If at First

As I stare across the sea of faces, a depressing gloom creeps over me.

What the hell am I doing here?

This is my first time coming to a work event like this. Elliot, my boss and the company’s CFO had suggested I should come along.

"A chance to network and hear about changes in the industry", he had said.

I noted he hadn’t asked anyone else in the department to join us. A small part of me wondered if Elliot was really thinking, that turning up with his 23 year old staff member to this stuffy thing would make him look like a bit of a hero to the rather nerdy contingent in attendance.

I have only been with this company a total of eight weeks and it has been a roller coaster. One of the hottest new tech companies in the market, the co-founders had just taken the company from their garage to a huge factory and office set up in the last 12 months.

Initially I was employed for the front desk. But when the accounts assistant left just a couple of weeks after I started, Elliot asked me if I was interested in coming up stairs to work in his department.

Despite my initial shock at being asked and deep reservations due to my zero percent experience, I eventually said yes.

'Fake it till you make it right?'

Sure, but to be honest they seem way more confident in my abilities than I am. But the money is better and the experience will be great on the CV.

As far as jobs go it's a pretty fun place to work. Most of the staff are under thirty and they certainly know how to have a good time. It’s pretty casual and for the most part people are super friendly.

The few over thirty’s are definitely like the adults supervising the kids on a playground most of the time. But the culture is innovative, and professional growth is strongly encouraged. Just look at me, from college grad to the executive floor in a couple of weeks.

So here I am on a Thursday night, in the city, in some dated conference room, listening to people (a little too enthusiastically if you ask me), waffling on about numbers and accounting jargon. I start to muse 'what if this was my future?'. Stuck in rooms like these! Was this really all I could expect five years from now?

“Mackenzie."

"Mackenzie”

Hearing my name I focus back to the present, to see a fifty year old slightly overweight, greying gentleman, leaning towards me with an expectant look on his face.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” I ask him, completely unaware at first how he even knows my name, before remembering that we have handwritten name tags stuck to our shirts.

“Did you study accountancy?” he politely asks me again.

A little giggle escapes my lips before I catch myself and respond with a sharp “no”.

He looks a little taken back and potentially insulted by my quick response and the fact I am pretty sure my face had just indicated that I would rather put pencils in my eyes. I use his stunned silence as an opportunity to look around for Elliot. Finding him in the crowd I excuse myself and head over ready to action my escape plan.

Thankfully I had already laid the groundwork, by explaining earlier in the day I had a prior commitment that meant I would need to leave by 8pm.

“Elliot, I think I had better head off now if I am going to make it in time to call in on that other event” I advise him, checking my watch as I say it, projecting the full effect of someone needing to leave.

“Where are you heading again?” he queries me.

I pause a half a second. Do I lie or do I just tell the truth? Given where I’m going it occurs to me I could get caught out if I lie so I make the impulsive decision to tell the truth.

“I promised Tyler I would call past the Operation departments, work drinks and check if he wanted a lift home”

“Ohh right, I had almost forgotten they were on tonight. I guess I should make an appearance too” he says now seemly preoccupied with making this a plan for himself. Although why he would feel the need to make an appearance is beyond me. I am pretty sure his absence was not being missed.

“Great, well I’ll see you there soon then” I quickly reply. Turning on my heel and heading for the exit without waiting for a response or stopping to say goodbye to anyone else.

Thank goodness we had taken our own cars to the event so I wouldn’t have to arrive with Elliot. Last thing I want is to have everyone think I brought him along with me. Elliot, while a nice guy can be a bit of a downer about anything fun and as the CFO people seem to see him as the party police.

Twenty minutes later, I’m standing at the door of what had once been one of my favourite restaurants as a child. Now it is a rather sadly themed cowboy bar. I guess Coyote Wild has some things to answer for in the pop culture of the 90’s. I take a moment to collect myself. I glimpse my reflection in the glass doors and sigh at the fact that my current attire is more boardroom than cowboy bar.

At 5’5’ I am not the tallest but the wedge heels I am wearing give me a boost. My hair has held up okay with a subtle curl still remaining through my blonde locks. Since I wear hardly any makeup anyway, I don’t feel the need to retouch it at all. I decide at the last minute to undo the top button of my blouse just to give it a more casual feel, although the pencil skirt is what it is. I try not to let my inner voice scare me into turning around and simply heading home.

I pull open the door and am immediately hit by the warm rush of air potent with the smell of cigarettes, beer and hay and the deafeningly loud sounds of the live band. Inhaling deeply I step inside and glance around searching for a familiar face.

Looking to my right I see a familiar mop of hair and seconds later, the hair goes up and I see the infectious smile of Tyler, our inventory manager and my closest friend at work so far. He sees me and waves, beckoning me over to where him and a group of our colleagues are standing around. As I approach I realise there are several faces I recognise and a couple I am not sure I have seen before. When I get to the group he sweeps me up in a huge hug and sets about introducing me to everyone.

“Everyone this is Mak” he yells over the crowd. He lists off a bunch of names, most of which I don’t hear over the music. I smile and nod, politely. Then indicate to Tyler I’m going to get a drink by pointing to the bar and making the classic drink hand movement.

Spotting an opening, I make my way across the crowded dance floor to the bar. Tyler follows close behind, as we lean on the bar, waiting to be served, he starts giving me the rundown of what I’ve missed.

Being relatively new, I don’t know that many people outside of the office side of the company. I wouldn’t have come tonight but Tyler insisted that I should. I really love being around him, he is smart, funny and genuinely caring of others. He has made me feel so welcome and really taken me under his wing.

As he chats away, naming people I can’t place, I can tell he has had a few drinks before I arrived. He is a little slurry and extra loud with his words, and I get nervous someone will hear him gossiping about the nearby work crew despite the loud music.

I glance around to see if anyone appears to be listening, as my gaze reaches to the end of the bar, I find myself looking straight into the most stunning blue eyes I have ever seen. It feels like they are absorbing me, trying to reach into my soul and hold it's hand.

After a few seconds I manage to expand my focus a little and realise that it’s more than just his eyes that are stunning. When I take a look at his face he is quite literally one of the most handsome men I have seen in real life. Short shaved hair, rugged stubble, and a smile that is picture perfect. Even though I know I’m blatantly staring, for some reason I just can’t look away and it seems like neither can he.