All Grown Up

The lively sound of Seoul was hollering with cars honking and people conversing as you rushed towards the restaurant. You checked your phone and saw you were thirty minutes late. You tried everything in your power to leave work early, but your boss was hounding you to finish the last pages before you could go. The thought of your mom scolding you made you cringe, knowing she’d let you have it, even if it was in front of everyone you knew.

It was the dreaded ten-year family reunion. Something you’d wish your mom would stop doing. And why would it be such an unpleasant festivity to attend?

Well, one, the recent breakup with your boyfriend/fiancé, U-jin, of six years. You knew no one would let it slide without asking what happened. Everyone speculated, of course, but you’d never give them the satisfaction of knowing the whole story—no one needed to know except you.

Two, everyone would try to set you up with someone they knew. May it be a family friend’s son, a co-worker’s son, a friend of a friend’s son, etc. The endless blind dates with boring men who weren’t remotely interested, no thanks. You are more than capable of getting your own date, hopefully. Though you found it as you were getting older, it was harder to make friends - let alone go on dates again. The sheer horror of going to all the small talk to maybe get to the nitty gritty of a relationship was the worst - you hated it so much.

And three, it was the same conversation, ”When are you getting married? You’re getting old. You need to have kids soon“. You were only 33 years old, for fucks sake. Why all the fuss over when you would get married and have kids? Many people you knew were getting married and having kids later in life. It’s not like you were dying to have your mother hover over you with a newborn baby in your arms. You could already imagine the things she’d say to you as a new mom, all the unsolicited advice thrown your way. And your mother being a grandmother? She’d probably love her grandchild more than she loved you.

You stopped and took a deep breath before pushing the door open. The bell chimed, announcing your arrival. The top of someone’s head popped up from behind the partition, bobbing up and down to see who walked in. It was your mom waving at you to hurry.

As you reached the table where relatives and family friends were sitting, you bowed politely, greeting everyone and apologizing for your lateness. You finally made your way to one of the two empty chairs at the end. You quietly settled in, trying not to interrupt the ongoing conversations.

There was a piece of stray hair stuck to the gloss painted on your lips; annoyed, you moved it out of the way. You could see your mom trying to get your attention across the table as you tried to take a sip of the hot barley tea. Could she let you have a moment of peace before scolding you?

You mouthed a ”What?” to her.

“What took you so long?!” She whisper-yelled across the table, turning the attention of a few relatives. She tried to hide her anger behind a smile as she looked around.

You smiled politely towards the ones paying attention and answered your mom, ”I was stuck at work.” You explained, gritting through your teeth the entire time.

“Then you should have known to try and get out of whatever it was. You know how important this dinner is,” she scoffed and went back to the conversation she was having.

Typical mom response. You wouldn’t have expected anything else from her. You’d think since you were her only child, she’d love you a little bit more. And how was this dinner important? It was an event to make your mom feel essential and needed. You saw it as a coping mechanism for her after your dad passed away when you were sixteen. You missed him too, but there were other ways instead of hosting events like this.

A friend of the family, Sung-ho, started chatting with you. He was around your age, a bit socially awkward since you’ve known him, and you figured he had a crush on you for a long time. He’d always chat you at other family functions, but you had no interest in him whatsoever. He was the type of guy that wouldn’t make a move or say anything of intelligence. And before U-jin, your mom strongly hinted that you should go on a date with him. You told her you’d rather marry a rat than have to sit through a date with him.

“Hey....so, how are you?” The inflection in his tone shot up asking such a simple question.

Why was he so nervous? He was just asking how you were. You didn’t want to engage in this conversation, but you figured you should be nice, “I’m okay...” Again, trying not to further this amazing chit-chat, you didn’t ask him how he was doing.

“I...heard about U-jin. I’m sorry about that,” he stuttered with shaky hands as he held his shot glass.

Dude? Him too? Was he curious if he had a chance with you or something? Because that would be out of the question. He wasn’t close to being your type. He looked like the guy who never left his apartment; maybe he never even moved out of his mother’s house. You loved his mom but cringed at the idea. You chuckled to yourself and wondered if your presence made him nervous or if that was just how he was. The sweat dripping down his temple could be a good indicator of your suspicion. You sat there staring at him struggling to pour the soju into his glass, almost feeling bad and wanting to help him.

“Oh yeah...thanks, I guess.”

Sung-ho cleared his throat, “If you ever want to hang-”

Out of nowhere, Sung-ho was interrupted. You glanced up from Sung-ho to see a handsome young man with a shy, timid smile. You guessed that his blonde highlighted hair tousled from the wind, his houndstooth coat, dress shirt, and tie a bit crooked from all the running.

