Chapter 1 - Brooding
“Chilly”, Bianca thought. She closed her eyes and imagined the “y” dropping, disappearing. Melting away. What was left was just ‘chill’. One letter could change everything. Hypothetically.
She did try, she honestly tried so hard. To just chill. Re-frigging-lax. She was sitting on a new sofa in a new house, up in the mountains. HER house. That was supposed to be THEIRS. Having a hard time with the “chill” mantra, Bianca shook her head violently and opened her eyes to concentrate on the things around her. Be in the moment. Be mindful. All that. Just chill.
She looked around. All the curved furniture selected to appeal to that modern soft-line approach she so adored. Blue, brown, green. She was an ‘earthy’ person. All her interior designer ambitions - at that, Bianca smiled, the corner of her mouth twitching. All her heart. She has invested so much in this house. Her one big dream. Technically, it came true. But with a huge drawback. Strangely, she blocked out all the arguing, his face, the drama. All she could remember was his ugly yellow suitcase rolling away, and the funny, squeaky sound the yellow wheels made. She wasn’t a fan of yellow.
“Just chill,” Bianca stopped herself mid-thought. She got up abruptly and went down to the kitchen to put the kettle on and make an umpteen pot of tea. Tea didn’t help much with the cold emptiness inside. She continued her attempts to stay in the moment and concentrated on staring out of the window. It was getting dark. One room in the house opposite hers was lit up already. In the light streaming through the curtains Bianca could make out a neat backyard garden. They did love their plants, that couple from across the street.
Bianca met them a week ago. Ran into them outside while trying to stay in the moment and get her car to run errands. They were both carrying house plants and were so careful as if the pots were their twin babies. Bianca hurried to help with the door and got invited inside for a glass of wine. Boy, did they have A LOT of house plants. “Our home, the greenhouse”, the husband remarked jokingly. Bianca couldn’t help but marvel at the contrast: where he was all dark - hair, eyes, skin - she was white - ivory skin and fair hair. His weirdly shaped body was a bit disproportionate, and hers was statuesque. He was the very definition of local, and her appearance and slight accent revealed her roots were to be found in the Land of the Brides. Beautiful, intelligent, charming, self-confident, and most likely pampered and spoilt by him. Bianca instantly felt a pang of envy. They looked so different yet seemed to be so in sync. Bianca marveled at how they described buying the house together, working on the garden - together - and taking adventurous trips. Same literature genres, same Netflix shows. Same passion for living a bright life. “Aren’t they perfect...together” - she thought a bit sarcastically and had to slap herself mentally for been envious of somebody else’s happiness. Especially when they were so nice.
That night, though, she left strangely at peace with her loss. And even a bit hopeful.
And now, looking through the window of her lonely house that did not feel like home anymore, she sipped her tea and thought that just looking at their light had a soothing effect on her.
