To Be Loved.

I never felt so nervous to wait for my husband to step through the door before. I paced back and forth as I wait for him to enter the door which should be any moment now. My palms are sweaty, my hair frizzes, and my heart feels like it can pop out of my chest any moment now. Any minute now, when my husband enters that door. I can tell him the good news. Any moment now.

The click and rattle of the doorknob caught my attention in an instant. My mind was boggling. "Welcome home honey!" I exclaimed, trying to put on that perfect wife attitude. His eyes met mine once he walked through the door, shutting the door behind him. "Sierra." He nods towards me and walks straight to the couch to sit down in his leather armchair.

I blinked a couple of times, trying not to curse at him under my breath. He always greets me that way, says my name, and nods, with no affection, no love, to show me he misses me while he was gone all day. Maybe I was expecting too much, he did just get home from a long shift at the office. Who was I, his wife, to constantly nag about not getting at least a kiss on the cheek?

I walked over to where he sat and stood right in front of him, of course, he didn't look up since he was too busy on his phone to realize my presence. "Honey, do you remember that job I applied to? The job to work at that designer company?" The mail from the designer company that I received this morning after I sent the kids off to school, crumpled in my hands as I nervously fiddle with it.

He turned off his phone and let out a heavy sigh as if he is about done with me talking about this company. "What about it?" He looked up at me with those greenish-blueish eyes I love so much. "Uhm, Yes! I uh got accepted! it came in today!" I quickly handed him the letter, and he took it and took a scan at it. I was waiting for him to smile at me with that bright smile of his and tell me how proud he is of me.

Except for that, he gave me a shake of his head with a frown attached. "It's in California, we're in Georgia. You denied them right?" He handed me back the paper. I took it from him and was so shocked that I couldn't process his reaction just yet. "Well no, I thought we could move there you know? And I thought it through I swear! Your job has a building in the area this company is in so you can ask for a transfer there since they've been needing help in California anyway right?"

His face did that thing where he looked so frustrated and confused at the same time. "Sierra, listen to yourself. You're trying to rearrange our lives for this stupid hobby you got going on temporarily. You won't be interested in this shit in a year down the road from here." His voice raised as he spoke and since I don't want him to destroy the house. Again. I had to de-escalate the situation by bringing the subject to something else. "Right, well, I understand honey.” I turned around and walked into the kitchen, placing the paper down on the countertop.

My eyesight started to blur out and my chest felt tight. Warm tears rolled down my cheeks. I thought he could do this for me, I thought it would be nice to move to a different place so we could experience new things. The kids wouldn't even mind moving either, it would've been perfect. I wiped my tears away with my hands and let out a shaky breath.

I have to keep it together, I can't let him get to me this way. I looked over the piece of mail again, I can't give up trying even if I have to push him into a corner. I straighten my posture and walked back into the living room, where my husband still sat on his leather armchair. “Honey, I think this opportunity is too good for me to just pass up, so I'm going to do it anyway.” I stood my ground, I had to let him know I don't need him all the time to decide things for me.

His eyes snapped up at me. This time he looked pissed at me. “I told you no, didn't I?” I rolled my eyes and stepped closer to him. Maybe he wasn't hearing me right. “Devon, I’m not doing this with you. I'm going to take this opportunity whether you like it or not. I'm taking the kids as well since you can't do this one sacrifice for me." He scoffed, putting his hand over his eyes. "Sierra.." he moved his hand away from his face and got up from the armchair. "Fine, we can move to California for a month, if you do well there then fine we can stay but if you end up fucking it up. We come back."

My eyes widen, I was surprised he was compromising with me instead of shutting me down completely like he usually does. "Well, then deal. You won't regret it devon." He walked up to me and slide his hand around my waist, pulling me closer to him. "Let's just see about that hm?" I looked up at him, inching closer to kiss him but he dodge it with no remorse. He stepped back and let me go. "I need to finish some work, let me know when dinner is ready." He walked past me and into the hall where his office is.

I stood there alone in the living room, my hand in the other. I felt so lonely, is it a phase for a married woman to feel so lonely in a marriage like this? Or is this how it's always going to be From now on?

Later on that day, the kids finally made it home from school. I have two daughters, Liana and Maria. Liana was the oldest. She was the eldest of them both. She looked similar to her dad with her eyes and smile. Liana is 10 years old, and she’s a social and friendly type for sure. Maria is the opposite of her older sister, she is 7 and loves to read or have me read to her. She has friends but is not as social as her sister. They both have similar traits and different ones. I'll do anything for them.

Maria was in the kitchen helping me cook tonight’s dinner which was the chicken pasta with garlic bread. While her sister liana finishes up her homework from school. “Maria you give me the pasta now.” Maria hurried over to me with the pasta boxes in her hand. “Here you go, mommy.”

I boop her nose and smile at her, honestly, my kids are the reason why I keep sane in my marriage. I hate to see my kids see me and their dad fight. I can't stand it to see them so sad. A couple of hours later, everything was ready for dinner and the table was set. “Liana, go tell your dad dinner is ready.” I made sure everything was placed on the table and nothing went missing.

All of us finally sat at the table and eat the pasta in silence for a moment before liana started to talk about school. “And! I told her that I get to at least eat one piece of her candy after I gave her a piece of my sandwich.” I nodded and chuckled at my daughter's constant blabbering. Devon just sat there eating, barely looking up only once or twice if his name was called.

I got used to it though, I believe this is just how he is but I knew this wasn't always him. A year ago, he would be laughing and smiling with us and cracking dad jokes. Now, it feels like he isn't even present with us anymore. “Honey, how was work?” He looked up from his phone and place it down on the table. “It was fine, a few new clients..” He picked at his last bits of food. “Oh well, that's nice, oh by the way Liana and Maria. I finally got that letter from California and me and your dad agreed that we could move there for a month to see how it goes.”

I smiled, barely keeping my happiness under control. Maria's eyes widened and she smiled big as well as Liana. “ we get to go to California?!” Maria said, her whole face lit up like a Christmas tree. Liana slam her fork down and stood up. “We have to get packing!!” I grabbed liana’s arm before she could run off. “Not yet, we might leave in a week or two.” I smiled at Liana and gestured for her to sit back down.

Devon coughed and stood up from the table. “I'm done here. I need to get back to work.” I looked up at him and nodded to him. “Alright honey, make sure you get to bed tonight.” He grabbed his plate and put it into the sink in the kitchen. I bit onto my bottom lip, every day feels the same but maybe this move to California can finally spice our lives for the best. “Okay, who wants to make cookies?!” the only way to put this off my mind is to have some fun with my girls.

They both stood from their chairs and grabbed their plates. “I'll race ya to the kitchen, Maria!” Liana bolted to the kitchen as Maria followed behind. I laughed and followed them with my plate in hand. “Now don't break those plates girls! Be careful!” Even if my husband won't support me as I expected I have the best little supporters and that's better than no one at all.

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A/N: Hello, I'm the author of this book and I hope you enjoyed this first chapter of ‘To Be Loved.’ please comment how you think about this so I can know your thoughts as well! Thank you!