap feels an odd sense of relief. As much as he loves his friend, he’d definitely rather have sober Karl back.
“Okay, good,” he sighs. “Gnight, Karl. Sleep well.”
“Sweet dreams,” he says sleepily, snuggling into Sapnap’s chest, and the room fills with a comfortable silence.
For a minute or so Sapnap just sits, arms wrapped around Karl’s back, wondering quite how he got like this. At the very least, he’s comfortable, and Karl probably won’t ask questions tomorrow. This night will simply have never happened by the time it’s over, and that will be that. No spontaneous date and no more Karl sleeping on his lap.
The sinking feeling in Sapnap’s chest at that thought surprises him. As comfortable as this is, it’s not like he’ll ever have it again, so why worry? Why grasp for one more minute of the elder’s head under his chin, chestnut hair brushing against his neck, breathing in time with him? It’s a one time thing and it’s only because Karl absolutely insisted and Sapnap is too weak to him to say no.
But maybe that’s the problem.
Yes, maybe there is something there. Just something small, kindling in his heart. Not big enough for anyone to notice except for him (yet).
“Do I like you like that, Karl?” he hears himself muse, quiet to the point where it’s barely audible.
The answer seems quite inevitable. Something tells him sleep won’t shake it off of him.
---
It’s only when Sapnap awakes the next day, soft morning light greeting him through the half-open curtains framing his living room windows, that the position he’s in properly hits him.
At this point, Karl is still asleep, probably exhausted, and Sapnap is sitting here holding him against his chest, and there’s something inside him that really, really likes it. It shouldn’t necessarily mean anything to him (can one not cuddle their homies?) but… it does, a bit.
Did Karl trust him enough to fall asleep holding him? Is that it?
No, he reminds himself, the answer is that he was drunk; but it would be nice if that was the case.
Brushing off the momentary vulnerability he feels, Sapnap leans back against the couch, already feeling hungry enough to make breakfast but not wanting to disturb the sleeping Karl. He could probably just close his eyes and succumb to one or two more hours of rest, but there’s something so much more inviting about just sitting and letting the morning catch up to him. Karl’s body heat keeps him warm, and that combined with the golden light the room is now bathed in provides a cozy atmosphere, undisturbed by sounds of cars or planes. It’s the most peaceful he’s been in awhile.
As the stillness surrounds them, Sapnap’s mind begins to wander through the day ahead of him. After Karl wakes up, what will they do? He’ll make breakfast (pancakes, maybe, if he can figure out how) for the both of them; drive around the neighborhood for awhile if he feels like it; check up on their other friends, call them if they’re around.
He’ll drop Karl back at his house if he wants to go, although Sapnap has to admit he doesn’t want him to, not just yet. At the very least, five more minutes with just this would be nice; the comfort of the morning takes the restless edge off his mind and he finds it so much easier to exist in this moment than any other.
Without really meaning them to, his fingers run through Karl’s hair, warm brown curls brushing against his knuckles. The pale dawn light shines through his locks, bringing out faint orange and gold hues normally trapped beneath shadows and artificial light. Suddenly, whatever train of thought Sapnap was taking is lost to the colours.
Karl is good at doing that to him. He has been for a long time.
Suddenly, as if he’s sensed that someone is thinking about him, Karl shifts on Sapnap’s lap, head lifting from the crook of his neck just enough that he’s able to look around. He’s awake, but groggy, and Sapnap feels himself freeze wondering exactly how he’ll take it.
“...huh?”
He peers up at Sapnap, obviously disconcerted.
“Morning,” he says, unsure of where to take this. “Took you long enough to wake up.”
“Was I asleep for that long? Hold on, why am I-? What the fuck?”
Seemingly, his senses have kicked in. A second later, the warmth disappears as he falls backward onto the remaining empty space on the sofa.
Sapnap deflates a bit. He was getting comfortably used to having someone in his arms.
“Sapnap,” Karl says, looking at him with a slight bewilderment as he rubs sleep out of his eyes, “what happened? I don’t remember.”
“You’re okay,” he assures him, hoping beyond hope that he’s not weirded out. “You probably don’t remember because you were drunk last night.”
A soft “oh” of realisation escapes him, ”oh, oh okay, so is that why I was-” He gestures to Sapnap and then back at himself, trying without words to explain himself.
“Yeah.”
“Shit, dude,” Karl runs a hand through his hair - the same place that Sapap had touched just moments ago. “I’m really- I mean, what did I..?”
