We Will Never Let You Go...

When you daydream, where does your mind go? I dream of old and new worlds. I dream of love and lovers. I dream that I am powerful and not broken. I'm a queen and their toy. I dream of their eyes...They're always blue, then grey. I dream of being good, and then I dream that I turn bad... very bad. I dream of Death and the beginning of a new life.

I always wonder how I ended up here, who deemed it fit for my life to be this way! What did I do so badly that my karma became this empty?

I wake up to a reality that's less than perfect. I scroll every day on my phone looking for something, I don't know what...but I'm there. Dating Apps are a mess, I mean, what is it about me that attracts scammers or pervs online...I clearly stated what I wanted, what I needed, and yet these chancers flock to my profile. That's how I know there's something wrong going on in this world...because the good girls never win and they definitely finish last. To add to my heavy load, I don't look like a model or thick.

I don't drive that expensive car I want to drive; I don't know the name or model, so I will have to look it up later. "The complexity of the perpetual struggles of life. As my aunt would put it."

I am 36 years old and have none of the following to call my own: boyfriend/s, booty calls, friends with benefits, dog or cat, and no present or future prospects. I'm failing to take care of myself, including my health, because I've been taking care of everyone else for the past decade of my life, but it's worth it, right?

I had a long-term boyfriend since I was in college, and I practically did everything to please him...Sexually, too...but that all went to shit when I found out he was cheating on me with his best friend for months, maybe years, from what I heard. I fell for the we're just friends act. He would make me feel guilty and stupid if I called him out on it. It all made sense why he didn't want to commit to me once I found it. It honestly broke me; I now look in the mirror and don't even recognize myself anymore, and yes, I let myself go.

I counted on him to make me feel beautiful. His words and his actions, and once that stopped, and the news of the betrayal.

At this point, I am just existing and distracting myself with work, achieving my crazy goals one by one. He tries to reach out to me once in a while, but I cut him out of my life for good. He betrayed me...

I wake up on some nights sweating my ass off because I am anxious. I am scared to death that this life I am living is it. I want to scream and yell and hope someone hears me, that someone helps me, because I don't know how to help myself.

I have an average body with a height of 5.4 ft. I don't have time to work out because I'm either working long hours, running errands for me and or my family, or sleeping in. I don't have the time, nor can I afford to do anything else at the moment.

Some days it is hard to breathe, I cry myself to sleep, and pray for better days, hoping they come soon. I struggle with depression as well, nothing ‘feel good pills’ won’t solve it though.

On a lighter note, I always daydream about one day being whisked away on holiday by a Chris Hemsworth look-alike, who is at my beck and call, massaging my feet and back...Making me laugh and just enjoying my presence. For some reason, it always starts out as Chris massaging me lol.

I manage to keep one friend, my best friend, Cleo, who seems to always have it together, better than me anyway. I have an apartment I love with my whole heart. It took me 5 years to get it, it's one of the things in my life that actually worked out according to plan. I do have a car, nothing amazing, but it gets me where I need to go.

I was once told that there is a purpose for everything, my pain, my betrayal, and everything else we tend to go through. That I was right where I need to be, as long as I know I am doing the best with what I have been dealt with, then it’s all going to be all right.

Well, yeah, that's about it. I wanted to be real and tell you everything about me in order for you to understand that the events that followed after this was so surreal for me. I thought I was being punked. I never knew another world existed either than this one. A world where someone like me is a queen...the actual prize and is loved unconditionally. A world where I ruled. A world where I was confidence and sex appeal. Yes, you read that right.

This is how my crazy story starts...

I wake up in a daze, forgetting where I am. Shit! That's what usually happens to me when I sleep late. I slept at 3 a.m., trying to finish my weekly prep posts for next week. You know how this social media life is, you've got to be a few steps ahead to get noticed.

I walk half asleep to the shower, which always wakes me up. I have to get ready for work. I am an Account Executive at a Tech Startup Company. The job is very demanding. You have to do every task there is to do. All hands on deck. I'm learning a lot, but don't plan to stay long. I have bigger goals and plans for my own company. I just need a cash injection, and that's where this job comes in.

I get out of the shower feeling better and awake. I comb my hair into a bun; it's quick and efficient. I decided to wear a white loose-flowing top, leggings, and put on my sneakers, they are so comfy! I have heels in the car, in case my clients come into the office for meetings.

I take my shake maker and some fruits and take my ass to work pronto.

I get to work on time, and guess what! The boss bought us Krispy Kreme donuts... Oh, Fudge knuckles, just what I need, a delicious temptation. I take two donuts... Judge me all you want. I ignore my diet in the trash thoughts. I can always revert back to it tomorrow, no harm done.

My boss notified us via chat that we will be having a 30-minute meeting in 5 minutes. I rush to the boardroom and find everyone sitting and making themselves comfortable. I wink (saying hi) to Preston.

