Chapter One: Escape
Escape. Escape. Escape. Escape.
For the past few weeks, this word has been stuck in my head like a cringeworthy, yet catchy ad on the telly. I knew I had been overworking myself as of late but had no idea it had gotten so bad that even my subconscious was telling me to ‘escape’. I mean, where do I go? What do I do? I haven’t had a shred of time to myself since I got this job, five years ago. I love my work. Apart from the hundred and twenty grand paychecks, I enjoy writing for the Sunshine Herald. It allows me to, for lack of a better word, ‘escape’ my problems. Whenever I was writing an article I would have nothing else on my mind until it was done and that’s exactly how I like it.
I enjoyed the freedom I had as a writer until my work life and my personal life got jumbled up. Why did I think I could ever escape them? Why do my parents always do this to me? I finally have a career that I have always dreamed of and would not trade, for anything in the world, yet here they are throwing a bag of shit right on to it and setting it ablaze, just like how they’ve always done my entire life. They always had to ruin everything for me, all because my little sister, the golden child, was a useless piece of shit that can’t even comprehend how to make a cup of noodles. Like, how many times do you have to fucking burn it in the microwave before you realise it needs fucking water in it!
I can’t believe them. I have had enough. They’ve tracked me down, halfway across the country, just to try and force me to help my sister, again! The prissy princess can’t get a job for herself, i wonder fucking why! Lord, I pray to you to give me strength to not explode and cause a scene. I still can not believe they showed up to my workplace, again! I walked up to them waiting in the reception area, right next to the reception desk. I am so over it that I don’t even say ‘Hi’. Any respect or love I had for them flew out the window when they booted me from, ‘their’ home, as they put it as soon as it was legal for them to do so.
“I don’t care who you guys are or why you’re here. You love to talk about family, yet you abandoned me my entire childhood. You forced me to do extracurriculars with Gene and every time she saw I was a natural and wanted to quit, you let her. You even pulled me out without even asking what I wanted. So why would you think you have any right to ask me for any favours?“. Before they could respond I walked off. I didn’t even want to hear the excuses they’ve, probably compiled on the drive here. I could feel my exhaustion cave in and the irritation of them bothering me over took.
I turned back to them and without holding back threw everything they ever did to me in their faces. I ensured Kat, the receptionist overheard everything. Guess I wanted to cause a scene after all. Finally done with my piece, I told them to kindly fuck off and to never contact me again unless it was to apologise and make up for all the things they had done to me. When I got back to my desk, Pete had left me a message letting me know that he had already made dinner. He was such a sweetheart, but good God was he a pushover. My emotions were starting to take control of me and I could feel my temperature rising and I knew that I was about to blow my top. Taking small, shaky sips of water I managed to gain my composure and calm.
I couldn’t go home to Pete. I couldn’t go home period. I needed to leave here. This entire place. The place my childhood trauma found me. I no longer felt safe. This was no longer my sanctuary. I had to ESCAPE. Without hesitating, I ran back to my desk. Wrote up my resignation and asked for a recommendation. That was it. It was time for me to up and leave this all behind me and start afresh. There was no way they were going to be able to find me. I will make sure of it.
After finishing my day at work, I headed to the Gov Service to get my papers sorted for a name change. It was finally happening. I have no idea why I did not do this sooner, it was probably the empathy that I had developed that made me continue to have hope in my parents. I thought after 10 years, they would have come to their senses and realised what they had done. That I wasn’t the black sheeo they claimed I was, but that I was just unloved and neglected. I thought they would have been here to apologise and not baby a fucking twenty-year-old. Guess it’s my fault, I should’ve known. I shouldn’t have wasted my time thinking they were going to change. I mean they kicked me out at 16, I was barely legal. As soon as the government payments stopped coming in for me I was no longer useful to them. Then again, why did I ever think that they had love for me? They showed me daily that they didn’t. That I was just a burden to them.
God. I can’t believe I was such an idiot to think they would change. I was so lost in my thoughts that I had completely forgotten the form I was filling out. When I snapped back I looked down at the mess I had created. Giving an exasperated sigh, I grabbed a fresh form and left. Making my way home, I was practicing how to tell Pete it was over. Oh, Pete. The only person that ever stood by me these past couple of years. We met at a work function and just hit it off. It’s been Pete and I ever since, but I knew deep down that I was not ready to settle. How do I tell a man, that you don’t see a future with him? I felt awful as I pulled into our parking spot. Taking a deep breath I grabbed my things out of the car and made my way in.
“Hey Pete, I’m home. We really need to talk,” I shouted into the house as I entered. Okay, this is it. I’m going to have to come out and say it before I lose the courage to do so.
