lover's rock

The very first day of junior year, Sapnap was seated next to a boy with hazelnut colored hair. Something about him caught his eye. Maybe it was that bold purple sweater, maybe it was the way he pushed his glasses back up each time they started to fall, but he noticed right away when the boy seemed to be distressed. The boy rummaged through his bag, cursing under his breath, which led to Sapnap’s decision to talk.

“What’s the matter?” Sapnap questions, eyebrows furrowed in concern. Where the concern came from- he had no idea. The boy looks up at him, surprise evident in his face. It was as if he was shocked that Sapnap would ever even look his way twice. Sapnap didn’t realize why he was so surprised, of course; he was oblivious. He just tilted his head in confusion and waited for an answer to his question patiently.

“Nothing, just…” The other’s words were quiet as they trailed off into silence, eyes clouded with uncertainty. Maybe there was something else there, too, but Sapnap hadn’t been thinking about it. There’s a beat until his features soften out. “Just forgot all of my pens.” He relents, shoulders slumping in on his body. Sapnap lets out a chuckle, his nose scrunching in playful mockery. Thankfully, the nameless boy seems to take it as a joke. “What’re you laughing at?” He asks, smiling.

“Just seems like shitty luck to forget all your pens on the first day,” He says, shrugging. “I got you, man.” He turns to dig through his bag, the mess of binders and papers suddenly making him cringe. Finally finding them, he picks the purple one, it matches that vibrant color on his sweater. He hands it over with a smile imprinted on his features. “Sapnap,” he introduces himself.

“I know,” is all the other boy says, taking the pen with a grateful nod. Sapnap tilts his head in confusion, like a puppy, staring at the boy across from him. “Well- I mean, y’know, everyone knows you. You’re number nine, Sapnap.” He gestures to the emblazoned jacket, the huge 9 stitched onto the back. Sapnap finds himself flustered, forcing the creeping blush to the back of his mind. He pulls himself together and smiles, nodding as the other boy spoke.

“That’s me.” He laughs, there’s an awkward twinge to it. The other doesn’t notice, just goes back to writing whatever he was focused on before. After a minute of waiting for him to respond, Sapnap figures he doesn’t know how to carry a conversation. It would be easier if he dropped it right there, but something drew him back in. “You got a name?” Is all he asks, leaning back to set his feet on the desk and cross them.

“Oh, right. It’s Karl. Karl Jacobs,” the other boy replies, getting embarrassed and fidgeting with the middle of his glasses. Sapnap smiles to himself at that, trying to remain casual as a faint blush creeps up on Karl’s cheeks. He finds it different that this boy introduces himself with his last name. Already, Sapnap is taking notes, knowing that he’ll definitely use it. It’s a nickname, he thinks briefly, before shoving the thought away. He doesn’t even know this boy; why would there be something special he needs to be called?

“Nice to meet you, Jacobs.” Sapnap replies, cutting off the endless yapping of his brain. He watches that warm smile for just a few moments longer. It’s unnerving how it drew him in, and it begins a ceaseless train of thought. He wrenches his gaze to the front, pretending he’s paying attention, even though he’s not.

The rest of the class is a horribly boring blur, and the only thing interesting about it is Karl. Sapnap steals tiny glances over at him, his notes, or that purple sweater. His handwriting is neat and small, it scrawls onto the page in neat rows. The notes he shoves into his bag at the bell are bustling with sticky notes and annotations. He can’t help but watch him go, knowing if he said anything that it would be drowned out by the gathering crowd in the hallways.

***

“Dude, I met this kid in my Physics class today.” Sapnap says, absently changing and wiping the sweat dripping down his body. It’s just after a hard few hours of practice.

“Oh yeah? Mind giving me a name?” Dream replies. He’s already smirking at Sapnap’s tone, turning his head momentarily to glance at Sapnap. He figures this ‘kid’ Sapnap had met in physics was someone he knew already. He was right.

“Karl Jacobs.” He says, watching Dream as he speaks. Sapnap notices a sliver of something there, he’s not sure what. He brings his bottle of water to his mouth, in need of a refresher after team practice.

