Nobody Knows But You

“Everett, we already know everything. It’ll be easier on you and her if you just tell us the truth.” The detective sits across from me at our kitchen table, a sort of smug look on his face that I’m not sure if he’s intentionally doing. Maybe it’s just his natural look now caused from all the years of dealing with people lying to him.

One day my face might look like that, considering all the people who have lied to me all my life. My parents. My friends. Everyone except her. Lacey wouldn’t hurt me or lie to me. She’s the only person I can trust.

The light flickers above us, a problem that has been happening for a few weeks now. A constant reminder that someone needs to change it.

My legs begin to shake. Creating a constant sound of my jean fabric rubbing when my thighs meet and the tap, tap of my tennis shoes on the wood flooring. I can’t speak because I know as soon as I open my mouth, as soon as they hear how shaky my voice is, I’ll give everything away. No more lying. No more sneaking around. The truth will be out there, and it’ll be all my fault.

I’ve ruined everything. She’s never going to talk to me again. Who knows if I’ll ever get to see her again? Will she go to jail because of me? Prison? I’ve ruined her marriage. Her entire life. I’ve lost her.

I can’t even bring myself to look over at my mom who sits beside me on the couch. I hear her gasps, her silent cries. Feel her looks of utter disappointment and pure horror burning into the side of my face like a lighter being held directly on my skin.

“Everett,” My mom says, her voice quiet like she’s trying to be comforting, but I know underneath that is rage. For me, probably. Mostly for Lacey. “Answer them. You need to tell the truth, sweetie.”

I want to tell them it’s not Lacey’s fault. It’s mine. I want to tell them that we’re in love. Except, I already know they won’t understand. They didn’t see our relationship. Witness how good we are together. All they know is I’m a minor and she is the adult. They think I’m a victim in the situation when that’s not the case at all.

“I know this is hard and confusing.” The detective continues, except I can hardly hear their voices over the banging inside of my chest. His words make my jaw tick, because, no, it’s not hard and confusing. None of this is. It’s simple. Really fucking simple. I love her and she loves me and we’re happy together. Our age gap doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t. “But do you understand what is going on? We have her in custody. She’s going to jail regardless of what you say here, so it’ll be easier on you if you tell us the whole story. All of it, in your words. You’re the victim here, Everett. Nothing is going to happen to you. We will make sure she never hurts you again.” He gives me a sympathetic look but behind it I can still see the smugness. He doesn’t give a shit about me, so why is he pretending that he does? His words aren’t kind, or nurturing. He doesn’t make me want to talk, in fact, he’s making me want to do the opposite. To keep my mouth shut just as I have for years now. His hands haven’t moved from his lap. They are interlocked together in a stiff grip. Chubby fingers that look like doctors’ gloves at the office when you blow into them, making it form into a giant hand.

“I’m not confused or—or a victim, I—” I stop talking, my body squirming in the chair.

I’m not a victim. I’m not a victim. I’m not. This is all wrong. They have it completely fucking wrong.

I hear my mom cry, a shocked whisper escapes her mouth, “My God, Everett. What did she do to you?”

I stare at the floor, so hard, like I have a telekinesis ability and I’m trying to make the floor beneath me disappear. There’s a piece of fuzz and I watch as it moves in a circle on the floor.

“Just start from the beginning. When did all this start? Take your time.” He clicks the back of a pen, and my eyes snap up from staring at the ground.

They already know everything. There’s no covering this up. She’s going to jail, no matter what I say. I feel this tightness in my chest, a hand strangling my throat, making it impossible to catch a breath. My body is so tense my back is starting to hurt.

There’s a moment of complete silence. Like time is standing still. A pause in the universe.

Just start at the beginning.

I think about the moment I first met her. How it all began and very slowly, I open my mouth and the truth starts to come out.

Eighth Grade