Devoted Love That...

If I were to lose it, I really do think that I would break down and cry. I believe I was 13 or 14 at the time when I got it, I don't know whether it was a gift or a benefit of being the daughter of the greatest mother in the world, and I remember it like it was yesterday.

I was on the top mattress of the black metal bunk bed that I had shared with my little brother at our old house. I used to stay in the spare room downstairs but I didn't like being away from my mom and brother at night, so I moved to the top bunk in my brother's room. The only disadvantage was that I was closer to my new step-dad that I wasn't very fond of.

It wasn't too bad of a set up, hiding out on the top bunk and being on my phone. But there was one day, where I assume I had gotten home from school and was waiting for my mom to get home. I didn't really like leaving my room when he was the only other person home. After about 4 oćlock I remember really missing my mom while she was at work and started feeling this immense loneliness and sadness, like the world wanted to crumble on me and there was nothing I could do. My eyes had started to gather tears.

Things like this had happened before but today I don't know what happened to me, I could have left the top bunk, but with another person in the house that I hardly knew it seemed like a dangerous crime that I just wasn't ready to commit. I was a shaking and teary-eyed wreck with some of the tears unwillingly cascading down my face, hiding my head in a pillow and my legs curled up under a cotton covering, leaving my homework forgotten on the floor. At around 5:30 I remember pulling out my phone with shaking hands and dialing the number I had memorized by heart. I was counting in my head, 1…ring…2…ring…3…ring…4…ring.

I had felt some sort of relief in contrast to the nervousness I was previously feeling.

"Yes honey, I'm working." I heard her slightly muffled voice through the phone go in through my ears, to my brain, then it slowly carried to the rest of my body and started to calm my nerves. I had to shakily catch my breath.

"I miss you.¨I said, with my lips unintentionally turning into a pout with more tears running down my face, I was almost counting on the fact that she had heard the distress in my voice.

"Oh I'm sorry honey, I'll be home soon." she said, her voice shifting almost to the tone of a parent trying to reassure their five year old, but at the time I did care, and I still don't. Even though I knew she got off at nine and to me that was nowhere near 5:30, "Try to do something until I get home, get out of your room." she explained.

"I don't want to." I had said, starting to whine again.

"I know it's because he's here…¨ she sighed, "ok how about I bring you something when I come home, ok honey?".

Letting silent tears out I shakily said "O..ok".

"I love you sooo much" she said slowly, slightly dragging out her statement.

"I love you too." I had managed to get out. Then I hung up, her still on my mind as I was still slightly shaking and sniffling like a sick child.

Six Oćlock…seven…eight…eight fifteen…eight thirty…eight forty-five…nine. I had slowly sat up in the mattress curling in my blanket, starting to slow my shaking while quickly opening my ears for a car door closing, the front door, the garage door, the creaking floor boards, anything. Nine o five…nothing…nine ten…still nothing. I was starting to shake again and I felt the tears, nine fifteen…nine twenty…nine twenty five…then I heard it, the car door, the garage door, the creaking floor boards, all of it.

I started sniffling again to clear up the tears while my heart started speeding up but my nerves were calming.The door to me and my brother's room slowly opened and I saw the sliver of yellow light slowly interrupt the darkness, and when I saw her smiling face as she saw me I knew everything was going to be ok.

"Hi honey" she had led with, slowing the statement to appear more gentle. I had started smiling and reaching out my hands for her, then noticed as she stepped in that she had one hand hidden behind her back.

I got an excited but slightly anxious feeling, she slowly pulled her hand out from behind her back and I was met with a medium sized light brown, furry teddy bear that had neat fur in some areas and in other areas, more tousled looking. The bear had red and white detailing, such as the short white fur on the outside of its mouth and on the toes of its feet, and red velvet material inside of the ears, on the bottom of its feet, as well as on the mouth and heart shaped nose. I was met with the bear's big brown eyes and inviting smile. But what I noticed the most, covering the bear's whole chest and torso, was a giant red velvet stuffed heart between the bear's arms, stating 'I Love you' in cursive golden lettering. I couldn't describe the feeling, I was overwhelmed with joy and love.

As soon as she gave it to me I pulled it close to my chest and my mom followed close after as she reached out to me. I remember feeling immense joy and excitement that she was back home with me and that from that day on I had something to look at with nostalgia and love in my eyes, I have a cuddle buddy that helped stop my shaking and crying when she was gone, I have something that when I looked at it I knew everything was going to be okay. But most importantly, that day I remember feeling the passionate and devoted love that my mother had for me.