The normal days

Kíkó woke up. He felt like the gutted animal hang up on the tree, that he hunted yesterday. For a second he didn’t know why he felt like this. But just for a second. Then he remembered his accompanying usual morning dread. It’ really the only thing travelling with him. It was a really usual morning. He packed thick wool blanket. But after that he just sat a little, to take control of himself. He slept on a riverbank. He can still hear the slow trickling of the not really a river river. It was more of a small creek. Not even that big that it would be drawn on a map this area of Aivon. He was looking at the water. How the water constantly just trickled, how it was so emotionless, constantly moving. No thing with emotions could constantly move. He quickly stopped this track of thought, he didn’t like to be too sentimental. It slowed him down. Still he does it anyway. Sometimes he can’t just stop himself. Now he can. Later in the day, he will be a philosophizing bastard. Right now, in the morning he has to be focused.

He stood up, cleaned his eyes of crust, and almost started to walk away on the long long road, but did otherwise, it isn’t always that he sleeps so close to water. So he bathed. He sat down again, putting down his old, ragged, backpack. But that backpack was part of his personality now. The backpack’s back was now shaped to his back, and Kíkó almost felt naked without his old backpack. He thought for a long time now, that because he never really had a home, and the idyllic peace of it, the feel of coming home and knowing that it is safe now, you can rest, the lack of this caused him to invest himself in the things he carries with himself. Also the backpack was important to him in resembling his lost home, the only one he had. He bought this backpack with his first salary, after guarding a cart in East-Bradvia.

“Fuck!”-he said out loud. He got so sentimental in the morning.

After this he swiftly undressed and began to breathe. Before he felt no rush, now he was bathing fast to be on the road again.

He got on the road again. The old elven road beneath his feet felt oddly satisfying. After such a weird morning he felt good to be back on his routine. He was feeling good? He was walking with the same speed as before so he was surely not excited. He was not grateful for anything. Now even if he was “feeling great” he now was surely not in that state. He just rather thought about something else. There weren’t many thing to distract him from his thoughts.

Even if he was feeling good (which he surely wasn’t) the repetition of being on the road every day like 8 hours a day. Does repetition ruin happiness? With drugs it doesn’t, they only feel great if they do drugs. Does being happy just the counter of being sad? So if you are never sad, you are never happy? So many questions, they are better to ponder on than his own desperate situation Kíkó thought but still useless. He should think what to actually do.

The road stretched on endlessly, the old elvish were taller and much more fit than today’s humans. They would actively run these roads for just entertainment or real fast transport. They didn’t really use animals like people now, they thought that it was immoral, weird Kíkó thought, he respected the elves in many ways, as any normal person would, creating the first society, defeating demons, helping their sick.

“Fuck” he said again. He is so easily sidetracked today. Maybe the lack of sleep does this to him. Or maybe the longer he wanders the less exciting it becomes, or it becomes more and more easy, he has been wandering for moreover 50 years, not ageing at all, looking the same, only the mind of his changed.

So much have changed. Kíkó sat down. It made no sense to walk to clear his mind when he just troubled his mind even more with always shooing away his thoughts.

Should he just reconsider his entire life now? No you cant just do that one day. Or at least he can’t. Some people might be able to regret everything and just kill themselves at the end?; But he surely can’t. When he was created he was trained, he was always trained to be a rock, heartless, not phased by anything, no rather he was like a star. So unreachable for many people but so, so alone. In many ways he is alike everyone. But in some ways he is very different, at first physically, he either works out or not is in an a perfect shape unreachable by normals humans. Second he never felt or experienced romance, never felt a need, and even when he was free after the Triuúr he didn’t take part in it because 1 it seemed useless, 2 it was pretty unachievable whilst travelling, and knowing he doesn’t age.

Kíkó sat leaning on a tree trunk. It was summer and he was slightly windy it was so calm. Nothing was bothering Kíkó the little creek was still close and he could hear it. The unique emerald green grass which was found just in Aivon was slowly brushing Kíkó’s body. The wind was quietly whistling in his hear, as well the little creek gave a small but noticeable noise. He smelled the familiar smell of a forest, the smell was different in each place but the underlying smell was always the same. He closed his eyes, he has seen too many things, his thought his eyes should rest, he could rest, rest forever really. He thought that it was strange, most people in these moments, these slow comfortable sceneries would remember their childhood or a really fond memory. He didn’t remember anything, then he remembered why isn’t resting, why keeps walking and walking on and on these old useless roads. If he rests he is essentially dead, nothing to distract him, this , this is his drugs. He is addicted, he can’t stop and feels dead when he stops. He began to walk to find purpose to find a place in the world where he belongs. He has been travelling for who knows how long, he just doest this because he has to do something. Really this is his last stand. If he gives this up he might as well kill himself. He travels and kills the small number of monsters who pose a threat. It was calm, a thing he experiences so often he began to hate it, at least he found an answer to his earlier question, it was 10 am, he slept.