“Forgive me; I’m sorry I’m late,” he said, trying to catch his breath.

Your mom squealed when she saw him, “Look who it is! Look who’s back! Our successful and handsome Jungkookie.”

He still had the same shy smile and head tilt that would show up whenever he received a compliment.

It had been a few years since you last saw Jungkook. His older sister, Yuna, and you were best friends throughout your life, but an image of a young, shy, quiet, and sometimes bratty boy was something you’d always pictured. After seeing him today, he wasn’t that little boy. He had grown up into this dashing young man - man. His jawline was chiseled and defined, his shoulders broad, biceps bulging, but he still had those big, innocent glistening brown doe eyes. You figured some things never changed.

“I tried to leave early from work, but I was hit by traffic on the way here.”

“Aw, that’s okay. I’ll forgive you if you promise to come over so I can give you some side dishes and a home-cooked meal.” She grinned merrily.

Your eyes widened, and jaw dropped, and anger ensued within you. Of course, she would scold you but not her precious Jungkookie. You questioned what made her favor Yuna and Jungkook over you as you were growing up. Something never quite fit.

“Mom-I just told you the same thing.”

He smiled shyly, “Ah, of course, I’ll come over.”

Your mother shushed you. “Jungkookie, sit down, sit down. Here, have some tea!” She reached over you and poured tea in his cup, bumping into you.

You sighed, wondering what you could do to win her over.

He pulled out the empty chair across from you; his eyes perked up when he noticed you were sitting across from him. He mouthed a Hi. You sent him a half smile, mouthing the same thing.

As the night continued, you sank into your chair as the obnoxiously loud conversations continued. The clinking of glasses and the laughter of family and friends filled the room. You quietly sat there pushing around your food and taking shots from the bottle of sweet grapefruit soju, attempting not to let the side-eyes and whispers get to you.

Sung-ho struggled to keep the conversation going because your answers were short and vague, clearly uninterested and wanting to keep to yourself, but he couldn’t take a hint. Jungkook watched the whole thing with Sung-ho go down. He chuckled to himself and shook his head as he downed the shot of soju in front of him. He thought about rescuing you from Sung-ho but decided against it. He’d let you suffer a little bit longer before coming in to save the day like the handsome prince that he was.

“Are you working on any new projects?” Sung-ho asked, this time without hesitation or fear in his voice. Maybe the alcohol was boosting his confidence.

You smiled sheepishly, “Oh, yep. I’m currently in the middle of filming a new show, and then I have another project lined up after that.”

Please, please, please stop talking. Your soul is pleading and lamenting, ultimately being tortured by this man who was oblivious to your body language cues and inattentive attitude. You were going to need way more soju to continue this dull conversation.

He continued to bore you with more small talk. He went on and on about his new rock collection that you couldn’t give two shits about. You sighed and rubbed the bridge of your nose and was going to grab the last green bottle when Jungkook’s hands got to it first. He gestured to fill your glass, and you obliged. He served his and you both clinked your glasses together before taking another shot.

“Noona, how are you? I heard you’re engaged. Congratulations.” He smiled sweetly, even though he didn’t like the guy, thought you could do better. He assumed it was the same guy you’ve been with for a while now.

Finally, some other interaction besides ‘Sung-ho: the rock collector.’ You were glad Jungkook interrupted your sad and dull conversation but not particularly glad about the topic he chose. If only you could take a shot whenever someone asked about the engagement. You’d probably be passed out on the floor.

“WAS. WAS engaged.” Your mom chimed in before you could even answer Jungkook’s question.

How did she hear from so far away? Was her hearing heightened by alcohol or something? You let out a loud sigh and rolled your eyes. Here we go again. “Mom...Can you not right now? This isn’t the time and place for that. There are too many people around.”

Your mom was drunk and when she had too much alcohol, she was louder and more honest than she usually was. She was never going to let this conversation go; even if you explained to her what happened, she would find some way to blame you. U-jin visited a few times, but you didn’t think he won her over with his charm. He was pleasant towards your mother, but they weren’t best friends planning the next getaway vacation together.

“I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but I’m pretty sure you could get him back.” She grimaced to let out a hiccup. ”Yah! You should try to get him back. I’ll call him now.”

She reached for her phone, and you darted across the table to stop her. Those around you were taken aback by your sudden action. You tried to play it cool, but there was no dignity left to save. You wanted to melt away into a deep, dark abyss at this exact moment. This was humiliating and embarrassing. Was it your fault that he cheated? Did you not love him enough? Were you both at fault? Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.

