The beginning
It's calling again. I can't breathe it's here again. I need help. I scream crying and begging for help. Please save me.
"Why are you screaming? Nobody can save you," It's not real. This isn't real. I don't want this to be real. I start to hit myself.
"Baby stop." He's not real. None of this is real.
"I'm here let me help you," I push him and run to the kitchen. I grab a knife.
"You did this to me!" I tried. It never works. I can never end this suffering. He grabbed my wrist and threw the knife to the other side of the room.
"Love please take your medicine I can't keep watching you act like this. It pains me." He's not real. HE'S NOT REAL!
"You aren't real!" I screamed thrashing in his hold. Shoving kicking punching. This is all an allusion and once I die this will all be gone.
2 months before
Everything feels off. I don't feel real anymore I feel like a ghost in my own body. It's as if I was just passing through the world.
"Rose darling? Where are you?" Even he doesn't feel real. Ever since we got married everything feels unreal. I don't understand why I feel like this.
"Up here!" I just can't seem to wrap my fingers around any of this. I'm scared I feel so out of my element. I don't feel alive. I want to die.
"Rose you need to take your medicine so you can stay in the military." My home away from home. I haven't seen my troops in months. No since the last. I can't even think about I still can't I still can't. It's happening again. I can't breathe. Help please someone help me... I'm drowning...
?
"ROSE!" I quickly pick her up and set her on the bed. I run to the bathroom and grab a wet towel. Once I make it to the room she breaks out in sweats. Dear lord what have they done to her? She is no longer Rose. She starts screaming in pain she starts tossing and turning. I put the rag on her head and give her the medicine.
She starts to breathe normally again. She opens her eyes.
"It happened again? I can never go back. I'm not the same Laurance." I pulled her into a tight hug and whispered sweet nothings but she feels cold. She feels dead.
"Rose..."
"You aren't real!" I screamed thrashing in his hold. Shoving kicking punching. This is all an allusion and once I die this will all be gone.
2 months before
Everything feels off. I don't feel real anymore I feel like a ghost in my own body. It's as if I was just passing through the world.
"Rose darling? Where are you?" Even he doesn't feel real. Ever since we got married everything feels unreal. I don't understand why I feel like this.
"Up here!" I just can't seem to wrap my fingers around any of this. I'm scared I feel so out of my element. I don't feel alive. I want to die.
"Rose you need to take your medicine so you can stay in the military." My home away from home. I haven't seen my troops in months. No since the last. I can't even think about I still can't I still can't. It's happening again. I can't breathe. Help please someone help me... I'm drowning...
?
"ROSE!" I quickly pick her up and set her on the bed. I run to the bathroom and grab a wet towel. Once I make it to the room she breaks out in sweats. Dear lord what have they done to her? She is no longer Rose. She starts screaming in pain she starts tossing and turning. I put the rag on her head and give her the medicine.
She starts to breathe normally again. She opens her eyes.
"It happened again? I can never go back. I'm not the same Laurance." I pulled her into a tight hug and whispered sweet nothings but she feels cold. She feels dead.
"Rose..."
1 month
"Rose? Rose baby why are you crying?" Rose took deep breaths.
"I'M FINALLY OK! I'M CLEAN!" She jumped into her husband's arms.
"Good job!" He held her tightly and smiled so happily.
"I can go back to working!" His smile fell.
"Work? Didn't work cause this?" She looked at him.
"I love my job. I love helping people." Laurance held her even tighter. He was suddenly terrified. What if it happens again? She never told him what happened last time.
"Please don't..." He whispered sadly. A tear silently slipped. He didn't want to lose his wife again. He gently put her down and put her face in his hands.
"Don't?" She whispered softly.
"I will always support what you do. But I'm so scared I will lose you. Last month was hell for us and I don't want that to happen again." She got her tiptoe and gave him a gentle kiss.
"I'm so sorry. I don't even think about it. I guess now is a bad time to tell you I'm being shipped out." He couldn't help it burst into tears. He doesn't want to lose her. He can't not again. He doesn't want to send her to any more hospitals he doesn't want to watch her slowly kill herself. All this job has ever done to her was kill her. He just got her back.
"W-when?" He barely choked out the words.
"2 weeks," He gently lets go and grabs her hand, and takes her to the sofa. He sits them down. He takes a deep breath.
"Please don't let it happen again. Promise me you won't let it happen again," She smiled brightly as ever. She was absolutely glowing. He knew this will always be her passion and it pained him that one day he will no longer be here to stop her from losing it.
"I promise." He once again gently picks her up and holds her. This will be the last time I will ever see her so I need to enjoy as much time as I get.
"I love you so much. I love you so incredibly much. I am so sorry," He whispered the last part so she could not hear it.
"I love you too,"
"Rose? Rose baby why are you crying?" Rose took deep breaths.
"I'M FINALLY OK! I'M CLEAN!" She jumped into her husband's arms.
"Good job!" He held her tightly and smiled so happily.