“I remember him! Did you know he’s gay?” The other guy says out of nowhere, making Sapnap choke on the water he’s sucking from a cold water bottle. “Woah, struck a nerve, there.” Dream chuckles, clearly not caring about how close Sapnap just was to fucking dying.

“Shut up, oh my god.” He says, coughing into his hand. Can’t bullshit out of that one. Not as much as he wished he could, at least. “How do you know that?” He asks, coughing softly, trying to regain oxygen flow.

“He had a little thing for me back when I was a sophomore.” Dream smirks, waiting for his words to hit. They do, startling a hard cough out of Sapnap. “Can’t believe you didn’t hear it last year. That boy was all over the gossip pages at this damned school.” Dream says, sighing when he thinks about it, he had been in the same position once.

“That’s- um, oh. Okay.” Sapnap says, finishing up and grabbing his stuffed duffel bag. “Wonder what Punz had to say about that one.” He says, meaning for it to come off as a joke, but it doesn’t exactly sound that way. Some sort of twinge in his voice makes him wince, and he desperately hopes Dream doesn’t feel the need to poke at him about it. Thankfully, the other man feels that he’s done enough teasing, and they walk the way to Dream’s car in a somewhat comfortable silence.

The sound of the car doors slamming sounds in Sapnap’s ears, lingering after it was gone. He let Dream play the music on the way home, because Dream didn’t care what other people thought about the music he listened to. Dream didn’t care about what other people thought in general, Sapnap wished he could do the same. Sapnap was convinced he’d never admit to the music he actually listened to. He was pulled out of his own thoughts when he heard Dream start to speak.

“Are they back yet?” was all he asked. This was a vague question, sure, but Sapnap knew that he was asking about his parents. His parents were often out of the house, for weeks at a time. They would come back for a week or less, and warn him before they left again, if they felt like it. Sapnap knew that Dream had this sort of brother-like instinct with him, maybe it was because they grew up together. The football captain was older than him; ever since they were little Dream would constantly look out for him. Whenever Sapnap’s parents started leaving more frequently, he was the first to notice.

“Well, not now. They came back on Sunday, but I think they left again last night,” he pauses, thinking that was all he had to say until he realized it wasn’t as clear as that. “Or this morning, not really sure.” He tried to laugh at this to lighten the tone, but knew this was the kind of thing Dream didn’t like. He hated that Sapnap’s parents would leave all the time, often without even saying anything. He could tell Dream’s facial expression had gone sour without even having to look, it always did when they talked about his parents’ absence. He didn’t mind it, in all honesty. Even when they were here, it wasn’t that different.

“They were only back for two days?” Another question, to which Sapnap just nods. Dream worried about the boy, no matter what he said. Sapnap would often say he didn’t care, but Dream did. They stayed quiet until they pulled into Sapnap’s driveway, to which Dream had something to say. “Pack a bag or something, crash at my place.” It was more of a demand than a request, but there was no trace of venom in his tone. Sapnap opened his mouth to protest; Dream cut him off. “Don’t care if you don’t mind staying here, and yes I know that I don’t have to invite you. If you really don’t want to, you don’t have to, but you’re always alone. Just tonight,” he clarifies.

Sapnap goes inside, already feeling the lonely energy of the place. It’s bigger than most in the neighborhood, and the outside made it look like an intimidating structure. He tries to hurry himself when he shoves stuff into a bag, climbing the grand staircase two steps at a time. Every time he enters this house, it makes him shiver, and it’s not even cold. Sapnap leaves as quickly as he comes in, jiggling the door handle to make sure it’s locked. The duffel bag he’s holding is thrown into the backseat of Dream’s car, and he shuffles into the passenger seat with ease. He wants to say something, but if he asks anything Dream will dismiss it, so he keeps quiet.

“How’s George?” Sapnap says, turning in his seat to rest an arm on the center console. He can’t handle the silence, even though it’s punctured by soft music. It’s also interesting to hear the things Dream has to say about his boyfriend, and he truthfully hasn’t seen the boy in a while.