You should have seen the signs of him cheating, but you were busy stressing over this new show production you’ve been working tirelessly on. Sure, you could have carved out more time for him, though he could have done the same. It takes two people for a relationship to work. You weren’t the only one to blame.

She brushed you off and continued with her conversation. You sat with your arms crossed, grinning through your teeth to those around you. Jungkook could see the frustration and embarrassment hidden behind the fake smile. For now, he decided he wouldn’t ask about what happened with you and U-jin.

At last, the long-dreaded dinner was ending and you couldn’t be more relieved. You were the first to get up and head towards the door, trying to avoid any last-minute conversations and awkward questions.

You said your goodbyes as you stood outside of the restaurant. A notification buzzed through your phone. It was a text from Yuna.

Yuna 8:30 PM

I hope you had fun tonight and weren’t too bombarded with questions about U-jin.

Lucky bitch. You thought to yourself as you read her text. She had the best excuse. She was getting engaged to her boyfriend, now fiancé. Namjoon had been planning it for months. That’s the only reason why your mom let her get away with not attending the family reunion.

You didn’t bother to text her back. Of course, you were happy for her. The two of you always talked about your dream weddings, only this time, you’d be helping her plan. You guys joked about doing a double wedding and, later on, even trying to get pregnant around the same time. Stupid dreams. They’re nothing but that.

“I hate it here.” You sighed while stuffing your phone in your bag.

“It can’t be that bad, can it?” A familiar voice chimed in behind you.

You slightly jumped back at the sound of his voice and held onto your chest. “Oh, shi--you scared me.”

He took you by surprise as he came up from behind and stood next to you. You noticed that he had grown a lot taller, worked out a bit, and his skin cleared up immensely, though you could still see that scar on his cheek peeking through. You noticed the tattoos peering out from under his sleeves earlier during dinner. He thought he was slick trying to hide it, but you saw it; they’re kind of hard to miss. Funny how someone can change drastically within a few years.

He smirked as he glanced over at you; the hint of confidence looked good on him, you had to admit. “Noona, are you checking me out?” He said with a smug smile.

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. “You’re so full of yourself; you know that Jungkookie? When did you get so cocky?” You couldn’t stop yourself without needing to slap his arm. Shit, hitting it hurt. How often did he work out? And you were not checking him out; you were merely inspecting this new and highly improved Jungkook.

“You just wanted to feel my biceps, huh? Here.” He took his arm out of his jacket sleeve and leaned over, sticking his arm out, flexing so you could feel them.

You grabbed your bag and lifted it to hit him, but he dodged you and cackled. “Oh, shut up. You’re so annoying.”

“Noona, I’m kidding...but dinner wasn’t that bad, was it?” He asked, stuffing his hands into his jacket pocket. There was a mild wind chill blowing through Seoul tonight; you wished you had brought a heavier coat.

“Easy for you to say. Your whole life isn’t being talked about to the entire family.”

He stepped closer towards you, his arms nudging against yours, and whispered. “You’re right. It was awful but slightly entertaining to watch.” He said, softly chuckling.

You purse your lips and remember that bratty Jungkook still existed in that big muscular tattooed body.

“So...did he dump you?” He asked casually, trying not to pry but also very curious why you two weren’t together.

Goodness, the audacity of this gen-z kid. Going abroad must have given him some balls to be so forward. You’d give up your mom to kick him in the shin right now. “Bold of you to assume I got dumped.”

You stood there, arms crossed, seemingly annoyed by his question. Was it written all over your face or something? Was it tattooed on your forehead, ‘Just got dumped’? You might as well have carried a sign promoting a new single you. Maybe that would help get you a new boyfriend.

He cocked his eyebrow, “I suppose I’m getting feisty Noona tonight.” He let out a little roar and pawed towards you.

A stifled chuckle left your mouth. This bickering and sass reminded you of the times you fought at his house. He was always witty with his replies; even as a 24-year-old, this part of him didn’t change. You missed it, actually.

“I’m never not feisty...and let’s just say it was mutual.”

He acknowledged with a nod.

“Actually, no, I’m not going to be nice. He cheated on me.” You huffed with all the angst and hatred in your voice. U-jin didn’t deserve you saving him from his shitty choices. He dug his own grave.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Noona. It sounds like he’s an asshole. Is this the guy I remember you being with a few years ago? The guy who couldn’t make it to your anniversary date?”

“You still remember that? Yeah...that’s him.”

His memory was astounding. You couldn’t believe he remembered that tiny detail. He probably thought you looked pretty pathetic right now. Sulking, feel sorry for yourself, over stupid U-jin, who wasn’t even worth your time.

“I’m surprised you were still with him. I thought you would have dumped his ass after that.”