Preston is both my brother and sister, all wrapped up into one hell of a hunk. He's a tall glass of milk, pity he's gay. I've told him countless times about how I could turn him straight, and it always ends with him laughing at me endlessly. He is built like a brick house, and honey, I would climb that mountain if I had a chance. He's one of the people who brings out the old me.

In all honesty, he is really a wonderful man with a good heart. When I started this job, he was the only one who saw my potential when nobody did and took a risk on me, for that, I owe him big time. I wouldn't have a High Networth Client List as I do now. Some of the top clients in our industry are mine, and it's all because of my darling Preston.

I remember him telling our boss that he should never judge a book by its cover, because I didn't have the look, didn't mean I don't have the skill set for this job. I ended up blowing them away in my first week.

Preston winks back at me, licking his lips in a very pervy way, and I chuckle loudly, grabbing the attention of everyone, including my boss.

Oh no, he does not look thrilled at all. I am in trouble now.

"Minah! So glad you could join us, would you like to tell us what's so funny?"

" I am so sorry, sir! Nothing, nothing at all. Please continue with the meeting."

"It can't be nothing Minah, you grabbed all of our attention, so I insist on you sharing the joke, or am I the joke?"

My heart starts to drop, everyone is looking at me expectantly, and no words seem to form in my mind. I start to stutter out incoherent words, hoping a hole opens up anywhere for me to jump into it. My boss has had it out for me after I proved him wrong in front of one of our most important clients.

''Um... Sir, see...the thing is...''

"Minah, don't annoy me! We do not have all day! I promise the next time you pull something like this, I'm going to--"

Out of nowhere, I hear a voice that's deep, intimidating, powerful, and sexy as hell all at the same time.

''You're going to do what, George? Fire her?''

"..."

My boss George now looks exactly how I look, gobsmacked and looking for his own whole to jump into.

We all turn to look by the door, and standing there is this delicious specimen...Godlike man. He looks all around, and his eyes stop right where I am. I see him flinch and sniff the air; from another direction, it may look like him sighing. I see his eyes turn bright yellow, or is it gold...I don't know. He smiles, showing his beautiful white teeth, and nods as if to greet everyone. His eyes stay on me, and I feel them moving all over me.

My body starts to heat up, and this big boardroom starts to feel small. I can't breathe...What the hell is happening to me?

I quickly look away and tell myself I must be seeing and feeling things, and all this is in my head on account of my nerves. And as for his eyes, the sun must be shining on them. I look back at him, and his eyes are a normal brown color.

"Mr. Kent, apologies, I did not see you there! Please, please join us. I was only reprimanding Minah as she interrupted an important part of the meeting. Surely you can understand how important this meeting is..."

Mr. Kent-ilicious folds his arms, showing off his tattoos through the white, tight, might I add, sleeved shirt. I licked my lips involuntarily and hoped he did not see me. I sure would like to cut that cake and keep him the next day for leftovers.

Wait a minute...Why did I think that?

″Surely my eyes are not deceiving me, but Ms. Minah does not look like a child that needs to be reprimanded, does she, George? A chuckle never hurt anyone, did it? Please leave Ms. alone and proceed before I start reprimanding you.″

Oh, is Mr. Kent defending me? Or should I say defending my honor...I think I am in love. Dude has a bit of an accent, and I like it a lot. He walks in, taking long strides in my direction. The first thing that hits me is the way he smells. It’s almost enchanting, it’s so intoxicating that I take a literal breath in. He smells like Jasmine and Vanilla, two of my favorite things. I don’t know how, but I swear I could feel him all over me.

As I breathe out, I hear him purr just as he passes by me. I really must be out of my element today because I am literally hearing and seeing weird things. He sits at the end of the boardroom table, sits straight, and puts his hands together on the table.

At this time, everyone is quiet; we are all in awe of such a man whom we have never seen before. He has a friendly face, but his tattoos give him an edge, and boy, do I like it. You can tell he’s used to this type of attention. He feels us all looking at him, and he’s not shaken. I wonder how it feels to hold such power in a room full of strangers. He makes a gesture for George to proceed, and just like that, the meeting continues.

This time, I focused on the meeting because I really don’t want to get into trouble again. Mr. Kent does not look like the type you want to mess with. I feel one of my colleagues nudging me, and I ignore them, not falling into that trap. She nudges harder, I whisper scream WHAT! She quickly shoves a note in my hand.

I nod, annoyed in a way to say thanks and open the note.

It read as follows:

Ms. Minah

I truly hope you can forgive me for my tardiness, but will you please stay behind after the meeting? I really must speak with you. I promise not to take up much of your time after.

Yours Truly

Kent

Oh, SNAP, CRACKLE, AND POP...