“Oh, he’s doing great! We’re doing great,” he adds with a small smile, and it makes Sapnap smile too. He seems like he has something else to say, by the way he’s tapping the wheel with a finger. “He said that he loves me yesterday.” Dream says, his eyes taking on a dreamy glaze before snapping back to the road.

“You made it, man.” Sapnap laughs, clapping the driver’s back with a hand. None of his past relationships had ever gotten that far, and if they did, it was a psychopath he was dealing with. He does feel a twinge of jealousy for what Dream has, but it’s overwhelmed by the happiness he feels for him. Nothing could ever make him resent Dream for being happy, and whenever he’s happy, Sapnap is happy too.

“Hell yeah!” Dream shouts, pounding the dashboard in front of him with an excited fist. Rarely does Dream ever share information about his own relationship, it’s only when Sapnap asks, but when he does it’s always nice to hear. Sapnap is snorting laughter when he does it, the sound floating over the softly playing music in the car. “We’re gonna get there soon, you wanna stop for something to eat?” Dream asks, looking at the other boy briefly. It’s that moment that Sapnap is aware of how empty his stomach is, and it growls comically on time. “I’ll take that as a yes ,” he wheezes, turning into a local diner. It’s just outside of where Dream’s neighborhood is, and they started stopping there all the time (at least when Dream was able to drive).

“I’m fucking starving. Let’s go!” Sapnap says, jumping out of the car as soon as it stops completely. Practice had completely drained his energy and made him hungry. He waits for Dream to follow him before pushing the door open, breathing in the wonderful smell of food . It makes his mouth water, and he misses the sight of a boy near the window.

They slide into a booth together, and Sapnap sheds his jacket to the side. There’s only a few more moments before Dream talks again. “Look over there,” he says, with a pointing finger. Sapnap is wondering why he’s laughing, and the thought is gone as soon as he looks.

There’s Karl, in his wonderfully quiet bubble, chewing on a French fry as he looks down at his notes with a concentrated look. He doesn’t even see Dream pointing, and he’s got everything scattered around the table. Sapnap forgets how his tongue is supposed to work, and can’t help but just look for a minute. Karl still wears that purple sweater. His thought bubble is popped when Dream talks again.

“I’m gonna go talk to him.” He says, smirking at Sapnap where he sits. He absolutely hates that look, and Dream always fucking knows what he’s thinking. It’s ridiculous how easy it is for him to be tormented, and he spikes up.

“Don’t you fucking dare, Dream.” Sapnap says, hopefully menacingly, narrowing his eyes where he stares at the man in front of him.

“I’m already walking,” Dream sings, getting out of his seat to start making excessively loud footsteps. Sapnap wants to strangle him when he hums as he goes. It’s like he gets off on being an absolute dick all the time.

“Dream!” Sapnap says, groaning behind his hands as he’s already gone. It’s painful to watch him go, but he does anyway, fixating his gaze on the man approaching. Fuck.

He watches them exchange words, Karl snapping out of his bubble to gather all of his papers. He puts them all in a folder and shoves it into a rucksack bag. Sapnap is only barely registering that they’re making their way over, and he plasters a smile onto his face. His eye twitches, I’m going to fucking kill him later , he thinks with a warm smile. It’s difficult not to smile when Karl is right there.

“Hey, Sapnap.” Karl greets with a small wave. Sapnap is shuffling to the side and beckoning for him to sit down. He can see Dream just behind, smiling with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“What’s up, Jacobs?” He says, leaning forward onto the table. The stare he fixes Dream with is deadly, and he hopes Karl doesn’t notice. He’s already forgetting it, settling into the back of the booth with a renewed smile. “Did we bother you at all?” Sapnap questions, settling his chin into his palm. He wouldn’t have let Dream go if he knew the boy was busy studying.

“Oh, no, not at all.” Karl replies shyly, fidgeting with his fingers in his lap. “Actually, I was finishing up.” He looks like he has something else to say, but it goes unnoticed. Sapnap curses himself for thinking he’s glad that he’s not bothered. Dream looks disgustingly smug over on the other side, and he really does want to reach over and wrap his hands around his th-

“Karl! We haven’t talked in forever. How are you?” Dream beams, pointedly not looking at Sapnap.