You shrugged, unsure why you were still with him for so long. The romance between the two of you was gone for quite some time. “I don’t know. Maybe I was dumb or desperate, or both.”

He shook his head, “I wouldn’t say you’re any of that.”

“Thanks, Kookie.” He was always sweet with you even when you weren’t the good Noona you should be.

He grinned at the nickname you uttered. He didn’t like it at first because it seemed childish, but it started to grow on him whenever you mentioned your ‘Kookie.’

“I should have known, or maybe I just didn’t want to see it. Now I look back, he was doing stupid, sneaky shit.” Maybe you didn’t want to acknowledge his late nights at work, multiple weekend work trips, or the endless amounts of texts he’d receive. Perhaps a part of you was done with him, and you didn’t want to be the first to break it off. Maybe you stayed for comfort and routine.

You stood there looking helpless and defeated; he hated seeing you like that. It wasn’t the first time he saw disappointment on your face. He’d seen it many times before.

“Can I give you a hug?” He asked as he stretched out his arms, knowing you’d probably reject it. It was worth a shot.

“Why? Do I look desperate and sad?” And you probably did, to be honest. This reunion dinner didn’t help, especially with your mother.

“Kinda...” He let out a small chuckle. “No, you don’t...Can’t I give my Noona a hug? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

My Noona. Ha. You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, I guess.” It was more of a side-hug than a bear hug, but you appreciated the gesture. It was sweet. You did need a hug after this shitty dinner and break-up.

“Just...don’t cry, though because I don’t know what to do when you cry.”

“Why’d you have to ruin the moment for?... Dummy.” You chuckled, smacking him upside the head as you pulled away.

“I don’t understand why someone would cheat. Especially with someone like you, you’re perfect.”

You laughed. “Perfect?” You were hardly perfect, more broken and imperfect than anything.

He turned to look in your eyes, giving you that bunny smile, “Mm.”

“If I’m so perfect, then he wouldn’t have cheated. He would have kept his dick in his pants. The girl he was with was barely legal. We were together for six years, Kook. Six years." You quieted down after getting worked up. An ache started deep in your stomach, and your throat began to clam up. You turned away as your eyes began to tear up.

U-jin wasn’t perfect, and neither were you, but there was a spark and chemistry in the beginning. You just wondered when it all stopped being so magical.

Jungkook bit his bottom lip, feeling bad for asking you about U-jin. He gently pinched your arm, getting you to turn to him. Your eyes avoid his, wiping a tear trying to escape down your cheek.

He leaned in, rubbing your arms. “Yah--I told you not to cry.” He said half-jokingly. He hated when women cried. He was never sure what to do with himself.

You sniffled, still avoiding any eye contact. “I’m not crying. I don’t know how water got in my eyes.” You chuckled. “I’m fine. I promise.”

“Maybe you should be with a younger guy. I don’t know...have some fun.” After saying it, he realized it was a dumb thing to say to you at this moment. It sort of came out on its own.

“Me? With a younger guy? Nah, they’re so immature these days. Could you imagine me dating someone barely old enough to drink?” The thought made you chuckle, but you probably wouldn’t date someone that young, maybe a year or two. How would you even find someone that young who would be interested? Tinder? Bumble?

“Noona, there’s nothing wrong with dating someone younger than you.”

“I know, but there’s such a stigma around women dating younger men. No one would bat an eye if it was an older man dating a younger woman. And where would I even meet someone? It’s not like I go out to bars or use dating apps.” You haven’t been in the dating game for so long; you weren’t sure if you remembered how to flirt. The thought of having to date again made you want to throw up. Again, you didn’t want to go through the whole ‘getting to know someone’ stage.

He shrugged nonchalantly. “Who cares what people think? You can’t help who you like, and there are plenty of ways to meet someone.”

It’s an option if you just wanted to have fun but weren’t ready to date. Maybe not for a long time. You needed time to recover first.

“So, should I go beat this guy up? Key his car? Spread rumors that he has STDs?” He teased, wiggling his eyebrows in delight.

You laughed at the thought of Jungkook doing all those things. It would be satisfying to see his ass beat up by Jungkook, him waking up and his car being keyed, or imagining the new person he dates finds out he had ‘STDs.’

“All those sound like fantastic ideas, but I can’t be seen doing that.”

“What? Why not? Revenge doesn’t have an age limit.” He said with an amused grin.

“It feels petty, and I’m old. I’m supposed to be married and have kids. I’m supposed to have my shit together, but here I am standing and talking to my best friend’s successful little brother.” And there you were, having a pity party for yourself, again. It was embarrassing, especially in front of Jungkook. You wanted to be the ‘cool, older Noona’ he could look up to. Instead you stood there vulnerable, dumped, and on the rebound.