"I can go back to working!" His smile fell.
"Work? Didn't work cause this?" She looked at him.
"I love my job. I love helping people." Laurance held her even tighter. He was suddenly terrified. What if it happens again? She never told him what happened last time.
"Please don't..." He whispered sadly. A tear silently slipped. He didn't want to lose his wife again. He gently put her down and put her face in his hands.
"Don't?" She whispered softly.
"I will always support what you do. But I'm so scared I will lose you. Last month was hell for us and I don't want that to happen again." She got her tiptoe and gave him a gentle kiss.
"I'm so sorry. I don't even think about it. I guess now is a bad time to tell you I'm being shipped out." He couldn't help it burst into tears. He doesn't want to lose her. He can't not again. He doesn't want to send her to any more hospitals he doesn't want to watch her slowly kill herself. All this job has ever done to her was kill her. He just got her back.
"W-when?" He barely choked out the words.
"2 weeks," He gently lets go and grabs her hand, and takes her to the sofa. He sits them down. He takes a deep breath.
"Please don't let it happen again. Promise me you won't let it happen again," She smiled brightly as ever. She was absolutely glowing. He knew this will always be her passion and it pained him that one day he will no longer be here to stop her from losing it.
"I promise." He once again gently picks her up and holds her. This will be the last time I will ever see her so I need to enjoy as much time as I get.
"I love you so much. I love you so incredibly much. I am so sorry," He whispered the last part so she could not hear it.
"I love you too,"
The week she left.
I can't do it. I can't live without her. I don't want to live with this version of her. It kills me.
My dearest Rose,
My beloved Rose. I am so sorry to do this to you. Please don't cry. I thought I was healthy enough to be with you. I thought I could be a hero. But you didn't need a hero. All you needed was someone who would love you for you. Please don't cry. I beg of you. When I'm gone please think of the wonderful times. I promise you won't need me. I am no longer good for you.
Your Husband,
Laurance
And Just like that, he was gone. He lay in the tub and felt the sudden relief. He gently closed his eyes and felt at rest and he never awoke again.
1 week later
"LAURANCE! I'M HOME EARLY!" Rose shouted with joy she couldn't wait to tell him about all the gorgeous places she went to. Where is he she thought? Maybe in our bedroom. She quickly ran up the stairs to their shared room but found nothing. She headed towards she opened the door and her heart sank.
"Laurance..." It came out as a whisper. She felt her heart come out of her chest. She ran straight to the tub. But it was too late. She grabbed him out of the tub blood was getting all over her uniform. She was breathing heavily she tried to control it. But she couldn't help she was begging for him to come back.
"Baby no. Why would you how could you? We needed you. I needed you please come back," She was uncontrollably sobbing. This would be the first time she wouldn't have him by her side. She was lost confused and terrified she had no support system.
When the police showed up she refused to let go of his body. It was so cold it was so lifeless. Every person she had ever loved had finally left her. She sat on the bathroom floor and stared. She was lost. When she finally spoke out her voice was horse from the screaming mixed with the sobbing.
"I love you, Laurance." She read the letter and she couldn't understand. None of it made sense. All of it was my fault. That's all she could think. She fell asleep with his letter in her hands on the cold bathroom floor.
I can't do it. I can't live without her. I don't want to live with this version of her. It kills me.
My dearest Rose,
My beloved Rose. I am so sorry to do this to you. Please don't cry. I thought I was healthy enough to be with you. I thought I could be a hero. But you didn't need a hero. All you needed was someone who would love you for you. Please don't cry. I beg of you. When I'm gone please think of the wonderful times. I promise you won't need me. I am no longer good for you.
Your Husband,
Laurance
And Just like that, he was gone. He lay in the tub and felt the sudden relief. He gently closed his eyes and felt at rest and he never awoke again.
1 week later
"LAURANCE! I'M HOME EARLY!" Rose shouted with joy she couldn't wait to tell him about all the gorgeous places she went to. Where is he she thought? Maybe in our bedroom. She quickly ran up the stairs to their shared room but found nothing. She headed towards she opened the door and her heart sank.
"Laurance..." It came out as a whisper. She felt her heart come out of her chest. She ran straight to the tub. But it was too late. She grabbed him out of the tub blood was getting all over her uniform. She was breathing heavily she tried to control it. But she couldn't help she was begging for him to come back.
"Baby no. Why would you how could you? We needed you. I needed you please come back," She was uncontrollably sobbing. This would be the first time she wouldn't have him by her side. She was lost confused and terrified she had no support system.
When the police showed up she refused to let go of his body. It was so cold it was so lifeless. Every person she had ever loved had finally left her. She sat on the bathroom floor and stared. She was lost. When she finally spoke out her voice was horse from the screaming mixed with the sobbing.
"I love you, Laurance." She read the letter and she couldn't understand. None of it made sense. All of it was my fault. That's all she could think. She fell asleep with his letter in her hands on the cold bathroom floor.