“I’m okay, I guess?” Karl responds, and there’s a hint of uncertainty there. Like he doesn’t think they would want to talk to him willingly. “Debate club and everything, it’s starting to pile up, you know?” He says, giggling a little. Dream is nodding the entire time he talks.

“Yeah, man. Sapnap and I have been worked to the bone for conditioning,” Dream complains, rubbing his neck in a tired gesture. Sapnap can agree with that one, and he cringes at the memory of it. He doesn’t hate running, and conditioning for their varsity games, but he thinks it zaps the energy right out of him. “Oh!” Dream says suddenly, perking up. Sapnap can already predict what he’ll say before he says it.

“What’s that?” Karl asks, staring back at Dream.

“We have our first game next week. I’m sure you’ve heard.” Dream laughs, ruffling Sapnap’s hair as he finishes speaking for a moment. “You should come.”

Karl is taken by surprise at this, blinking at Dream for a moment. “You want me to go?” He asks, fingers stilling where they took place in his lap. Sapnap curses himself again, because, no, I don’t want him to go .

“Totally. George can bring you tickets from our team, so you can go for free. What d’ya say, you can always hang with him on the bleachers?” Dream finishes, a questioning look on his face. Sapnap lets the other man do the talking for now, as he thinks he may stutter. Though he doesn’t understand why.

“I’d like to go.” Karl says quietly, offering a small smile. “George will be there?” He asks again, and it makes some part of Sapnap wince. Is Karl forcing himself to want to go? Maybe the boy hates crowds.

“Of course, you guys have debate together, I think. He can give it to you then.” Dream responds. It’s just then that a waitress sidles up to their booth, asking what they want to eat and drink. It’s easy to make a choice, having ordered the same thing here since he was a kid. Sapnap yawns when the waitress is gone, slumping back into his seat.

The food came in no time at all, the place wasn’t packed and it was a smaller place. The eerie feeling it gives off is what Sapnap loves, it’s quiet and different from his day-to-day surroundings. He can hear idle conversation between Dream and Karl as he looks around absently. There’s a poke at his arm and he snaps out of his trance.

“Earth to Sapnap. Are you present?” Karl giggles, and it still sends bells ringing in his ears (in the good way). “Food’s there.” He says, briefly pointing to the other end of the diner. Sapnap can already smell it and he’s sniffing the air.

“Sweeeeet.” Sapnap says just as the waitress drops off their meals. He can’t help but start eating when it’s on the table, practically humming when he starts to chew. “Nothing has ever tasted this good before.” Sapnap says, after he’s devoured most of his meal. It’s incredible how fast he eats, especially when he’s hungry.

“I have to disagree with you on that one.” Karl says, taking another sip from his milkshake. It looks and smells sweet from where he’s sitting. “This is amazing. You should try it,” Karl mumbles the last part, and the tone doesn’t catch on Sapnap’s ears.

“Okay.” Sapnap says, sliding over the leather seat. He’s bumping shoulders with Karl now, their arms joined and hands barely resting apart. The proximity doesn’t make him stop what he’s doing, and without a thought he takes a sip from the same straw. It’s really sweet, and somehow Sapnap expected Karl to be the type of boy to order something like this. It is good, but nothing’s better than a greasy burger when you’re starving. “Tastes good. What flavor is this?”

Dream is holding in laughter on the other side of the table. Sapnap isn’t quite sure what he’s trying not to laugh at, and he fixes him with a stare. Karl isn’t answering, so he scoots back away, and returns to picking at the remnants of his fries.

“Y-you, I- it’s strawberry cr-creme,” Karl stutters, avoiding eye contact with either of the men at the table. Sapnap nods, not seeing the raging flush on the other boy’s face. When he does look back up, he can see Karl is struggling with words, and looks distressed.

“Jacobs?” Sapnap says, leaning in his seat to try and find the boy’s eyes. “Are you okay?” He asks, barely seeing blush on his cheeks under that mop of brown hair. The strands peek out over his glasses, like sharp points. The red affecting his face makes Sapnap confused, shit . “Did I do something?”