“Nothing big,” Sapnap lets himself laugh. “Don’t worry. You were mainly just really stupid and clumsy. Like usual.”
Karl groans. “I don’t even remember why I was drinking-”
“That’s good, right?”
“I don’t think that’s how that works.” He laughs nervously. “I didn’t… didn’t say anything, did I? Nothing out of the ordinary?”
Recalling the events of the previous night, Sapnap finds himself torn between telling the truth and avoiding it altogether. He isn’t sure how his friend would feel about the answer, but he’d rather die than keep something from him if he wants to know.
“It was a little weird,” he confesses. “Just a bit.”
“Like what kind of weird?”
“You just,” Sapnap starts, and before he knows it he’s laughing. Karl gives him a slightly concerned look, but the furrow in his brow lessens a little despite his best effort to keep a serious face.
“What is it, come on-”
“..you kept calling me cute and stuff, and-”
“Oh my god.” Karl shoves his face into his hands. “Well, that’s just great.”
“It’s not a big deal!” Sapnap urges him. “Although you did sit on top of me at one point and kinda… fell asleep in my arms and it was-” It was nice. “it was… fine, I guess.”
“Alright, well,” Karl mumbles, and Sapnap thinks he catches a glimpse of red on his cheeks, but he could well have imagined it. “Nothing else?”
Not really… oh, no, you asked me on a date at some point too. So that’s scheduled for today-”
“Sapnap!”
“I’m serious,” he laughs; a strangely humourous embarrassment making him realise the bizarreness of the situation. “Promise. You asked, and I said yeah, sure, so-”
“God.” He still hasn’t met Sapnap’s eyes directly again. “This is really weird on my part, I’m sorry-”
“It’s okay,” Sapnap nudges him with a shoulder, the closest he might ever get to holding him again. “I’m not upset or anything, I get that you weren’t in the best state of mind last night. No judgement here.”
“No judgement,” Karl repeats the words back to him, and slowly the perplexion disappears from his expression. “Okay, gotcha.”
The words slip from Sapnap’s mouth before he can stop them; “so what about that date then, huh?”
“Okay, come on, you’re kidding,” Karl slaps him on the arm, hard. “You’re actually-”
“I’m not if you want to go,” he says, and the touch of sincerity hidden behind layers of well-crafted, sarcastic jokes breaks the surface. Him and Karl are both well-used to making those jokes, laughing about stupid things like relationships and dating and the ups and downs of it all. It’s a reoccurring theme in their friendship.
But sometimes it’s less of a joke than Sapnap makes it out to be.
Karl falls silent, and Sapnap can tell he wants to say something, though what it is exactly would be lost on him.
“Okay,” he says after a second. “Where do you want to go?”
“You… mean it?”
“Well, you did, didn’t you?”
Sapnap nods. If Karl really wants to do this, if he’s being serious…
“I’ll plan something for tonight then. Okay?”
A shy sort of smile eases itself onto Karl’s face.
“This,” he says, eyes flicking up to Sapnap’s own and then back to his hands, “is not how I was planning to spend my day.”
“Well, I didn’t ask for you drunk on my doorstep either.”
There’s a beat of silence, then as if cued to do so, they both break into laughter, Karl’s giggles sending warmth cascading up his body and into his chest like a hot fan just got put on full blast. The moment is light and easy to live in, and Sapnap finds himself chuckling long after their momentary joy has subsided.
Maybe it’s just because him and Karl are actually going on a date later (and as much as he told himself he’d say no, he’s really looking forward to it). But maybe it’s just because he has the other here, next to him, one of his goofy smiles tumbling all over his cheeks, and that’s all he really wants.
There’s something comfortable in accepting the way he feels; in recognizing it, acknowledging the push and pull of his heartstrings and how no matter what they’re always connected to Karl. Indifference is something Sapnap has always hated, and he’s known for probably as long as he’s known Karl that he can’t be indifferent around him. Especially not towards his own feelings.
Either way, he’s glad to be at peace with it, and maybe he’ll get a chance to do something about it now - who knows? Is the upcoming date an opportunity, or just another memory in a series of days spent with Karl? Will it awaken something in his friend, or is that an unattainable hope? Can he even bother to worry about someone’s feelings when they aren’t his own?
Does any of this mean something?
No, obviously not. A date means nothing at all.
But to Sapnap, maybe nothing is enough.