He turned towards you and grabbed your shoulders. “Quit it with the ‘you being old’ bit.”

“It’s true, though! I eat dinner at five and I’m ready for bed by 9, my back hurts, I don’t go out late, the list goes on...”

“Noona, repeat after me.” He said as he looked intensely into your eyes.

You purse your lips in aggravation. “Do I have to?” You whined and stomped your feet, acting like a toddler who didn’t get the toy they wanted. So much for you being a ‘cool, older Noona’; you were anything but that right now.

“Yep.” He said with a perky smile, which turned into a giggle.

“I, and then please state your name.”

You stood there helplessly staring into his big brown eyes as he rubbed up and down your arms.

“We’re not leaving until you repeat after me.”

Your brows furrowed as you let out a big sigh. “Fine. I, please state your name.” You laughed at the stupid comment you made.

“Noona!”

“Okay, okay. I, Y/n.”

“Promise not to put myself down.”

You muttered the phrase. “Promise not to put me down.”

“I can’t hear you.” He said in a sweet singsong voice.

God, you forgot how annoying he could be. Cute, but annoying. You knew he wouldn’t let this go until you repeated after him.

Your voice became louder to annoy him. “PROMISE NOT TO PUT MYSELF DOWN.”

“Now that’s the spirit! Let’s keep going. ‘And to stop comparing myself to others around me.’”

“And to stop comparing myself to others around me.” Again, you repeated in a dragging voice, annoyed that this 24-year-old had to give you a fucking pep talk.

A gigantic grin spread across his face, “Do you feel better now?”

You shrugged, “No, not really. You’re still young and handsome. You’re successful, and you’re only 24. You have your whole life ahead of you. Can you leave me alone so I can wallow in my sappy little life? I want to go home, eat ice cream, and watch Netflix.”

“And no, I cannot let you do that. Also, I’m more than happy to join in on ice cream and Netflix if you’ll have company.”

“You know you’re always invited, right?” And he was. You liked hanging out with Jungkook. It was nice to have his familiar face around again. It had been too long since you last saw him.

He gasped loudly, “But Noona...” He paused for a moment. “You think I’m handsome?” He stood tall with his shoulders back, puffing out his chest like a gorilla on a hunt for his mate.

“Well, the rest of your body finally caught up to your nose.” You booped his nose and scrunched yours while smiling.

“Yah! I forgot how annoying you are.”

“Me? I’m annoying?! What about you?”

“Noona, you’re lucky; you’re older. Otherwise-”

“Otherwise, what?” You said as you taunted him. Then you broke through his embrace and stuck out your tongue playfully.

A blank stare took over his face. It looked like he was about ready to devour you whole as he began scrunching up his coat sleeves and craning to crack his neck and knuckles. “I’m going to count to three.”

Your smile began to dwindle, “What? Why?”

“So that you can run for your life. I’m giving you a head start; go ahead.”

You sprinted away from him as fast as you could, but he quickly caught up to you. Stupid heels. They were so uncomfortable.

“No one gets to make fun of my nose. So prepare to die.” He teased in his deep Satoori accent.

You began backing up, gradually taking off your heels. You could see him removing his tie and getting ready to race toward you. You squealed playfully as he began to chase you to a nearby park. You tried to dodge him by running behind the slides and pushing swings at him, but it wasn’t working. Freaking 24-year-olds were fast.

“Okay, Jungkook, I give up. I’m waving my white flag.” You heaved, holding onto the big rock you were hiding behind. Unbeknownst to him, you had a water bottle ready in hand to use.

From a distance, he yelled, “Noona, are you lying? You were always a bad liar.”

You echoed back, “I promise I’m giving up. See, I’m raising my hands in the air right now.”

He peeked from behind the slide to see your hands in the air. “Okay, I’ll come out on the count of three.”

“Okay!” You yelled back at him.

Jungkook began counting, “One....two....three-”

You jumped out, ready to douse him with water, but he was nowhere to be found. “Jungkook?”

“I told you, you were a bad liar.” He came from behind and tried to grab the water bottle from your hand, but you both were holding on for dear life, wrestling, laughing, and trying to get each other.

“Ah! Okay okay. I’m done! Here. See the bottle? I’m putting it down and stepping away from it.”

You stepped away slowly, the both of you watching the bottle. You stopped until you and Jungkook were the same distance from it. You stood facing each other like two cowboys ready to draw their guns. Then he quickly ran for the bottle, and you took off in the opposite direction.

Jungkook cried, “YAH!!”