Karl shakes his head, still avoiding eye contact. “No, no, no- you didn’t.” He mumbles. The flushed boy is hesitant to take another sip from the straw, but after a beat of staring at it furiously he does. Sapnap doesn’t get it, so he goes back to picking the last of the fries off of his plate. Dream has to excuse himself to the bathroom, and Sapnap can hear him wheeze just before he’s out of earshot. He’s oblivious to what could’ve gotten Karl so bothered, and why it was so funny to Dream. He turns to see the boy, and he’s staring furiously at his lap. Sapnap goes to ask what happened, but Karl cuts him off before he even gets to speak. “Um, sorry, my mom,” Karl laughs nervously. His voice still trembles. “I- I’ve gotta get going. I’ll see you in physics, yeah? Tell Dream I said bye!” and with that, Karl picks the rucksack up and leaves. Sapnap barely gets to mumble a farewell.

Maybe it was something about his old crush on Dream, Sapnap thinks. Karl did ask for a favor including Dream, so that was probably it. He couldn’t help but notice that the violet colored boy left behind some of his milkshake. Just as he started to think of him, Dream came back. He had a shitty grin on his face, but it faltered when he noticed Karl was nowhere to be found. He pushed his eyebrows in, tilting his head up to ask, ‘where’d he go?’

“Said he had to go after whatever the fuck happened. Told me to tell you goodbye though,” Sapnap explains, slightly passive. He didn’t know why he was upset at all in the first place, but he felt like he’d fucked something up. If you asked him what he has fucked up, he would probably mutter something like, ’ fuck, if I know.’

Dream nods, and they’re quiet for a few moments after Karl’s sudden absence. “You wanna get out of here?” He asks after leaving a tip on the table. When Sapnap nods in response, they both stand up, and he almost forgets his jacket. It’s secured on Sapnap’s frame when they get outside, and he can see his breath when it puffs out of his lungs.

“Fuckin’ cold for September.” Sapnap mutters, bundling up in his jacket again. It’s warm where the sleeves puff out, and his neck is buried in it like he’s containing it.

“I can already tell how warm it’s going to be in the house.” Dream groans, slamming the driver car door as he sits. His parents often adjusted the temperature to either overly cold or overly warm. It gets stuffy at night, Sapnap knows, and he groans too.

“I’ll fight her for the thermostat.” The bundled up boy says, baring his fist to the windshield. He is suddenly glad that Dream is such a good friend to him, even when he doesn’t deserve it, and that he can say things like that. He earns a wheezed giggle from Dream, and it’s one of his favorite sounds. Sapnap already knows what other sound is creeping up on the top of the list.

That night, as they both were snuggled into a huge comforter, Sapnap couldn’t stop thinking . Is it really normal for Karl to have such a reaction to… whatever it was that he did? He notices that Dream isn’t asleep yet either, and they’re both staring at opposite walls. There’s no words to be said, and Sapnap can’t tell if it’s a good silence or not. He can only tug the comforter around his shoulders tighter, trying to escape the growing unease he feels.

***

08/14/89

I forgot all my pens on my desk this morning, of all mornings. I finally got a new journal yesterday, after what happened to the last. Today was my first day of 11th grade, so I guess this goes to show the luck I’ll be in this year. But maybe it won’t be so bad, because number nine gave me one of his pens, and I didn’t even have to ask him. Number nine of the football team was nice to me, isn’t that crazy? I wonder if he’s friends with number three. If he is, this probably won’t end all that well. I guess I’ll find out soon enough, if he decides to talk to me again.

Update!!! We saw each other at the diner. I wonder if that place is special to them too. Dream was there (embarrassing but it’s nice to see him again) and I feel bad for leaving so abruptly. Too ambitious of me to try and flirt with a straight guy, because he slid right over and DRANK FROM MY STRAW. My brain exploded, I’m pretty sure the guts were on the table. I really hope he didn’t notice what happened, that was too much for me. Is this guy really even straight? (Maybe he’s just close to his friends. What?) (Who the hell says “s-strawberry creme”) (I want to die.)